Trying to make sense of what people told me when I mentioned being depressed

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Rodafina , @Alexandria , I bottled up my emotions so thoroughly that it resulted in PTSD as the only way I could make sense of them is to tell myself lies that I was damaged and worthless. It was not what others said when I was down, it was what I was telling myself.

 

[Rodafina]

It was not what others said when I was down, it was what I was telling myself.

I would not know what to do. I would just bottle up emotions like that and not talk to anybody about them.

@Gerald Wilgus, you’re using past tense here, does that suggest that you no longer do this? Did you learn how to ignore or quiet those voices from within? Do you have an outlet for expressing emotions now? If it’s okay to ask, of course.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Rodafina For the past year I have been going through Cognitive Processing Therapy learning and examining my feelings from the triggers when I'd regress to the shy, lonely and angry teen and young adult. Then I had to confront what I had internalized that are barriers to real understanding, showing how biased I was in remembering only the negative and discounting my positive attributes. Now I need to forgive that younger me for what he didn't understand. I am working on that final step. So, when something is triggering, I just remember how far I have come from that needy person to transcend things like not understanding social communication. (warning) Plus now that I have rekindled our sex life, that human need that caused me so many problems when young, is allowing me to express good feelings. Anymore I am allowing my slow processing to catch up before reacting.

It has been a bit of work getting this far and I think my therapist is compatible with me as I think we are looking at my therapy as a collaboration. I am enjoying the results.

 

[grommet]

I was, and still am, often told certain things when I mentioned to people about being clinically depressed. It usually involved sayings like “Don’t see the glass as half empty but as half full.”, “Things get worse before they get better.”, “Good things come to those who wait.”, and “When you going through Hell, keep going.”
But I was sometimes told harsh sentiments such as “You don’t live in Africa!”, “Quit moping around! That won’t get you anywhere!”, and “Take a chill pill!”

I still struggle to make sense of being told something like “I am sorry you are depressed but don’t give up!” or something similar. Am I being told I should just act like I am not depressed?

I think they are incorrectly telling you that your depression is something you have power over because they believe that is true. I used to explain that if I told someone I had the flu, they would not tell me ways I could stop it with my thinking.

 

[Fino]

I think they are incorrectly telling you that your depression is something you have power over because they believe that is true. I used to explain that if I told someone I had the flu, they would not tell me ways I could stop it with my thinking.

It's thoroughly proven that some people's depression can be alleviated by CBT.

 

[SusanLR]

@Alexandria
It is SO true those who bottle up their emotional pain it will cause physical problems.
I've studied this topic and experienced it personally.

Since my life's trauma and change of living routine, I've been nothing but physically ill and I know keeping it all inside started the ball rolling.
I had no friends to talk with. Therapy for me was like a sounding board.
It didn't really help that much although it was talking about my feelings to someone instead of the wall.
Unfortunately, the person I ended up living with has no empathy and I had to learn to keep it inside or be told to shut up and put down verbally because he didn't want to see it. Which makes you feel even worse.
Now I have a nervous system movement disorder that can't be helped by doctors and is progressive.

Being the opposite of @Rodafina , when I used to bottle up emotions to the point of explosion, the explosion was not towards myself, but rather outwardly destructive.
The type that needs a box of old dishes to let it out with.
Can't do that around most people.