Toxic Co-workers

[WoodWorkingJoel]

Having been raised by an extremely negative parent I adopted that attitude when I started worked, in short I was that toxic co-worker. If I felt someone was bad at their job I let them and everyone else know about it.
I Often made people look extremely stupid in meetings. The net result was 20 years of going nowhere, its only on my current job I've salvaged anything with my career. In my case it was a combo of upbringing, perceived justice and then frustration that turned me into a total ass.

 

[Mindf'Elle'ness]

Having been raised by an extremely negative parent I adopted that attitude when I started worked, in short I was that toxic co-worker. If I felt someone was bad at their job I let them and everyone else know about it.
I Often made people look extremely stupid in meetings. The net result was 20 years of going nowhere, its only on my current job I've salvaged anything with my career. In my case it was a combo of upbringing, perceived justice and then frustration that turned me into a total ass.

I know. Our past can bring us a lifetime of suffering in so many ways. Far reaching affects.
It's one thing to be a jerk to one's colleagues, it's another to be a bad employee and cause misery for those around them that have to pick up the slack, and listen to others' complaints about a coworker endlessly, etc. Causes a lack of morale for those that actually care to be professional.

 

[Aspychata]

Since l am a tab older, (my birth certificate just turned to dust), l check for *things* with my homies.
If they are jerk co-workers, l don't need to do much, but if they are jerks and all of the sudden want to blow up my battleship then l just sit back and wait, like a snake. Like l know you will strike but l also know l am a hardworker and my reputation comes first. . My new place- surprisingly the woman have been very nice, like genuinely nice. So l just get to be me. And the floor manager sorta talks to herself, so we get along great. Her and l are maybe the same age. The guy manager above her turned out okay too, and the top honcho boss, she is super professional but nice too. It sorta makes up for a lifetime of crappy work environments. There are some men that l have issues with but nobody wants to lose their job so they pussyfoot around me. But there was some effort in trying to intimidate me. I like pussyfoot - l thinks it means we sorta screw with you but we keep it on the downlow. Somebody may explain a better definition of this.

 

[Mindf'Elle'ness]

Since l am a tab older, (my birth certificate just turned to dust), l check for *things* with my homies.
If they are jerk co-workers, l don't need to do much, but if they are jerks and all of the sudden want to blow up my battleship then l just sit back and wait, like a snake. Like l know you will strike but l also know l am a hardworker and my reputation comes first. . My new place- surprisingly the woman have been very nice, like genuinely nice. So l just get to be me. And the floor manager sorta talks to herself, so we get along great. Her and l are maybe the same age. The guy manager above her turned out okay too, and the top honcho boss, she is super professional but nice too. It sorta makes up for a lifetime of crappy work environments. There are some men that l have issues with but nobody wants to lose their job so they pussyfoot around me. But there was some effort in trying to intimidate me. I like pussyfoot - l thinks it means we sorta screw with you but we keep it on the downlow. Somebody may explain a better definition of this.

I'm like that too, that I try to maintain a reputation. Mine is hard working, a 'do anything for you' mentality, friendliness. I feel that that's my armour against this coworker who badmouths me to people, including our manager.

 

[garnetflower13]

I am retired now, but have had my share of toxic co-workers. I have had them conduct full on witch hunts - on myself, on other employees too. They would make up outright lies to get me fired, and popularity always won out over hard work. I have only ever had a workplace experience that I really loved, where got along with everyone and they liked and respected me. But that was a long time ago.

 

[Chris34]

I was hoping someone would address this issue. Really, I had my very first job some time ago, like in January, straight out of University with 3 languages learned and some other abilities. I was proud of myself and was eager to start a new job. But it didn't go as expected.

WARNING: Long post ahead.

I'm a mechanical engineer and the placed I worked at was a company that sold medical equipment, gave maintenance services and did installation projects on medical facilities. Basically my job was to create the maintenance system workflow from scratch, they were doing things in the wild, no order, no schedule and no correlation of activities, a HUGE mess.

I was thrown with no training, induction or anything really. My very first day I only had 4 hours of getting to know people, process, systems and tools I was going to use. I was very afraid to screw up. My coworkers were very nice and friendly, but 2 of them were a pain to deal with. One was the boss of technicians, he was hated in secret but in person they all talked and tried to get along with him, also he was very stubborn and had an attitude of superiority. But nothing compared to the boss. He was around his 50's and always used foul language at work, used derogatory terms for other people, made fun of coworkers on their back, insulted young employees. A very nasty person.

I had to faced a 4 hour routine of being talked down, yelled at and generally being treated with disrespect by him one day that he asked to make a weekly executive report "according to company policy", with no training whatsoever I was clueless about this, I grabbed a previous report as a guide and did the best I could. Then the 4 hour hell began when I showed it to him. It didn't help also that the job was 55 hours a week, Monday to Saturday.

I needed to vent this out guys, sorry about that. But yeah, dealing with this types of people can affect Asperger's differently I guess, because some other friends tell me they dealt with similar things and I'm often surprised about how well they handled it.

 

[Mindf'Elle'ness]

I was hoping someone would address this issue. Really, I had my very first job some time ago, like in January, straight out of University with 3 languages learned and some other abilities. I was proud of myself and was eager to start a new job. But it didn't go as expected.

WARNING: Long post ahead.

I'm a mechanical engineer and the placed I worked at was a company that sold medical equipment, gave maintenance services and did installation projects on medical facilities. Basically my job was to create the maintenance system workflow from scratch, they were doing things in the wild, no order, no schedule and no correlation of activities, a HUGE mess.

I was thrown with no training, induction or anything really. My very first day I only had 4 hours of getting to know people, process, systems and tools I was going to use. I was very afraid to screw up. My coworkers were very nice and friendly, but 2 of them were a pain to deal with. One was the boss of technicians, he was hated in secret but in person they all talked and tried to get along with him, also he was very stubborn and had an attitude of superiority. But nothing compared to the boss. He was around his 50's and always used foul language at work, used derogatory terms for other people, made fun of coworkers on their back, insulted young employees. A very nasty person.

I had to faced a 4 hour routine of being talked down, yelled at and generally being treated with disrespect by him one day that he asked to make a weekly executive report "according to company policy", with no training whatsoever I was clueless about this, I grabbed a previous report as a guide and did the best I could. Then the 4 hour hell began when I showed it to him. It didn't help also that the job was 55 hours a week, Monday to Saturday.

I needed to vent this out guys, sorry about that. But yeah, dealing with this types of people can affect Asperger's differently I guess, because some other friends tell me they dealt with similar things and I'm often surprised about how well they handled it.

Yikes! Yeah, that sounds like the job from hell. It's one thing if the toxic worker is at your level, but when it's a boss...who's in charge of your paycheque? You didn't mention if you're still there. Usually people at all levels try to be on their best behavior towards the 'new kid', but it sounds like that didn't happen for you.
You've got your youth going for you...you can tough it out for a couple of years maybe, and then look for something else. I say a couple of years because you want your experience to look good on a resume.
No problem with venting! I'm glad this site is here and able to provide you a safe forum for doing that.

 

[Aspychata]

I was hoping someone would address this issue. Really, I had my very first job some time ago, like in January, straight out of University with 3 languages learned and some other abilities. I was proud of myself and was eager to start a new job. But it didn't go as expected.

WARNING: Long post ahead.

I'm a mechanical engineer and the placed I worked at was a company that sold medical equipment, gave maintenance services and did installation projects on medical facilities. Basically my job was to create the maintenance system workflow from scratch, they were doing things in the wild, no order, no schedule and no correlation of activities, a HUGE mess.

I was thrown with no training, induction or anything really. My very first day I only had 4 hours of getting to know people, process, systems and tools I was going to use. I was very afraid to screw up. My coworkers were very nice and friendly, but 2 of them were a pain to deal with. One was the boss of technicians, he was hated in secret but in person they all talked and tried to get along with him, also he was very stubborn and had an attitude of superiority. But nothing compared to the boss. He was around his 50's and always used foul language at work, used derogatory terms for other people, made fun of coworkers on their back, insulted young employees. A very nasty person.

I had to faced a 4 hour routine of being talked down, yelled at and generally being treated with disrespect by him one day that he asked to make a weekly executive report "according to company policy", with no training whatsoever I was clueless about this, I grabbed a previous report as a guide and did the best I could. Then the 4 hour hell began when I showed it to him. It didn't help also that the job was 55 hours a week, Monday to Saturday.

I needed to vent this out guys, sorry about that. But yeah, dealing with this types of people can affect Asperger's differently I guess, because some other friends tell me they dealt with similar things and I'm often surprised about how well they handled it.

This is one of those jobs you take only for advancement. Learn as much as you can. Learn to appease idiot jerk boss and when you get a year, feel like you really upgraded your skills then start looking for a better thing.
The first jobs are always crappy. These are where you get your foot in the door. Can you take this jerk out for beers afterwards- like a weak attempt to get camaraderie on your side? Maybe invite one other guy he sorta gets along with. It could be this guy is just worried about becoming obsolete with all this young talent. Good luck.

FYI you very rarely get training. You are just thrown in, and it's sink or swim. This true of a lot of jobs. It's your quick wits and ability to adopt that keep you high on food chain. Recently l was told a lot of people couldn't handle the system but it's not that hard at my current job.

 

[Rasputin]

In my previous job, I worked with two toxic co-workers for about a year until I had a meltdown on the job. These two individuals conspired to drive off all of the senior team members, and my boss was very complacent and non-confrontational. Even worse, he provided no leadership. I attempted to fill the void by leading, mentoring, and supervising, even though I had no formal authority.

This situation led to two events that led to me leaving this employer. First I was quoted out of context behind my back and this led to an older co-worker getting his feelings hurt and abruptly quitting his job. When I found out what was said, I confronted the toxic co-worker who of course lied, denying he did anything. His lying to my face caused me to lose control, and I became very angry, very angry. Although I did not do anything except losing my temper, I was verbally reprimanded by Human Resources.

Then about a month later, his buddy filed a false hostile workplace complaint against me. Because of the earlier incident, Human Resources did not even attempt to investigate the incident. The earlier verbal reprimand was noted, and this time I received a written reprimand which was placed in my personnel file. When my boss came to my defense, the Vice President he reported to removed him from his position. I found my current job a few months later and terminated my employment to get away from the toxic environment. That was seven years ago, but I have not yet gotten over these incidents.

My advice to anyone with ASD, Asperger's, General Anxiety Disorder, or Depression working in a toxic environment is to quietly look for a new job and leave on your own terms. Do not try to deal with a situation that you are I'll equipped to handle.

 

[Chris34]

Yikes! Yeah, that sounds like the job from hell. It's one thing if the toxic worker is at your level, but when it's a boss...who's in charge of your paycheque? You didn't mention if you're still there. Usually people at all levels try to be on their best behavior towards the 'new kid', but it sounds like that didn't happen for you.
You've got your youth going for you...you can tough it out for a couple of years maybe, and then look for something else. I say a couple of years because you want your experience to look good on a resume.
No problem with venting! I'm glad this site is here and able to provide you a safe forum for doing that.

Well I managed to work there for only 1 month. I did it after I talked to a Professor I was very close to. She told me that there is a certain amount of things that one is able to handle at a job, for example the routine, workload on some days being heavy, some disagreement with a coworker, etc. But being treated badly is not one of them, because as she stated "everyone deserves to be treated with respect, when that doesn't happen, you either put an end to it and make it clear, or turn around and leave".

Rignt now, I'm looking for something else while I get my things in order and hope to toughen up more if something like this happens again.

 

[Aspychata]

In my previous job, I worked with two toxic co-workers for about a year until I had a meltdown on the job. These two individuals conspired to drive off all of the senior team members, and my boss was very complacent and non-confrontational. Even worse, he provided no leadership. I attempted to fill the void by leading, mentoring, and supervising, even though I had no formal authority.

This situation led to two events that led to me leaving this employer. First I was quoted out of context behind my back and this led to an older co-worker getting his feelings hurt and abruptly quitting his job. When I found out what was said, I confronted the toxic co-worker who of course lied, denying he did anything. His lying to my face caused me to lose control, and I became very angry, very angry. Although I did not do anything except losing my temper, I was verbally reprimanded by Human Resources.

Then about a month later, his buddy filed a false hostile workplace complaint against me. Because of the earlier incident, Human Resources did not even attempt to investigate the incident. The earlier verbal reprimand was noted, and this time I received a written reprimand which was placed in my personnel file. When my boss came to my defense, the Vice President he reported to removed him from his position. I found my current job a few months later and terminated my employment to get away from the toxic environment. That was seven years ago, but I have not yet gotten over these incidents.

My advice to anyone with ASD, Asperger's, General Anxiety Disorder, or Depression working in a toxic environment is to quietly look for a new job and leave on your own terms. Do not try to deal with a situation that you are I'll equipped to handle.

Sorry to hear that. Sometimes moving on works out in the end. Better job, better pay, shorter commute, better benefits, then you just can say sponge bob style- kiss my piehole to the prior employment.

 

[Rasputin]

Well I managed to work there for only 1 month. I did it after I talked to a Professor I was very close to. She told me that there is a certain amount of things that one is able to handle at a job, for example the routine, workload on some days being heavy, some disagreement with a coworker, etc. But being treated badly is not one of them, because as she stated "everyone deserves to be treated with respect, when that doesn't happen, you either put an end to it and make it clear, or turn around and leave".

Rignt now, I'm looking for something else while I get my things in order and hope to toughen up more if something like this happens again.

The good news is you have a good education and skills that are in demand. The timing was not bad either considering all of the jobs lost due to COVID 19. Eventually jobs will open up and you should be okay. Considering the timing, I would not even put this on your resume. Just say you did some temporary work until you could find a permanent opportunity.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Think I can help you with that one. I've worked and lived with people like that. Loud, obnoxious, petty. All examples of someone with a massive insecurity complex. Which manifests to eventually become open aggression toward people around them.

Life has not been kind to them. And eventually they take it out on everyone around them. Treat them like regular people. Be polite and respectful always, eventually the annoying facade might soften toward you. They armor themselves so they won't be hurt ever again. You may eventually discover what is underneath that armor that they fight against everyone with. They are afraid, scared and insecure, they look for slights, insults in everything said to them and overreact each time.

I've walked into the 'lions den' many times. And found a reasonable, insightful and valuable person inside. Remaining calm, has caused the other person to be calm. Not showing any fear, has been helpful. Treating them with respect but not flattering or toadying to them in any way. Will help you gain their trust.

You sound wise, did you read a lot of fiction when you were younger as that makes for wise children and successful insightful adults.

 

[Mia]

You sound wise, did you read a lot of fiction when you were younger as that makes for wise children and successful insightful adults.

I did read a lot of fiction as a child. It helped me understand the world around me.

 

[garnetflower13]

I did read a lot of fiction as a child. It helped me understand the world around me.

I am a bookworm, too! And what you said about being reasonable while others are not, helps situations not to escalate and become a massive drain on energy.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I did read a lot of fiction as a child. It helped me understand the world around me.

How old were you when you learnt to read?
Did your parents read to you?
Do you have theory of mind? The ability to know when you are being manipulated etc?
I ask because there is a study that says if an autistic person has not learnt theory of mind by ages 2-3, the window of opportunity closes.
I hope its ok to ask all of these questions.
Thank you

 

[Gift2humanity]

I am a bookworm, too! And what you said about being reasonable while others are not, helps situations not to escalate and become a massive drain on energy.

When did you learnt to read also?
Were you read to as a child by your parents?
Can you tell what other people's intentions might be?

 

[garnetflower13]

When did you learnt to read also?
Were you read to as a child by your parents?
Can you tell what other people's intentions might be?

I was taught to read at age three, by my mother, and she read to us as well. As a result, I was skipped to first grade when I started kindergarten. At my current age, I can tell people's intentions only because I have a vast data base of past patterns of behavior to draw from; however there is always a new one I haven't encountered yet. I guess I missed that window you mentioned because I was victimized many times as a child and young adult.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I was taught to read at age three, by my mother, and she read to us as well. As a result, I was skipped to first grade when I started kindergarten. At my current age, I can tell people's intentions only because I have a vast data base of past patterns of behavior to draw from; however there is always a new one I haven't encountered yet. I guess I missed that window you mentioned because I was victimized many times as a child and young adult.

My mum gave us plenty of reading opportunities. I taught myself to read at two years old. My poor late Dad had a Dark Personality Disorder where it was painful for him to see his little girl shine, so he called me Baby and this upset me so much, it became more important than my reading talent, despite there being plenty of golden opportunities in our house to read quality literature, like comics and classic literature from my older brothers.
Its so sad because I could have taught the sister a year older than me to read, I could have got social skills and developed my intuition and learnt to stand up to my Dad and his violence, yes, little kids do get in between violent parents to protect the victim.
Instead, I turned out to be a victim, by my own choosing, underachieved, got bullied and ended up bitter towards my parents, moved away and now live in a Leasehold flat with so many problems that it upsets me to talk about them, touched on them in another thread. Sorry that you were victimised, I think you would have suffered far worse if you hadn't of continued reading.

 

[Mia]

How old were you when you learnt to read?
Did your parents read to you?
Do you have theory of mind? The ability to know when you are being manipulated etc?

I think I was self-taught, younger than five years old.

My father read to me, my mother sang to me at bedtime.

Not early on, later in life. The most important part of which, is standing up to the person. I learned that from experience.