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The staring part

Why do you want to change him? Trying to change people typically lead to resentment and ruins relationships. Try a different approach and accept your significant other for who they are. Would you put up with him trying to change you?
 
Ken S. said:
Why do you want to change him? Trying to change people typically lead to resentment and ruins relationships. Try a different approach and accept your significant other for who they are. Would you put up with him trying to change you?
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i am not changing him in anyway, i love him the way he is, his strength and weaknesses make him as a person, i am just doing research and asking some input to understand him better..
 
l stare too long at my friend, it's almost like l want to memorize every detail, but then he talks, l get derailed by his voice, then l just melt into Asperger overload slush, but it feels good, ha
 
Katie andrews said:
I often catch my aspie bf stare at me for a long time then i would notice and i would correct him and tell him to quit staring and i dont mean it in a bad way. Then i realized i should start changing the approach and kindly ask him to not over stare not just at me but to other people as well.
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Ask any long term married couple Aspie, NT, Straight, Gay and all shades in between and they will tell you the same thing. Everyone is going to have things they do that annoy their partner, Relationships are a two way street called compromise. By this I mean don't try to change them & don't let them change you. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree.
 
I have three kinds of stares, I think.
1. When I’m talking to someone I stare into their eyes trying to understand everything completely. Talking to someone is a rare occurrence, and often confusing, so I want to comprehend.
2. Daydreaming, just staring into space even though there may be an object in front of me, I’m staring into space to rest or ponder.
3. I will stare at something interesting. Interesting to me only apparently. This can be anything from someone’s hair, shoes, a wall made of bricks, something sparkly, cats, and anything geometric or broken.
To OP, if it bugs you to be stared at, which is understandable, you can say to him what my roommate used to say to me, “Am I being interesting?”
It’s a funny way of letting him know he is staring without being judgmental. Tone of voice should be light and playful.
 
Ken S. said:
Ask any long term married couple Aspie, NT, Straight, Gay and all shades in between and they will tell you the same thing. Everyone is going to have things they do that annoy their partner, Relationships are a two way street called compromise. By this I mean don't try to change them & don't let them change you. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree.
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Let me just correct you..his staring at me doesnt bother me nor annoy me at all..i posted an inquiry to add on my research for me to understand him better.. and in a way i wanna help him when we are out in public places and how to act and react in crowdy places. I love him to death and i always wanna be there to guide, help him and hold his hand in good times and in bad times.
 
BraidedPony said:
I have three kinds of stares, I think.
1. When I’m talking to someone I stare into their eyes trying to understand everything completely. Talking to someone is a rare occurrence, and often confusing, so I want to comprehend.
2. Daydreaming, just staring into space even though there may be an object in front of me, I’m staring into space to rest or ponder.
3. I will stare at something interesting. Interesting to me only apparently. This can be anything from someone’s hair, shoes, a wall made of bricks, something sparkly, cats, and anything geometric or broken.
To OP, if it bugs you to be stared at, which is understandable, you can say to him what my roommate used to say to me, “Am I being interesting?”
It’s a funny way of letting him know he is staring without being judgmental. Tone of voice should be light and playful.
Click to expand...
 
BraidedPony said:
I have three kinds of stares, I think.
1. When I’m talking to someone I stare into their eyes trying to understand everything completely. Talking to someone is a rare occurrence, and often confusing, so I want to comprehend.
2. Daydreaming, just staring into space even though there may be an object in front of me, I’m staring into space to rest or ponder.
3. I will stare at something interesting. Interesting to me only apparently. This can be anything from someone’s hair, shoes, a wall made of bricks, something sparkly, cats, and anything geometric or broken.
To OP, if it bugs you to be stared at, which is understandable, you can say to him what my roommate used to say to me, “Am I being interesting?”
It’s a funny way of letting him know he is staring without being judgmental. Tone of voice should be light and playful.
Click to expand...
yeah..thats what i do..i would laugh and tell him..you keep staring at me coz im very beautiful and you just cant believe i am your gf..you cant believe your luck huh? And he would put on this silly smile and would swueeze me with a gentle hug and tell me i make him so warm inside and happy..
 
Katie andrews said:
yeah..thats what i do..i would laugh and tell him..you keep staring at me coz im very beautiful and you just cant believe i am your gf..you cant believe your luck huh? And he would put on this silly smile and would swueeze me with a gentle hug and tell me i make him so warm inside and happy..
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Does he like it when you tell him twice? :)
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
Does he like it when you tell him twice? :)
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Hey there Fridgemagnetman! Thought you might like reading my new poem for my bf...

he loves race cars it gives him adrenalin rush
he loves staring at me till he makes me blush
he loves eating rice, steak & sashimi
he loves a lot of things but he loves me the most & that makes me so happy.

he got a lot of talents to mention a few
he is an artist, a chess champ & a handyman too
he loves doing research & excels in whatever he do
im the proudest coz his achievements are mine to claim too.

we are still working on how to better our relationship
looking forward for the day that we can do out of town trips
the little escapades & quality time that we share
i hold them close to my heart coz they are fond memories that are rare.

i promise to love my king even if things get hard
i' ll let go of the bad stuff & try to move forward
in return i ask for nothing but love & loyalty
we might take a rough patch but just hold my hand..i will be with you till eternity.
 
Katie andrews said:
Let me just correct you..his staring at me doesnt bother me nor annoy me at all..i posted an inquiry to add on my research for me to understand him better.. and in a way i wanna help him when we are out in public places and how to act and react in crowdy places. I love him to death and i always wanna be there to guide, help him and hold his hand in good times and in bad times.
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I am not trying to start an argument I was addressing what you said in your original statement. That I quoted in my earlier post. Good luck with your relationship.
 
Judge said:
Indeed. Myself as well. The distinction that perhaps many of us may simply get lost in our own thoughts, as opposed to actually staring at other people or things in particular.
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This is the same for me. I can't actually Stare people in the eye, but I tend to stare into space, and that can sometimes lead people to think I'm staring at them if I'm looking in their direction.
 
I've heard it being said that aspies can maintain eye contact too long, neurotypicals can, sometimes to try and annoy people, in my opinion
 
Absolutely! Timing is everything,...and I don't have the skills,...LOL! For years,...like 40+ years,...I never understood why people would avoid eye contact with me,...even people I knew. I just happened to be taking a course on non-verbal communication when I learned about this "gaze avoidance" behavior,...deeply seated within our social evolution,...that many autistics simply do not have unless they practice it. Scenario: You are walking down the hallway at work and you see someone you know walking towards you. You look at them,...but then keep looking at them,...and when you finally are close enough to greet them,...they eye avert!! Frustrated the heck out of me for years. What I didn't realize is this is, unbeknownst to even them,...I was presenting myself a threat,...so they avert their eyes. Well, you do this enough to people and you just come off as a bit "off" and pretty soon they don't want to have anything to do with you. The trick is to not look at them until the last few feet, raise your head, look at them, and greet them at the same time,...if the timing is off,...unconsciously to them, you're a "weirdo". So many other social scenarios where situational awareness, context, and timing is important for "proper" eye contact. I can educate myself on these social rules, but I can't keep track of it all.
 
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