Want someone to be a friend, but they are not interested

[The Penguin]

Many times I can find someone interesting to talk to and I feel like having them as my friend. However, most of the time the person is not interested. As this pattern keeps happening again and again, I can see I'm not an interesting person for most people. I did write many posts me saying I don't follow the norm. Part of this could relate to why people don't consider me interesting. I learned to accept this but I always wonder when would I meet someone that is interested in me?

 

[Kari Suttle]

I go through some of that myself. Back at my old college, i lived in a dorm but despite that I could never make real friends. The only two girls i made 'friends' with were barely interested in me, i felt like moreof a tagalong or a third wheel than anything else around them. At work when i started two years ago i would talk to my coworkers but they always stopped talking to me eventually. The only one that talks to me now is the guy that literally talks to everyone who works there, and its only casual. I'd never call him anything close to a friend.

My one fear in life is that i'll graduate, get a great job that i love, but still come home to an empty apartment or house with no friends to call, just pets. My one friend that i've had since i was little likes to drop off the face of the earth often, whenever anything is wrong in her life or if she's busy so i can't exactly depend on her for a close, steady friendship. Like you said, i myself have come to accept that for most people, something about me just puts them off or even if they like me just fine i'm not interesting enough for them.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh penguin, I feel so much the same as you. But something pretty amazing happened to me this morning. Two females came to stay with us for a week and thankfully, we got on and with promises to stay I touch. Well, I have
been thinking about one of them, that I particularly liked, but just could not make the first move and amazingly she texted me and said that she misses me, which rather overwhelmed me, but now, I am thinking: give it a week, because I don't want to be seen as a nuisance.

I personally do not find you in the least boring.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I have the same problem. I can be "interesting" in the sense that I have interesting, deep, and unusual thoughts about things. But I'm not really "friend" material, I guess. People aren't drawn to me when they want to relax or have fun. I'm trying to come to terms with this fact, and just be who I am, even if it means not having many friends.

I think, though, that the people who are the most beneficial in our lives are the ones who are drawn to authenticity, the ones who can appreciate truth even when it's uncomfortable or not pleasurable. So my quest in being more authentic might drive away most people...but will eventually attract the people who I will most value knowing. I hope...

I'm glad you're on this board. I enjoy your posts.

 

[Kaylee]

i feel you there, most of the time though it seems that people like me to begin with then just stop wanting to talk to me or be friends, it def makes it hard to keep people that i talk to and to stay in relationships.

 

[Licorice]

Yes, it's the same for me. I often have to wonder what it is about me that's so repellent compared to other people who are shy, awkward or different. I've watched them and tried to figure it out, but it's just so strange to me.

 

[Ylva]

I tend to just avoid people myself. Not a misanthrope, just not interested in rejection.

 

[watersprite]

Same here Penguin. I find at this point in my life, I'm most comfortable not pursuing it anymore in real life. Partly because I'm tired of Endings.

 

[Leej07]

I don't have any real friends, and I have no idea how to make friends. This pains me, because I do so desperately want real friends in my life... It's hard to accept.

 

[MicroWeiss]

Many times I can find someone interesting to talk to and I feel like having them as my friend. However, most of the time the person is not interested. As this pattern keeps happening again and again, I can see I'm not an interesting person for most people. I did write many posts me saying I don't follow the norm. Part of this could relate to why people don't consider me interesting. I learned to accept this but I always wonder when would I meet someone that is interested in me?

Do you mean online or in person? One time I read a persons blog that I really liked and wanted to be friends with, it took a lot of courage to dredge up the nerve to ask her to be my friend, but she said yes, and we've been friends for like 8 years, and I got to go visit her once. I prefer online friends, because you can just send an email once in a while and pick up where you left off, sort of. Sometimes my desire to socialize goes way down, to where a typical person could think I am avoiding them and being a jerk.

Most people want to talk a lot and will talk -at- you if you aren't making nasty faces at them or something. I don't enjoy chit chat for longer than 10 minutes with most people, it becomes like something miserable I am enduring after that. But it's good to know people and stuff. Networking is good.

 

[Leej07]

I have a few online friends. The web is great for meeting people and becoming friends.

 

[The Penguin]

Do you mean online or in person?

in person

 

[Leej07]

The sad thing is, I can't win, in any way. I'm afraid to try and pursue friendships with NTs, because I'm adraid they'll reject me for being too weird. But on the other hand, I'm afraid to pursue a friendship with an Aspie, because I fear they'd reject me fot being aspie enough, not having an official diagnosis. I feel like I'm danged if I do and danged if I don't... I just fear rejection.

 

[StephF]

Kind of the same really. With NT's, I either click or its "Meh whatever !". Try not to let it worry you.

 

[Progster]

I can totally relate to that. I used to try a lot harder to make friends by inviting people out for coffee or lunch or something (as a student or when I started working) and the pattern was always that they agreed to meet me once, we had a rather awkward conversation because I struggled to find common ground and maintain it, and they didn't know how to relate to me either, then it would never be repeated. I don't know anything about TV and don't watch all these shows that people seem to follow and talk about, rarely find people who have the same taste in music or literature as me, and don't keep up with movies, I don't have kids or the same sort of life as others my age have, so what would we talk about?

I've since learned that it's much better to plan meetups with others round activities rather than cafes or restaurants, where the principal activity is talking. For example, if you go to see a movie, you watch the movie and don't need to talk, then when it finishes you have something to talk about, the movie. It takes the pressure off talking. Or you could go bowling or play games of some sort, then the focus of the meeting is on the game, not socialising, and you automatically have something to talk about - it really breaks the ice. Or a walk in the forest or in the countryside if you prefer a calmer environment, a trip to a museum.

 

[SonicStar917]

Many times I can find someone interesting to talk to and I feel like having them as my friend. However, most of the time the person is not interested. As this pattern keeps happening again and again, I can see I'm not an interesting person for most people. I did write many posts me saying I don't follow the norm. Part of this could relate to why people don't consider me interesting. I learned to accept this but I always wonder when would I meet someone that is interested in me?

I feel your pain. People like us have very specific interests, and usually want to relay all that information about said topic to a person, but some people just don't share those interests. On that note, what interests you?

 

[The Penguin]

I feel your pain. People like us have very specific interests, and usually want to relay all that information about said topic to a person, but some people just don't share those interests. On that note, what interests you?

Lego, modal trains, hiking, camping, photography....

 

[Licorice]

The sad thing is, I can't win, in any way. I'm afraid to try and pursue friendships with NTs, because I'm adraid they'll reject me for being too weird. But on the other hand, I'm afraid to pursue a friendship with an Aspie, because I fear they'd reject me fot being aspie enough, not having an official diagnosis. I feel like I'm danged if I do and danged if I don't... I just fear rejection.

I haven't noticed a difference in rejection rates between the two, for what it's worth. All the Aspies I've approached for local friendships have rejected me, but I've managed to form a few with NTs online. There must be a better way to narrow down potential friend pools out there.

 

[epath13]

For me, the closer I become to a person as a friend the thicker the wall gets between us. The more I know them, the less I understand them, their motives and feelings. Somehow I feel it's almoust impossible to have the same level of friendship as some people have with their friends or best friends, simply because I don't seem to be capable getting there.

 

[MicroWeiss]

For me, the closer I become to a person as a friend the thicker the wall gets between us. The more I know them, the less I understand them, their motives and feelings. Somehow I feel it's almoust impossible to have the same level of friendship as some people have with their friends or best friends, simply because I don't seem to be capable getting there.

It's more like the opposite for me, though studying psychology extensively had something to do with it. Now I see through motives, and I'm not sure anyone likes it. Also I had someone explain human body language to me in great detail. Plus I naturally find patterns on my own, such as speech patterns, and really complex behavior patterns. Does a person say the word "so" a lot, what insecurity or subject causes them to use the word more often, etc. When does a person use the word "alright" as opposed to "ok" or "sure". What expression and tone of voice is the word said in. I wouldn't say anyone isn't capable, because I believe all psychological concepts can be explained clearly, and you would have the realization at least for a moment. Whether the concept remains in your working memory is another thing.