Thoughts on non-monogamous relationships

[Bolletje]

The only thing that really irritates me about nonmonogamy is its claim that it's somehow more enlightened (or more natural) than monogamy.

Oh yeah, I fully agree. But the whole concept of people trying to claim superiority for their own tribe irks me.

 

[selena]

The only thing that really irritates me about nonmonogamy is its claim that it's somehow more enlightened (or more natural) than monogamy.

I mean polygamy is the one that's illegal in most places in the US...

While it's true that marriage has its roots in patriarchy and romantic+sexual relationship shouldn't be upheld as the most superior form of relationship is all, if we already fought so hard to have gay marriage legalized I don't see a reason why we shouldn't continue the fight to have polygamy legalized.

 

[zozie]

I mean polygamy is the one that's illegal in most places in the US...

While it's true that marriage has its roots in patriarchy and romantic+sexual relationship shouldn't be upheld as the most superior form of relationship is all, if we already fought so hard to have gay marriage legalized I don't see a reason why we shouldn't continue the fight to have polygamy legalized.

I should clarify: I don't support any type of consensual relationship holding itself above others. This goes for monogamy, too.

 

[SimonSays]

if we already fought so hard to have gay marriage legalized I don't see a reason why we shouldn't continue the fight to have polygamy legalized.

It wasn't that long ago here that homosexuality was illegal and you could go to prison for it. Legalised gay marriage shows we have come a long way from those days. But I've always been someone who does what is right without needing a consensus to agree, or a government to legalise it.

Of course legalisation or social acceptance should just be there, for whatever consenting adults want to do by way of expressing love or sexuality. It's not a government issue. Nor was Gay marriage. Nothing stopped two people from living together in common law, just as heterosexual partnerships often do, without seeking permission or approval from church or state. I'm sure their are benefits, tax incentives, etc, to be officially married, but I would much prefer to see people living their own way independent of official approval, and openly doing so, as they should feel comfortable with who they are and empowered by showing it.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I mean polygamy is the one that's illegal in most places in the US...

While it's true that marriage has its roots in patriarchy and romantic+sexual relationship shouldn't be upheld as the most superior form of relationship is all, if we already fought so hard to have gay marriage legalized I don't see a reason why we shouldn't continue the fight to have polygamy legalized.

I should clarify: I don't support any type of consensual relationship holding itself above others. This goes for monogamy, too.

Yeah. Polyamory should be legal. I have no right to judge somebody's sex life (unless they are a pedophile or zoophile), and neither does anybody else.

 

[Ronin82]

Here's my take on ENM. I'm totally up for it! I know I have so many issues with emotional availability in relationships, and I know I can be too much for some folks, so if they need a break from me, go for it! Also, I don't like to be cheated on, so as long as I'm ok with people getting their needs met elsewhere (with boundaries and things talked out and agreed to before hand), everything's good. I tend to prefer only one partner because...germs....but I don't mind if things happen and good experiences come out of trusting relationships. Also, I'm bi, so I kind of like the idea of having a partner of both genders.

 

[Kalinychta]

Yeah. Polygamy should be legal. I have no right to judge somebody's sex life (unless they are a pedophile or zoophile), and neither does anybody else.

Polygamy is disgusting and very, very different from polyamory. It’s a patriarchal religious practice (generally speaking) that I think is very exploitive of women—it’s always men having numerous wives, never women having numerous husbands. When it comes to women, polygamy, and religion, the term “consenting” becomes complicated, because patriarchal religions regard women as unequal and subordinate—so if you’re brainwashing women into believing this, they can’t really consent to any type of lifestyle that you’re proposing, such as one involving polygamy.

 

[Alexej]

it’s always men having numerous wives, never women having numerous husbands.

It is called polyandry where a woman has multiple husbands and this is practiced in some parts of the world today.

 

[Kalinychta]

It’s extremely rare and not religious-based.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Polygamy is disgusting and very, very different from polyamory. It’s a patriarchal religious practice (generally speaking) that I think is very exploitive of women—it’s always men having numerous wives, never women having numerous husbands. When it comes to women, polygamy, and religion, the term “consenting” becomes complicated, because patriarchal religions regard women as unequal and subordinate—so if you’re brainwashing women into believing this, they can’t really consent to any type of lifestyle that you’re proposing, such as one involving polygamy.

Sorry. I thought they were the same? I will edit my comment.

Your tone comes off as extremely accusatory, as I didn't know the difference beforehand. Can you chill please? Stop assuming things and basically calling me sexist. I literally said the wrong term, that is all.

 

[Kalinychta]

Sorry. I thought they were the same? I will edit my comment.

Your tone comes off as extremely accusatory, as I didn't know the difference beforehand. Can you chill please? Stop assuming things and basically calling me sexist. I literally said the wrong term, that is all.

Oh you mean when I wrote “you”? I didn’t mean you personally, sorry. I was speaking in the second person.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Oh you mean when I wrote “you”? I didn’t mean you personally, sorry. I was speaking in the second person.

Well, you quoted my post, so it was assumed to be targeted towards me, especially since it was all one paragraph.

 

[selena]

Polygamy is disgusting and very, very different from polyamory. It’s a patriarchal religious practice (generally speaking) that I think is very exploitive of women—it’s always men having numerous wives, never women having numerous husbands. When it comes to women, polygamy, and religion, the term “consenting” becomes complicated, because patriarchal religions regard women as unequal and subordinate—so if you’re brainwashing women into believing this, they can’t really consent to any type of lifestyle that you’re proposing, such as one involving polygamy.

Isn't this true only because the nature of the world as we know it is patriarchal? It's the same reason true equality in two-person relationships rarely exists, if at all, even if the male half of the relationship alleges to be open-minded or progressive. Marriage these days can be secular, but it still has its religious origins and you can abandon only so many traditions. Modern women today are still doing things like dropping their (father's) last name when they get married and giving up their career while coming up with all sorts of excuse for doing decidedly non-feminist things--and these are the ones that are from the upper socioeconomic status that supposedly have options.

While I'm not personally offended, y'all really need to tone it down with all these comments that amount to "how disgusting" and at least step back and re-evaluate what your issue is with your idea of polygamy. Monogamy basically gives two people an excuse to have stalker-like obsession with each other, and domestic violence in monogamous relationships is a thing. Think about that for at least two minutes.

 

[Kalinychta]

Isn't this true only because the nature of the world as we know it is patriarchal? It's the same reason true equality in two-person relationships rarely exists, if at all, even if the male half of the relationship alleges to be open-minded or progressive. Marriage these days can be secular, but it still has its religious origins and you can abandon only so many traditions. Modern women today are still doing things like dropping their (father's) last name when they get married and giving up their career while coming up with all sorts of excuse for doing decidedly non-feminist things--and these are the ones that are from the upper socioeconomic status that supposedly have options.

While I'm not personally offended, y'all really need to tone it down with all these comments that amount to "how disgusting" and at least step back and re-evaluate what your issue is with your idea of polygamy. Monogamy basically gives two people an excuse to have stalker-like obsession with each other, and domestic violence in monogamous relationships is a thing. Think about that for at least two minutes.

Okay, I thought about it for two minutes...and I stand by what I said. There’s a big difference between largely harmless, “vestigial” religious traditions (such as women continuing to adopt the surnames of their husbands) and keeping women in glorified harems. I do find the latter quite disgusting.

 

[Fino]

Intelligently worded writing can often come off as harsh.

 

[Thinx]

Intelligently worded writing can often come off as harsh.

I don't think use of intelligence often or predominantly results in sounding harsh, there have been a number of comments here that 'come off as harsh' due to use of generalisation accompanied by pejorative and reductive terms, such as 'disgusting'.