Trashing people with different opinions

[Granta_Omega]

Has anyone ever found that they couldn't help but do this, even if subtly?

My therapist generally sees me as a very logical person, and so do my family and friends. The problem is, when others respond to my opinion with emotional disagreement after I've practically proven them wrong, I find it as a sign of stupidity and incompetence and I often have an impulse to expose them and humiliate them.

I don't care if someone has a different opinion of their favorites movies, their preferred food choices, or some types of financial politics, but I generally get upset over more controversial related issues where I feel people are arguing with their emotional bias and I generally call them names such as an incompetent, simple minded idiot that doesn't belong in society. I've lost friends this way and have made others very intimidated to get into barely any discussions with me because it often ends with me tearing people to pieces and generally not caring if I hurt their feelings or not.

If I ended up being wrong or ended up hurting someone when I looked back and found it unjustified, I do generally feel bad about it, but most of the time I don't feel I'm wrong.

I really can't see things in other people's points of view, or even basically see where they are coming from, which is why I have a hard time accepting people as reasonable human beings worth respect when they differ that significantly from my values and opinions.

Has anyone else had a problem with this? I'm working on it a bit with my therapist, but I've got much more to cover as well that I don't really ever work on one particular problem for multiple sessions in a row.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I generally don't have trouble seeing something from another person's point of view, and it only takes a little bit of explaining for me to be able to understand it if I didn't at first. If they're nice and reasonable about their opinion, I have no desire to fight them about it. But if they're really rude about their opinion and/or I don't like them, yeah... I'm not known to be lenient. Mundane example erring on the side of frugality, them: "I don't like fast food, want to grab a burger from a steakhouse instead?" me: "Sure! I know a lot of people who prefer 'fresher' food anyway". And if they're a butt about it, "Only the poor and unsophisticated eat fast food!" me: "I'd rather be a slob than a snob, now get off your high horse and eat your dang McDonalds instead of wasting $20 on 6 oz of meat."

If it's something more dangerous, like them wanting to pet a dog foaming at the mouth, I'm persistent about my viewpoint no matter how sweet they are.

 

[King_Oni]

I've had my issues with this in the past, and perhaps I do it now at times I'm just a bit more aware now.

What works in my advantage is that I can keep calm, I usually have a calm tone of voice and I can make people understand that they are talking with their emotions out in the open rather than looking at a rational point of view.

With that, I also feel that argueing rationally vs. emotionally is apples and oranges. To me, these should try to remain separated as much as possible, because facts have no place in an argument that is oozing with emotion and "feelings".

I never really got bothered by hurting people either; I call it what it is, and if I have an opinion of something and people don't like it, boo hoo... I'm not gonna change my opinion. However, I will say that choice of words might play part. Calling someone names is rarely a good way to argue, even if you disagree. Unless of course you know these people well and now how they take it.

Here's something to consider; what makes your opinion more important than others? Well, yes, obviously it's your perception and it's you that has to deal with your own mind, but I'm not sure it would be a good place if everyone flat out trashed everyones opinion over a slight difference.

Though perhaps, due to my small social group I interact with people who in general have the same opinions as me. I suppose the biggest difference is with my parents, but that's a generation- and age gap I suppose. And for that I can't really blame them.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

No, I do not have that problem.

 

[Voltekka_MK3]

Yeah i have this but i don't consider it a problem. If someone is wrong and isn't using facts but uses insults and emotions rather than constructive logic than i will relentlessly disprove their opinion if it is factually wrong. I can go at it for days,months,years,forever. For example in today's College class the teacher preached about bullying and how words are powerful.

She said that in WW1 Hitler gassed the Jews because of words when in actual fact this was later on in WW2 and is very wrong because the leader of Germany during WW1 was Kaiser Von-Wilhelm and the war started due to the various bonds each countries had and the shooting of the duke.

So i told her this and explained why she is wrong, and she basically denied as much as she could even though its a fact that Hitler came to power in WW2 and that's when the Jew problem started but she instead rolled her eyes and said whatever which i found pretty hypocritical from a teacher who preached and told us to write lines on how to respect people. Hypocrites are disgusting.

But same with my mom. I can prove her opinion wrong with facts quite easily and i could argue literally forever with her until she gets into an emotional outburst because i proved her opinion wrong. So she doesn't engage in debates with me because she knows I'll relentlessly argue until the facts have spoken

But i am a cold person really so i won't hesitate using cold hard logic.

 

[King_Oni]

She said that in WW1 Hitler gassed the Jews because of words when in actual fact this was later on in WW2 and is very wrong because the leader of Germany during WW1 was Kaiser Von-Wilhelm and the war started due to the various bonds each countries had and the shooting of the duke.

So i told her this and explained why she is wrong, and she basically denied as much as she could even though its a fact that Hitler came to power in WW2 and that's when the Jew problem started but she instead rolled her eyes and said whatever which i found pretty hypocritical from a teacher who preached and told us to write lines on how to respect people. Hypocrites are disgusting.

Oh man.. such a teacher would make my day, lol...

That is just mixing up your facts. Which a teacher should know better about I assume. But then again; the World wars have been a hot topic for most history classes... but rightfully so, since I almost live in Germany, hah.

There's no part of "emotion" there though... the emotion she brings is just being ignorant and being unable to deal with the comment she got that she was wrong. IMO not the best quality for a teacher. I mean; she could at least asked you "can you show me where I'm wrong?" instead of giving you some silly form of punishment to write something. But then again.. respect is earned, not given... perhaps that's the line you should've written, lol.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I see nothing wrong with a good debate - I love debates. The debate has to however deal only in facts - nothing personal. Thing is once someone calls me a name, then that's when it's over because that says to me that evidently they have no other proof to pull out of their arsenal to prove me wrong. I also believe that name calling tends to be on an emotional level.

 

[bentHnau]

No, it takes a bit of restraint, but I can hold back trashing such people publicly/out loud, although I can't stop doing it in my mind in certain situations. This restraint has become easier now that I understand (I hope) the thinking processes of "emotional people" because I have firmer knowledge of how little headway I'm making with them, especially when I resort to sarcasm.

The thing is that "emotional bias" is relevant in some situations (even in politics) and not so much in others. Perhaps if you attempt to understand the reasoning of such people, you can have more respect for their perspective. Not that this is an easy thing to achieve. In my experience, they often clam up in the face of penetrating questions because it is reminiscent of "debate," which they tend to dislike. A completely different format of information exchange is required. If the opinion is at all popular, sometimes you can lurk on their forums and blogs.

 

[Ereth]

I find it as a sign of stupidity and incompetence and I often have an impulse to expose them and humiliate them.

This is the core of the issue. You can disagree with someone without being contemptuous. Obviously you need to work on losing this attitude.

 

[AsheSkyler]

There's no part of "emotion" there though... the emotion she brings is just being ignorant and being unable to deal with the comment she got that she was wrong. IMO not the best quality for a teacher. I mean; she could at least asked you "can you show me where I'm wrong?" instead of giving you some silly form of punishment to write something. But then again.. respect is earned, not given... perhaps that's the line you should've written, lol.

Since when do teachers admit they're wrong and seek the truth? A rare teacher that I've never met. Well, I guess maybe one math teacher I had. I remember one very amusing night I asked about a second possible method to solve some equation, he said that it wasn't possible, and then he proceeded to show the class how my suggested method would work. I suspect brilliant Aspie communication at play in that one since he agreed with me in the end, and it certainly wasn't the first time I had that kind of conversation. I miss him, he was cool.

 

[Ereth]

She said that in WW1 Hitler gassed the Jews because of words when in actual fact this was later on in WW2 and is very wrong because the leader of Germany during WW1 was Kaiser Von-Wilhelm and the war started due to the various bonds each countries had and the shooting of the duke.

This is from a person teaching a college class?

Have you written a letter to the dean or anyone about it?

the Jew problem started

Am I correct in assuming that you're referring to Nazi Germany's demonization of Jewish people and not that you're insinuating that Jews are themselves a problem?

 

[King_Oni]

Since when do teachers admit they're wrong and seek the truth? A rare teacher that I've never met. Well, I guess maybe one math teacher I had. I remember one very amusing night I asked about a second possible method to solve some equation, he said that it wasn't possible, and then he proceeded to show the class how my suggested method would work. I suspect brilliant Aspie communication at play in that one since he agreed with me in the end, and it certainly wasn't the first time I had that kind of conversation. I miss him, he was cool.

I've had plenty of teachers here that didn't mind to be proven wrong. As long as I could back it up.

The few teachers who couldn't admit their faults were the kind of teachers who didn't have any passion in their work. They just showed up because they needed a paycheck. It's the teachers that won't even bother giving a good class/lesson; they're often ones that tell you to take out your books and get working on some assignments, while they slack off, get some coffee and sit around the classroom for those moments when someone has an question (which often is met with a sigh of annoyance)... but maybe that's just my experience...

 

[Ylva]

I do a quick calculation on the odds of accomplishing something whose benefits outweigh its drawbacks. I'll usually leave people alone with their misconceptions, because for all I know something that's important to them may rely on that mistaken belief. When I was twelve I was rebuked by my family for informing my aunt that three cubed is twenty-seven, because she firmly believed that it was eighty-one. They knew I was right, but didn't want her to feel stupid by learning something from a twelve-year-old.

If the other person's beliefs are too absurd to be argued with, such as "the world is six thousand years old", I will also leave them alone.

If it is factual, I'll tell them the right answer, not just that they are wrong. For instance, "actually, Hitler came to power in '33, during world war one he was just a traitor, and he went to prison for it". Some people get offended by that, but I am bothered by factual inaccuracy, so for the most part saying it accomplishes better results than shutting up about it.

I would also like to add that using words like "simple-minded" and "idiot" as insults is ableist language. Please don't do it.

 

[Granta_Omega]

I honestly just deal with so much anger and hatred for other people at times, and I don't wanna compromise like some mindless robot and play people's neurologically typical games to try and fit in. I don't even know what the purpose of living a life like this sometimes that I cannot change. I'm gonna find a permanent solution to my unwanted life sometime in the future though. I just don't have the guts yet.

 

[Ylva]

Improving life to something you can enjoy beats festering in traumatic memories until you can't take it anymore. How about you tell your therapist to shut up about other people's emotions, you are paying him to help you and you want to prioritise this?

 

[Granta_Omega]

What do you mean tell my therapist to shut up? When did I ever say my therapist talked about other people's emotions?

 

[Ylva]

In the OP you said that you were working on it with your therapist.

 

[Granta_Omega]

In the OP you said that you were working on it with your therapist.

I'm working on how to be less argumentative and brutal to people. I don't know what that has to do with that you said though.

 

[Ereth]

I'm gonna find a permanent solution to my unwanted life sometime in the future though. I just don't have the guts yet.

If you're saying what I think you're saying, please don't do that. And mention any and all suicidal ideation to your therapist.

 

[Granta_Omega]

If you're saying what I think you're saying, please don't do that. And mention any and all suicidal ideation to your therapist.

I've mentioned having been suicidal in the past, and told him that I fear that suicide may be inevitable someday. I've had long term suicide plans for years. I'm just waiting until I can't cope anymore and I don't have anything to look forward to. I'm going to be finishing college and trying a new career starting next fall, and if that doesn't work and I still don't find life satisfying, then I will have had enough.