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The Female Wingman (Female input will be appreciated)

Fact #3 is solid advice. So many people don't do this & it causes them much grief.

I'd also add to beware of dating advice type books. This is a booming market area & anyone with a pen, paper, or a typewriter or computer is now magically an 'expert' at dispensing dating advice. Some of it is so wrong-headed, offensive & misogynistic that it makes me wonder how the author could write it, review it & sign his name to it. This is the same for books written by women too. That "Rules" book was a lexicon of stupid ways of playing 'hard to get', being insincere, manipulative & shallow. Then there are those 'how to date a millionaire' books directed at women. Allegedly, these teach how to recognize, target & NAB some rich guy & then, hopefully, raid his back accounts. YUCK: It's like how to be Bernie Madoff in 10 easy (& degrading) steps!!! Also directed at women are those 'how to make him marry you' books.

I'm married & so re several Aspie women here & I'd bet that not one of us was even cognizant of these ninja man-trapping tactics when we met, dated & married our husbands.

Some of the advice in dating books for men is common sense stuff like don't stink. Wear clean fresh appropriate clothing. Brush your teeth, use dental floss & mouthwash. Refrain from farting. Don't stare at & ogle your date (or other women who walk by while you're out on a date). Don't assume that because you paid for a movie & dinner, you're entitled to sex. For a handful of particularly obtuse Aspie guys, this kind of pedantic & obvious to most Aspies advice may be necessary.

 
@ Dizzy: I can see how many girls your age group would feel insecure around you without you having to do or say anything whatsoever! Very pretty shapely AND smart with it girls tend to attract all the male attention making it hard for any of the other girls to feel like they exist. I'm not at all suggesting you tone anything about your stunning looks down or change who you are. After all, the only person you can be with any hope of success IS yourself. If they don't like you & they'e insecure, petty & jealous, THEY need to get over it! After all, being mean to you won't make them prettier, smarter or more shapely!
 
My opinion as an aspie girl: Guys are so much easier to be friends with because they are less socially complicated. I had way more guy friends growing up. Deep love grows more safely from a friendship where the girl (and guy) are safe from sexual clutter. It's great to start relationships slow. That way the girl knows you aren't a sheister. And if you are-well, my advice only applies to a guy who wants to commit himself to one woman and love her well. Solid Romantic relationships are so worth handling carefully and slowly in the beginning. Deep mutual respect, friendship, and love should always come before flirty sexual stuff.

Yes, having a platonic female wingman is a great idea. It contributes to humanity when people are capable of being just friends with members of the opposit sex. The whole rush thing, or "friends with benefits" thing benefits no one in the long run. In my opinion.
 
Expanding on the "have something to offer"... please understand, if you have nothing to offer, no ammount of wingmen (male or female) will help you. And here's a video to ilustrate:

 
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Sometimes, a person has a passion for something & they don't even realize that someone else out there might find it fascinating too. You don't need a unique talent (like being s concert pianist, for ex.) just knowing what you're into whether it's coniferous trees, snake venom, pepper mills or whatever.
 
The mundane takes on it's true glory in love.

This is part of how my husband and I fell in love. We were fifteen and sitting up in a large platform treehouse in the woods behind his house with a bunch of friends (I could never make friends in school, but I always had neighborhood friends). I was thinking to myself that I wished I could cut a hole in the tree branches to better see the full moon. The next morning my mom and brother and I were taking a walk on the dirt road behind our neighborhood (it links up to that treehouse by a short path). He was there, and yelled boo to see if I would jump (I startle very easily). I said see ya to my family and went to go chat with him. We were sitting there enjoying the shady pines and he said, "This probably sounds stupid, but last night I wished I could have cut a hole in the branches to see the moon." WORD FOR WORD what I thought that night. I was hooked!

Not that you must have these types of things happen to you to have love. Revel in mundane beauties. Because nothing is really mundane- just taken for granted.
 
imagesbyholly said:
The mundane takes on it's true glory in love.

This is part of how my husband and I fell in love. We were fifteen and sitting up in a large platform treehouse in the woods behind his house with a bunch of friends (I could never make friends in school, but I always had neighborhood friends). I was thinking to myself that I wished I could cut a hole in the tree branches to better see the full moon. The next morning my mom and brother and I were taking a walk on the dirt road behind our neighborhood (it links up to that treehouse by a short path). He was there, and yelled boo to see if I would jump (I startle very easily). I said see ya to my family and went to go chat with him. We were sitting there enjoying the shady pines and he said, "This probably sounds stupid, but last night I wished I could have cut a hole in the branches to see the moon." WORD FOR WORD what I thought that night. I was hooked!

Not that you must have these types of things happen to you to have love. Revel in mundane beauties. Because nothing is really mundane- just taken for granted.
Click to expand...

Beautiful... but I was left waiting for your young hubby-to-be to get up in tree, cut some branches, fell on his behind and you taking care of his wounds of love.
 
Sorry, I meant to answer Grubby's question directly. Yes, everyone has something to offer. Kindness, affection (not nec. sex), someone to lean on in weak times, and help in this tough world. Also the wisdom not to try to change someone, but gently guide without expectation when it is needed. And the wisdom to recieve that gentle guidance.
 
Wow, I'm a female, but this might explain why no-one has ever been interested in me irl (not that I know of, anyway), only through the internet (which never has worked out, lol) >.< I have no male friends and I'm very scared of them and have sort of selective mutism around them, seriously. And I look like a deer in headlights. It sucks :/
 
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