Tania
Member
Hi, I'm 58 & only last year, got the first hint of 'my life explained' when I was trying out a church. I was explaining to the pastor about myself having no 'natural' social graces & asked him not to count on me to pitch in & contribute. His reply was simple, "Ah yeah, my friend's nephew has Asperger's." That was all & we changed the topic & kept talking about other things, but it stuck with me. I looked it up online when I got home & there I was (my traits, that is), on a website explaining Asperger's.
I went to my doctor, who also has Asperger's, so he knew how to quiz me. He said I tick all the boxes but at my age, the only reason people get a professional diagnosis is for Medicare rebates. He said that with roughly 30 years of learned behaviours, it's not worth pursuing. He said if I've made it this far & I'm still working, then I'm a survivor lol. I agree.
My view of friendships among non-aspie people is this - friendships are fluid, with ups & downs, changing views, changing standards etc, as time goes on. I've never known how to maintain connections with people like that. I just want to say, "Could you please just pick a standard & stick to it!"
When I was 4, in preschool, I hid in the toilets because I didn't know the steps to the dancing the class was doing. The cleaner found me later, when they'd finished & told me to rejoin the class. Noone ever thought twice about a shy, introverted little girl in those days.
I've only ever attracted 2 types of men - users & losers, so all my relationships have been either mentally or physically abusive. I've chosen to remain single since 2015 because even though I recognise the cycle & the why's & wherefore's, I also don't think I can break the cycle yet.
It's only been this year that I'm finally allowing myself to be me. I've never, ever been allowed to be me by anybody. I was raised to be submissive, which continued on into relationships, of course & have never known how to assert myself in a mature way.
So I'd rather be single. I do love my work though, as a community support worker. I've only been at it since September last year, but it suits my personality perfectly. Prior to that, I was a personal carer in nursing homes for 10 years. I absolutely loved looking after the elderly, but the bullying, undermining, belittling, gossiping & backstabbing by some other staff became too much.
After the 3rd nursing home in those 10 years, I branched out into community. I get to work solo, I only have to engage with clients for a certain amount of time & in that time, over time, I can work on showing them that they're valued, by doing my absolute best everytime I see them.
Aaaaanyway, that's enough of a rant lol. If you're still reading, hats off to you
I went to my doctor, who also has Asperger's, so he knew how to quiz me. He said I tick all the boxes but at my age, the only reason people get a professional diagnosis is for Medicare rebates. He said that with roughly 30 years of learned behaviours, it's not worth pursuing. He said if I've made it this far & I'm still working, then I'm a survivor lol. I agree.
My view of friendships among non-aspie people is this - friendships are fluid, with ups & downs, changing views, changing standards etc, as time goes on. I've never known how to maintain connections with people like that. I just want to say, "Could you please just pick a standard & stick to it!"
When I was 4, in preschool, I hid in the toilets because I didn't know the steps to the dancing the class was doing. The cleaner found me later, when they'd finished & told me to rejoin the class. Noone ever thought twice about a shy, introverted little girl in those days.
I've only ever attracted 2 types of men - users & losers, so all my relationships have been either mentally or physically abusive. I've chosen to remain single since 2015 because even though I recognise the cycle & the why's & wherefore's, I also don't think I can break the cycle yet.
It's only been this year that I'm finally allowing myself to be me. I've never, ever been allowed to be me by anybody. I was raised to be submissive, which continued on into relationships, of course & have never known how to assert myself in a mature way.
So I'd rather be single. I do love my work though, as a community support worker. I've only been at it since September last year, but it suits my personality perfectly. Prior to that, I was a personal carer in nursing homes for 10 years. I absolutely loved looking after the elderly, but the bullying, undermining, belittling, gossiping & backstabbing by some other staff became too much.
After the 3rd nursing home in those 10 years, I branched out into community. I get to work solo, I only have to engage with clients for a certain amount of time & in that time, over time, I can work on showing them that they're valued, by doing my absolute best everytime I see them.
Aaaaanyway, that's enough of a rant lol. If you're still reading, hats off to you
