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This is hard to say.

Roxiee said:
I'm trying. I have been doing it for so long I think I'm used to how it feels or if it's normal. But I'm sorry. Just all of what he did has caused me so much pain and aches I had to self harm.
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Roxiee NO need to feel you have to say youre sorry remember? Nor feeling guilty that you did.

I also understand that as you say you have done this so long it's hard to stop and to you its feels natural and helps etc.... But that's one of the many things you need to try to get control of. There are many other ways to get the inner chaos and demons inside of you that don't require self-harm, suicide, booze, drugs etc.... And that's what you need to try to find dear with the help of professionals that can help you in youre search (I'm talking about open care NOT locked)
 
Roxiee said:
I'm trying. I have been doing it for so long I think I'm used to how it feels or if it's normal. But I'm sorry. Just all of what he did has caused me so much pain and aches I had to self harm.
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That does not help at all. Your mom is supporting you and i guess she cares for you a lot, you have a daughter, try to be strong, don't let what that idiot did to you do more harm to you indirectly, you are worth a lot.
 
Roxiee said:
He really hurt and destroyed me. I'm not a girl anymore I'm just a sexual abuse victim who's a worthless person
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Yes, he did really hurt you Roxiee. BUT youre not even close to be as destroyed or lost cause or worthless as you belive youre self to be Roxiee.

Yes, you are broken soul (same as me) BUT the rest is all in youre mind dear.

belive it or not i have also been like you pretty mush up to 18 `th birthday when i i said NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!! I have been bullied since before kindergarten. viewed and treated and regarded as a retard from most (incl society /school / docs etc....) was a human carpet and got stepped on time after time after time? and myself esteem was WAY lower than you have my young friend i felt completely useless i had no right nor did i deserve any respect etc.... (i even have it in my files (when i got my ID diagnos ) that i would never be able to be a productive worker or being able to do pretty much anything for the rest of my life. i had to fight against all odds since i was born for just about anything i have managed to achieve in this life. And my entire family and reel friends are amazed im still around as they know the living h.... I had to walk thru since birth and up throughout my entire life. BUT here i am Roxiee against all odds im right here still fighting every day against the same odds. and yet i don't self-harm/ don't use drugs/ don't drink / even don't on any meds for any of my gazillion diagnosis and problems never had never will on all stated ways)

and i have been dealing with the so-called professionals since i was 4 - when i got my ASD diagnos and they finally tossed in the towel with me and sadly in MY case it hasn't helped diddly. BUT that was in the past when they actually didn't know squat about this kind of diagnosis. They do now & they CAN help you Roxiee.

And Roxiee if i could learn all this with all my diagnosis and co morbids etc... Not to mention levels belive me so can and WILL you dear. BUT ot will take a lot of hard and dedicated work from youre side

And there is NOTHING wrong in either accepting professional help, nor if needed and it actually help Meds Roxiee. nor do any of this make you a looser / a failure / worthless or burden.

And above all NO Roxiee you have NOTHING to have to feel ashamed of my young friend.
 
Sarah S said:
Yes, he did really hurt you Roxiee. BUT youre not even close to be as destroyed or lost cause or worthless as you belive youre self to be Roxiee.

Yes, you are broken soul (same as me) BUT the rest is all in youre mind dear.

belive it or not i have also been like you pretty mush up to 18 `th birthday when i i said NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!! I have been bullied since before kindergarten. viewed and treated and regarded as a retard from most (incl society /school / docs etc....) was a human carpet and got stepped on time after time after time? and myself esteem was WAY lower than you have my young friend i felt completely useless i had no right nor did i deserve any respect etc.... (i even have it in my files (when i got my ID diagnos ) that i would never be able to be a productive worker or being able to do pretty much anything for the rest of my life. i had to fight against all odds since i was born for just about anything i have managed to achieve in this life. And my entire family and reel friends are amazed im still around as they know the living h.... I had to walk thru since birth and up throughout my entire life. BUT here i am Roxiee against all odds im right here still fighting every day against the same odds. and yet i don't self-harm/ don't use drugs/ don't drink / even don't on any meds for any of my gazillion diagnosis and problems never had never will on all stated ways)

and i have been dealing with the so-called professionals since i was 4 - when i got my ASD diagnos and they finally tossed in the towel with me and sadly in MY case it hasn't helped diddly. BUT that was in the past when they actually didn't know squat about this kind of diagnosis. They do now & they CAN help you Roxiee.

And Roxiee if i could learn all this with all my diagnosis and co morbids etc... Not to mention levels belive me so can and WILL you dear. BUT ot will take a lot of hard and dedicated work from youre side

And there is NOTHING wrong in either accepting professional help, nor if needed and it actually help Meds Roxiee. nor do any of this make you a looser / a failure / worthless or burden.

And above all NO Roxiee you have NOTHING to have to feel ashamed of my young friend.
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Hugs I am sorry
 
Roxiee said:
Hugs !!! I'm so glad for all yours help
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And hug to you as well. I'm always glad when I see your posts on here. It's nice seeing that you are having a good time with your child, and your pets, and your mother.

Over here things are going pretty well. It's a busy day but it's not a bad day. I am swamped with the college stuff and all that but it will be ok. I hope you're continuing to do better a little each day--each hour, even. But don't hurt yourself or feel bad about yourself just because some days aren't as good as the next.
 
Roxiee said:
He really hurt and destroyed me. I'm not a girl anymore I'm just a sexual abuse victim who's a worthless person
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No, I disagree with what you wrote

You are an abuse survivor who has rebuilt their life
You are a worthy person, just because you are.

You do not need to do anything for anyone to prove your worth (to yourself or others)
 
Gerontius said:
And hug to you as well. I'm always glad when I see your posts on here. It's nice seeing that you are having a good time with your child, and your pets, and your mother.

Over here things are going pretty well. It's a busy day but it's not a bad day. I am swamped with the college stuff and all that but it will be ok. I hope you're continuing to do better a little each day--each hour, even. But don't hurt yourself or feel bad about yourself just because some days aren't as good as the next.
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This is the sweetest thing! I just came home from a walk felt a bit wary but I'm safe! So I'm pleased! Hugs!
 
Alexej said:
No, I disagree with what you wrote

You are an abuse survivor who has rebuilt their life
You are a worthy person, just because you are.

You do not need to do anything for anyone to prove your worth (to yourself or others)
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I'm not worth Alex. Never
 
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