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The time for action is now. I want to pack my bags.....

Metalhead

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict. All for gay pride.
V.I.P Member
I have been a whiny spineless worm for far too long.

I was raised to be spineless, after all.

But I have the power and the discipline to forget that noise and build myself up.

I had the discipline to give up beer, after all. That is just the beginning. It does not have to end there.

Grey rocking my blood family is a must.

Finding a better job is also on my agenda.

Expecting change from narcissists was insanity on my part.
 
Metalhead said:
I have been a whiny spineless worm for far too long.

I was raised to be spineless, after all.

But I have the power and the discipline to forget that noise and build myself up.

I had the discipline to give up beer, after all. That is just the beginning. It does not have to end there.

Grey rocking my blood family is a must.

Finding a better job is also on my agenda.

Expecting change from narcissists was insanity on my part.
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About time. Cut them off and take off on your own, like an Apollo ascent module leaving the descent module (I hope that metaphor works).
 
Shamar said:
About time. Cut them off and take off on your own, like an Apollo ascent module leaving the descent module (I hope that metaphor works).
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Hey, as long as it’s not Apollo 13 or that bad horror movie Apollo 18, that metaphor works.
 
I am usually strongly opposed to the abandoning aging relatives. But my goodness, your mother and aunt sound quite cruel. I would like you to alltogether get out of the Pacific Northwest.

It could be as easy as saving up and moving away. That way, anyone with heartstring attachments (such as a parent) won't get hurt in the process. Instead of saying I'm not coming for x holiday, move to another state, so that you have an physical barrier to attending.
 
I am getting out and making more healthy friends these days. I am building a support circle outside of my bloodline, and that has been very good for me. Plus I am helping other people stay sober by offering them my companionship and my ears.
 
Right this second, I want to pack my valuables and have them shipped UPS to another location far from here. Then I want to buy a bus ticket and relocate to that location.

I need more cash than what I have on hand to make that happen. A couple more paydays, this could be possible.
 
Sometimes a fresh start is what we need. Like a re-boot. You sound a lot closer to doing it. Maybe put a date on paper taped on your fridge door. I left for a new place about six years ago, and l love the palm trees, and the ocean is so close now. And there are wild parrots here.
 
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Life is too short to be dealing with toxic people in your life. Get new people. Clean slate. Build yourself up the way you want without medaling from others. Awesome.
 
You’ve been here before. You’ve had this exact feeling before. Can you make it happen this time? What can you do differently this time around to break the cycle and truly become free from the things that are so negative in your life? I don’t ask these questions to be critical of you. I am just really hoping for permanent change for you.
 
I believe this is emeshment, sadly we become accustomed to patterns of horrible toxic behavior and it becomes our normal, our reality. @Metalhead never even had a chance of a normal mom who loved and supported him in a healthy way. He doesn't have a clue what that is. He is enmeshed in a toxic unhealthy pattern that has kept him in prisoner even in his own mind. The fact that he moved away from his family really was a big turning point. With every breakthru he has, he has to deal with the raw pain of how unsupported he really was, and the horrible abuse he came thru. It's like the more truth you discover, the worse you feel about your situation. He really needs us to support him and not pressure him. He has to come to these realizations himself. We can't force him to heal, he has to want to heal. Sorry, l don't mean to come off in a uncaring way. I actually dealt with a little of this with my mom and father. Their reality of who l was- was in stark conflict of how others treated and viewed me. It was confusing for me to find my identity and feel healthy. It also became a unhealthy pattern of boyfriends that were uncaring. But l finally added this all up, and decided to heal.
 
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Serious change can indeed be very difficult for so many of us. That's true enough.

Nevertheless, "Go for it." :cool:
 
I had a very helpful counselor, and a really great guy, just wait until l walked thru that door of what was my reality vs what reality really was. I came thru extreme gaslighting. It really was a eye-opening experience. He never pressured me, he just waited until things lined up and l could connect the dots. I credit him with my breakthru.
 
I am talking to my therapist this afternoon. I cut out yet another AA sponsor because he kept on insisting that my mother truly loved me and that the act of moving away was just like "running away like a little child". He also told me that I should make amends to my family over how angry and confused they had me feeling throughout my entire life because I always let it all happen. Forget that noise.

This move will take a couple grand, plus I need to work on finding a job before I get out there, plus finding a new doctor and a new therapist. It all can be done.
 
I do not have to keep hating my family, but I also do not have to take them seriously anymore.
 
I now realize that I was looking for closure in all the wrong places. Of course, nobody in the family is going to validate what I lived through. I have to validate myself to find that closure and move on with my life.
 
OK, so here are the downsides I will face if I move to Michigan.

I will be leaving a couple of my closest friends in the world behind. I will have to find another payee and finding one I can trust will be difficult. I have a decent rent controlled house to myself right now and I doubt I will ever have a place to live again that is as nice as my current residence. Plus, wherever I go, I take my problems with me.

I have to keep all of this in mind and not be rash. True, I need to limit my time with my family since they are toxic. My boss already knows to stop talking to my parents about me, for starters.
 
Metalhead said:
OK, so here are the downsides I will face if I move to Michigan.

I will be leaving a couple of my closest friends in the world behind. I will have to find another payee and finding one I can trust will be difficult. I have a decent rent controlled house to myself right now and I doubt I will ever have a place to live again that is as nice as my current residence. Plus, wherever I go, I take my problems with me.

I have to keep all of this in mind and not be rash. True, I need to limit my time with my family since they are toxic. My boss already knows to stop talking to my parents about me, for starters.
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What’s a payee? Sorry for the silly question.
 
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