Want someone to be a friend, but they are not interested

[paloftoon]

I myself feel that a lot of people are not interested in me, whether on the spectrum or not.

I feel that my differences, interests, capabilities socially and in a working environment, and me not living with my parents become barriers for working with most people. There are a few people who try to latch on to me, a few for selfish reasons, all of whom I don't feel comfortable hanging out with because they would either monopolize the conversation or I would be a babysitter for them. If I was paid and people felt I was doing a good job with those people, I'd be okay with that. Since it's socializing though, I try to "run away" because I don't enjoy that kind of company.

For what it's worth Penguin and e79243, I would personally be interested in getting to know you two more as I think you are interesting people and I could relate to you enough if we were in the same general area.https://www.aspiescentral.com/members/e79243.14777/

 

[peoplesrjames]

I guess I'm weird. I don't want any friends and always have people that want to be my friend...but I struggle raising the energy to maintain them.

 

[CDOCONNOR]

Many times I can find someone interesting to talk to and I feel like having them as my friend. However, most of the time the person is not interested. As this pattern keeps happening again and again, I can see I'm not an interesting person for most people. I did write many posts me saying I don't follow the norm. Part of this could relate to why people don't consider me interesting. I learned to accept this but I always wonder when would I meet someone that is interested in me?

I have the same problem. It can be hurtful and hard to except. All my life I've tried finding a group of friends I can call my own-we all need companionship. Sadly, only the cold, bare, and open road stretches before me. I've had many girlfriends although they've turned out to be mean and controlling. At times I get angry but now I'm really looking into myself and trying to discover 'what is it about me that I can change?'. I'm a really kind, interesting person once everyone gets to know me. Personally, I'd love to call you a friend!!

 

[CDOCONNOR]

For me, the closer I become to a person as a friend the thicker the wall gets between us. The more I know them, the less I understand them, their motives and feelings. Somehow I feel it's almoust impossible to have the same level of friendship as some people have with their friends or best friends, simply because I don't seem to be capable getting there.

I feel you there. Maybe you can try understanding yourself more and learning how to express those wonderful traits that make you you? I have the same problem but I also run the risk of coming across as 'the nice guy' and that makes me into a target-like everyone will only come to me when they want something. Hope that makes sense.

 

[The Penguin]

I have the same problem. It can be hurtful and hard to except. All my life I've tried finding a group of friends I can call my own-we all need companionship. Sadly, only the cold, bare, and open road stretches before me. I've had many girlfriends although they've turned out to be mean and controlling. At times I get angry but now I'm really looking into myself and trying to discover 'what is it about me that I can change?'. I'm a really kind, interesting person once everyone gets to know me. Personally, I'd love to call you a friend!!

I had a girl friend was controlling. Since she did get her way, the relationship ended.

Sure you can call me friend. Also wish you luck making local friend one day.

 

[CDOCONNOR]

I had a girl friend was controlling. Since she did get her way, the relationship ended.

Sure you can call me friend. Also wish you luck making local friend one day.

Thanks man

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

The Penguin Kari Suttle Suzanne DogwoodTree Kaylee Licorice kestrel Leej07

I introduce you to 'the aura', a weird unexplainable invisible force which somehow puts people off you at any given time for no fault of your own. If you're a girl, chances are there are plenty of guys that will still like you, but ultimately finding, making or keeping friends will be rare (though not quite all the time).

 

[paloftoon]

I came back from a video game meetup and found a good topic to write about it in! It was somewhat distressing me at first, but I realize how good of a learning experience it was, and how sick our world is. I think I used to fear rejection too, but now I go in expecting it, but trying in all kinds of different ways. What I fear is 100% rejection, but ironically, I should know that I'm finally bonding with some people, albeit outside of that group. I've had thoughts to leave the group, but I enjoy the activities of the group and there's nowhere else I could go where it's basically "free" to attend, gather, and learn about other games and how people have their games' setups. Most of these people either just don't communicate with me now, or make up excuses that they don't have time to do anything. Over time, I discover that they have time for other people and/or will give others certain contact information that I'm not privy to. When I finally realize what is going on, with certain people know to "run for the hills."

The hardest for me to know what to do is all the gray in-between- the ones where it's worth keeping contact if they are nice to you but won't do anything with you outside of a group and can't be honest about that. That's the hardest for me to "bare" at first because I feel so stupid not realizing what's going on. There's this one person, he is popular in the group (already a potential red flag, but I don't judge based on that), I just found out he had a past of being a "dick" due purely to immaturity about 10 years ago (I was never purposely like that without a good reason and respected others' schedules and viability, another red flag), and then hearing about so and so trying to contact and hang out with others. This person also tells me that I need to look at communicating with other people and join other organizations. I already do all of that, and he keeps finding infinite angles to "suggest" more ideas. Any idea that is not him and me hanging out basically. I have to figure out to let go, and I finally "get it" even though it took me so long. (another more malicious scenario described in the next post).

 

[paloftoon]

In another scenario, there was a time when I accidentally said something very off and a bit inappropriate to a person 1-1, then apologized 1-1 to that person later on. He explained that he used to be like this and he did not make a big deal about it. We "bonded" from that experience and started trying to hang out. His flakiness was coming out right away though, and I just told him 1-1 about my concerns about that attitude, and how it can affects other people's schedules and personal dignity when one carries themselves that way. It was also odd that his girlfriend wanted to "hangout" with me as well as we had very similar music experience, but she wouldn't trade contact information with me even though I explicitly stated that we'd include her b/f in all communication. The g/f told me that she did this with everyone and that I should contact her b/f about stuff that would be good to do, and the b/f was perfectly fine with that. The couple never feared I'd tried to start an affair- they knew they could trust me. I was uncomfortable with the entire "arrangement" and I let them know that, but at that point it wasn't worth it for me to just cut all ties off either, or at least not in-their-face. I decided despite that, I'd let it drag on since I didn't have other people I could be around with basically. Later on, the guy told me about this convention, and I didn't sign up the first year [thankfully], but ended up signing up the 2nd year. I was promoted one month after I started, and I'd say most to all people knew and sensed they could trust me with personal information. The dynamic of the communication and respect was lacking enough that I almost left in the middle of the convention, but then after some complications, stayed and left after the post-meeting for the convention. During this time of the convention and after, the guy stopped communicating with me and some others. It also made me realize how manipulative he has been in a way, in a lackadaisical way, like I'll do what I want when I can and how I feel and I don't care about others' feelings kind of manner sort of way. I cut off my "ties" to him more directly with LinkedIn and Social Media. In-person, I will say "hi", but won't really garner much of a conversation otherwise if I were to see those people again.

From my being nosy yesterday, I also asked another person I was having a conversation with about if the couple moved to CA as they were looking for jobs elsewhere. Turns out the g/f traded contact info. with him and bugs him about hanging out, but does not actually try to schedule anything. Go figure.

What I learned from these two scenarios: Try not to fear rejection because it happens to everyone even if it doesn't look like it does. Those people who might reject you might actually be better off not knowing if you didn't really do anything so bad. Maybe they didn't do anything bad either. Maybe their interests are different. It would be nice to hear a more honest answer 1-1 sometimes though right? Ironically, with human nature, some people cannot handle the straight forward honest answer either. Hence, our "proper" sociable answers to avoid the real truths and paint surfaces to coat positive suggestions.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I introduce you to 'the aura', a weird unexplainable invisible force which somehow puts people off you at any given time for no fault of your own.

Yeah, I've heard of that concept. Over the past year, I watched a bunch of YouTube videos to try to figure it out from different perspectives, and if there's a way to manipulate/change it. Seems like you can adjust your "frequency", and that's supposed to help. I do find that if I visualize "holding my energy inside myself" when I'm around people instead of reaching out to others, people tend to be more open and drawn towards me, but I don't feel any closer to them as a result.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Most of these people either just don't communicate with me now, or make up excuses that they don't have time to do anything. Over time, I discover that they have time for other people and/or will give others certain contact information that I'm not privy to. When I finally realize what is going on, with certain people know to "run for the hills."

This sometimes happens to me or I just assume it will in other instances. This is where I just prefer a soft but direct let down rather than mind games or excuses (something I find many women are all to comfortable to do, not necessarily ones on here thouigh of course).

I decided despite that, I'd let it drag on since I didn't have other people I could be around with basically.

Yes I've hung around with people who's motives for liking me were perhaps questionable for the very same reason. I didn't try hard with them fortunately.

Yeah, I've heard of that concept. Over the past year, I watched a bunch of YouTube videos to try to figure it out from different perspectives, and if there's a way to manipulate/change it. Seems like you can adjust your "frequency", and that's supposed to help. I do find that if I visualize "holding my energy inside myself" when I'm around people instead of reaching out to others,

I personally don't think I can change it, it prevents girls (at least ones I deem attractive or beautiful) from showing any interest in me and guys (as friends too, mostly). I have an occassional bit of luck, but the aura is why I gave up on certain things.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Do many or any of you ladies get any male attention, surely just being a women gets you that much (to one level or another)????