Theory finds that individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome don’t lack empathy – in fact if anything they

[Larisa]

I also have envy of people's desires, not of what they desire. I've felt this was behind my lack of motivation as well. I am not a person who wants much, I am fortunate to have enough of what one needs to live, plus a little for my interests, but I do not have the urge to work for more. One needs to have the desire, which perhaps is cultivated, a matter of neurology, or both and if those aren't present what to do?

Exactly.
I work for my living + interests - and I'm constantly depleted (just met the Spoon theory here on forum - it's about me)
I can't be motivated for doing MORE.
I don't have energy at all for it.

I spent a weekend at a campground this summer, and there were some very large motorhomes there and I was fascinated watching the people and their routines around this outsized, rather ridiculous concept of recreation ( I was bike riding). I could see how nice the motorhomes were, they had lots of food, drinks, etc. but I just don't see how I could be motivated to posses such things, do things in such a way. I will acknowledge that this is extreme, but it illustrates the point.

I think it's a good example.
I have a notion though about me and camping though.
In my case I was forced by my parents to spend my school weekends in a container (taken off wheels) barely adjusted for few days of living (on the small piece of land my mother owned in the country).
I coped then but now I can't live without proper human comfort any more. My body systems just stop working and I can't relax at all before I return to comfortable conditions (shower with hot water, toilet, overall living space).

I do have a desire for companionship, a relationship, but have been overwhelmed with the needs of a relationship, what it requires to thrive. It may be because I have been involved with people who expect normal emotional connection, whatever that is, those feelings you mentioned.

Well, maybe my problem is that it's hard for me to learn how to maintain connection with other humans.
And I'm terrified of been taken over and suppressed by the partner.
I have several good friends of my sex - and I learned how to communicate with female humans to avoid most of hurting (mostly I learned how to make polite escape if I feel like) but male humans are totally unpredictable and don't see me as person, so I can not communicate at all without been interpreted through the common prejudice of 'woman logic'.
So I prefer to keep my distance and envy other girls' feelings in relationship - because what gives them feeling of 'happiness' is quite horrible experience in my opinion (all these constant bickering and power-play, pleadings for money and cookings (I hate cooking!), efforts to be 'beautifully' dressed and 'sweet' to the partner and so on)
I prefer honest friendship over any possible challenges of 'love relationship'.
I admire women who can stand real 'love relationship'.
They are super-heroines in my mind...

 

[Naturalist]

Interesting. Way back when I was in school they used make a big thing over the difference between empathy and sympathy. "It's no good just sympathizing, you have to empathize". I just looked up sympathy, empathy and compassion. I don't see much difference. According to my dictionary they all are about feeling what the other person feels (note that nothing is said about actions or other outward expression in the definitions). I think they all imply a negative emotion, but that doesn't appear in the definitions either.

My impression was, that sympathy was an acknowledgement of others' feelings (as in "sympathy card"), whereas empathy implied a more intimate understanding of those feelings. I have always felt that my emotional responses are quite separate from those of others, even if the emotion expressed is similar. For example, someone might be sad because they just got bad news, and I would feel deep sadness; but my sadness is because I do not like to see them sad, not because I actually share their sadness. And sometimes I pick up on someone's emotions, and I do not know why I feel the way I do; if I later find out the reason for the emotion, I may become angry because I do not think the reason justifies the degree of emotion associated with it.

I do think "empathy" can mean sharing positive as well as negative feelings; but people do not always use it that way. I am frequently accused of failing to "feel happy" for others at the right time.