The Struggle of No Friends/Relationship....

[jfk]

For this reason, sometimes I even feel lonely when I'm with people.

Yeah that's familiar. I'm pretty sociable initially - it's all the learned sociable behaviour. But then I run out of things to say as 'trivia' doesn't really interest me, and I know that if I just shut up otherwise I'll say something completely inappropriate

I do quite a lot of sporting activities and whilst I really enjoy the activities, I can get lost in the world, the moment of activity, when it's the socialising afterwards, I'm initially OK - but then have this vision of being in a gathering of people, but sitting there and everything and everyone else around me being on fast forward (there's a scene in the film Trainspotting where this happens) and then ... the ... social ... anxiety ... kicks in ....

I'm an 'extrovert introvert' in that I can very sociable and people may say that I seem very outgoing and all that ... but I can only do that for a short period of time, and then I have to go home and it's so exhausting. I'll usually just lie down and have to have some time to myself with the lights dimmed to just recover.

 

[megacomic]

I must admit that I secretly get jealous/envious when I see other people having a good time with friends or guys having a girlfriend.... If you are single, how do you feel about this?

I'm 27 years old and while I have alot of friends.( Dont ask me how I just do) the majority of them are married or in a serious relationship. It bothers me a little but I realized I was made so different and so unique it would be foolish of me to assume that I could be compatible with just any woman. I realized this when I starting showing interest in a woman very similar to me. I had always pursued women similar to myself and now I realize that will never work because we both share the same weaknesses that will never be addressed. So I try pursuing someone more complementary rather than similar. It's unfortunate it took me nearly three decades to figure that out.

 

[DCA]

I think if I waited for a relationship to happen to me instead of going out looking for one, I'd probably still be alone & a virgin. Nothing at all happened until I made it happen by actively looking for dates. Its cool if one comes along unexpectedly for you, but that has never been my experience...

I'm with someone now but feel I'm too damaged to ever not feel those pangs. She said she cannot come to see me this weekend because she has bronchitis. Logically speaking perfectly reasonable. So why do I feel like a disaster looming? Doesn't make sense. I don't know if that is from my own insecurities or an aspect of ASD but it really really sucks to feel this way. Most of the time I'm indifferent to being on the spectrum. But its times like this that it feels like a terrible burden.

 

[watersprite]

Haven't had any friends for a very, very long time.
I have a non-boxable, weird, patched together life.

 

[Amanda241]

I sometimes envy men in that sense. Women are much better at pretending to be in love if they want to keep a nice house and lifestyle. Whereas men don't seem to bother pretending, so their partner will know there is no connection. I've been shocked to hear a few women say some pretty nasty things about their supposed boyfriends/husbands, only to turn on the charm the second they walk in the room. A woman I sort of know was doing this yet again in a pub with us the other day, and it was really unnerving to listen to as her husband seems like a great guy. She's very affectionate when he's around but nasty about him when it's just us. I've had colleagues that did the same. I was thinking that it's horrible that it's so two-faced, but at the same time the man has no idea so they aren't hurt by it until (if) the relationship ends. Maybe it is worse that way when it actually happens to you, but I'd rather be happily oblivious for most of the time.

I completely agree with this entire post. I 'm shocked by this behaviour and see it as completely conniving and manipulative. I've witnessed many women over the years seemingly dislike their partners intensely, yet stick around to enjoy the material benefits of the relationship. I just don't understand and I would say that yes, often the guys don't seem to be aware. I just don't understand why you would be with someone and play along if you don't love them. I couldn't be with someone I didn't have feelings for and total honesty with. I need a friend before a partner and if you're not friends with the person you're in a relationship with, then why bother?

For this reason, sometimes I even feel lonely when I'm with people.

It's sad to read that there are a lot of people who feel lonely. I felt that way with the ex, but that was truthfully more down to his tuning out, I wanted a connection.

How - if at all - do you get that connection or does it seem ethereal and out of reach to you?

 

[Amanda241]

I'm with someone now but feel I'm too damaged to ever not feel those pangs. She said she cannot come to see me this weekend because she has bronchitis. Logically speaking perfectly reasonable. So why do I feel like a disaster looming? Doesn't make sense. I don't know if that is from my own insecurities or an aspect of add but it really really sucks to feel this way. Most of the time I'm indifferent to being on the spectrum. But its times like this that it feels like a terrible burden.

I read recently that on the Spectrum, we tend to catastrophise in relationships, like it's all going to go wrong. I know that I've done this; where I think it's all good or all bad and there's no inbetween.

 

[DCA]

Thanks for that insight...that certainly matches my experience then!

 

[jfk]

I read recently that on the Spectrum, we tend to catastrophise in relationships, like it's all going to go wrong. I know that I've done this; where I think it's all good or all bad and there's no inbetween.

I can relate to that !