Was I out of line?

[Slim Jim]

If I had a nickel for every time I was awkward....

...You'd be Bill Gates?

Have you noticed him... he's quite awkward... and very rich.

 

[LadyS]

...You'd be Bill Gates?

Have you noticed him... he's quite awkward... and very rich.

Maybe fellow aspie Elon Musk would be more fitting

 

[Mary Terry]

Nothing out of line whatsoever, Gerald. I'm one of those people who never meets a stranger and very much enjoy talking to anyone. I don't care how they are dressed, their social standing, their net worth. I just like people and find them interesting. I think decades of practicing law and representing thousands of people from all walks of life is why I'm like this. I'm also kind of lonely due to covid isolation for two years.

A couple of days ago, a close friend and I went to the little town where the land records for our part of the county are recorded in the courthouse. We found the land deed her grandfather granted to my grandfather in 1957 which is pretty cool. We walked around the little town, visited a neat little gift shop on the square, bought some groceries at the little grocery store, and ate lunch at the little farmer's market. During our visit, I spoke with at least 4 different strangers, learned some interesting things about them, while my friend thought I was nuts. She asked me each time if I knew the person I was talking to. Nope, total strangers.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I said something like this to another woman before,...she just smiled and thanked me,...and we both moved on. She was with her husband/boyfriend at the time and he smiled at her, too. She came into a local garden plant nursery that had fresh vegetables and fruit for sale,...local farmers,...organic. At any rate, she was wearing this bright magenta summer dress,...looked good on her. She looked to be in her 40's and I noticed an implanted medication port on her upper chest, just under her clavicle,...the type many cancer patients have. I was with my wife, saw this woman in her dress, and without thinking, just blurted it out, "That dress looks really nice on you."...don't know what came over me. I don't know who might have been more embarrassed by what I said, her or me,...I just ducked my head and out to the car before anything more might have been said. Luckily, all partners involved were mature enough to just take it all in stride and take things as nothing more than a friendly compliment.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Overall, I felt your compliment was very fine, based on the information known and given. I mean, you used a polite word, "Miss", said nice and briefer words about her clothing style in a sincere and tactful way, were not asking her to converse with you as she had a mask on and could have thought your hand "up" was just a polite way for you so to say she did not have to take her mask off, risking her to any sickness, and as she may then have felt no pressure to reply, to some stranger.

Also, she would likely have judged your tone of voice, looks, age, and expressions, to see if you were being honest, friendly,offensive, to be feared or flirty. And so I would assume the first two mentioned, if I were like her, if your voice, expressions, posture, age, manner of dress yourself seemed to fit the message given by you to her. For instance, if you were some young guy, with unbuttoned shirt to your navel, and some chain hanging around your neck, used inappropriate language and tone, and had eyes sizing her up, yeah, that could be a problem.

But, yeah, I thought what you did showed more kindness, sincerity and politeness than not, knowing many women can prefer others at least think of their attire sometimes in a fashionable way, and as she may have dressed for a more formal occasion. Some women, however, depending on their personality and mindset at the time could have preferred more space, or have been at least a little surprised by what you said or did, but sometimes it's OK to risk such comment to show how we really feel, if some feeling like that was genuine, coming from your heart, with no ill will intended or anything expected in return.

Personally, I could never though make a habit of doing something nice like that on my end, but just if a rarer such occurrence was present that I felt more justified that, or if I felt the other would definitely be receptive to that. It would be hard for me anyway to initiate appropriate such comments anyway, and as I am not the type to initiate such nice comments about others' physical appearance--men or female- being more introverted and fearful of rejection there. I admit my focus often has been more on others' personalities or actions, and I would take more risks there in stating my nicer feelings there, for those rarer times.

In this age where harassment claims can be given in the wink of an eye, and many can still seem more hesitant to talk to strangers, I find the safer approach for me is to just focus on being polite and somewhat formal, factual, brief, and less loose with my words, but showing compliments too, if a very nice deed or actions was given. Like, my wife thought that mug given to her by your wife in person at our place a couple of days ago was an awesome expression of friendliness showing her kindness! She loved that message on it too, and it gave her a smile and calmness and the needed energy to proceed with the meeting.

How rare is it that "by chance" two on the forum who post somewhat regularly or are known would have some family members meet for an hour, not knowing in advance of that and not expecting such. This is a small world after all. Props to your wife for the important work she does helping others!

Wow! It is a small world. I guess what broke down my reticence were two things. I have had a history of being ignored though I enjoy dressing well, but not formally, in public, and there was that person who evidently gave thought to dress nicely. Life is hard enough at times not to be kind when we can and I saw no downside, but was concerned about giving attention if it was unwanted, but decided to take the chance to be kind.

 

[1ForAll]

Wow! It is a small world. I guess what broke down my reticence were two things. I have had a history of being ignored though I enjoy dressing well, but not formally, in public, and there was that person who evidently gave thought to dress nicely. Life is hard enough at times not to be kind when we can and I saw no downside, but was concerned about giving attention if it was unwanted, but decided to take the chance to be kind.

No worries! You handled it very well.

 

[Aspychata]

Giving compliments is actually a good exercise to help anybody with social interaction. It's probably a sales technique. So that you have the ability to walk up to anybody and start a conversation.

 

[Sherlock77]

I took about five different stranger portraits today during my photo walk... I had some interesting conversations along the way... I'm still not even sure how I pull this off, except that I think I'm curious, and do love hearing people's stories...

 

[Kalinychta]

That's like a Hit and run complement.

Haha!!! Or a drive-by complimenting.

 

[Fino]

A compliment can be so much. A compliment can transform a person's day. It can be a sparkle in their mind that they return to again and again for years, the same way we return to bad memories far too frequently.

It's too difficult for me to force a compliment on a stranger, but when there's something about a person that I truly like very much, I spontaneously compliment them, hardly of my own free will. I compliment my students profusely though.

 

[Kalinychta]

I do want to reiterate to Gerald that there’s nothing wrong with what he did. It’s just that the woman may have been confused or uncomfortable. I would have been. A bit. But also maybe not, who knows. I actually think it’s really cool how quirky autistic people are. The other day in public I did three weird things in the space of an hour, and as I was driving home I was laughing so hard I almost had to pull over. I think our faux pas are glorious and often funny as hell. No need to stress, Gerald.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Gerald Wilgus

I agree no harm was done, but IMO there was a significant "protocol error" - you needed to add a fast unambiguous "conditional close".

In general, compliments aren't neutral to the receiving party. You force them into a "what did they mean by that / what do they want from me?" analysis. For example she didn't know you, and couldn't be sure you weren't planning on hanging around being annoying for the rest of the flight.

Things like the age difference helped, but it's balanced by the fact that there's nowhere to run in an airplane.

A conditional close would move the initiative from you to her - she can invite you to chat, or just say thanks and let you go.
One approach for the words for this is implied in the second part of your first paragraph - something like "I had to say something because we're both on cowboy gear". The basic body language is the usual "move a half step away / lean out" while waiting for a response.

 

[Shaddock]

in my opinion the compliment was totally okay (as always as long compliments are polite and not something like "your ass is so crisp, I wanna clap it" : P), but your action with your hand in the end could be misunderstood as being unpolite. you better would have let her spoken out and not interrupt or prevent her from speaking (even this was not your intention).

 

[Slim Jim]

I am always out of line. I know this. Even in my thoughts. Even if I appear 'normal.' I'm just keeping my alien self in check. Or just don't know me, well enough.

Today I was Stir Crazy. Wired on caffeine. One of those times I welcome social contact. Human interaction. Sometimes I dont' realize How alien I am, until I have to vibe with others. But I find It can be enjoyable. I get into it. But feelings of paranoia always set in. Or boredom. Restlessness. I just don't connect with peoples values, emotionally. Not everybody atleast. Their are rare cases. Where I am "in line." And thats good feeling. But those people are rare. That's fun. I feel more relaxed now. Positive vibration, yeah, positive.

 

[Slim Jim]

"your ass is so crisp, I wanna clap it" : P),

I Notice shapely contours, sure, but I'm not stupid enough to comment on it, say anything like that. Atleast not to her face. It's funny cause today, I actually commented on another woman in front a woman though. (only cause she keeps bringing up, I seen this man here, I seen this man there...) I was not graphic or crude. But ya know, I'm playing with it. A tit for tat thing. But I'm telling this one woman, matter of fact, Men's brains are visual.....it's science. She's like "woman are visual too." *raise eyebrows.* ..and more me rambling about "the science." I actually read that stuff. Some studies are quite entertaining... I mean informative.

I think deep down. Women are just as into that as men*. They just won't acknowledge , normally. If a Woman say some stuff to me, that could be innuendo , entendre, and I bring it to light, they just giggle about it. For e.g today, this woman is like commenting on curtain, window, boring stuff, ya know, "oh I think I need a longer pole..." *raises eyebrow* I'm like: "Oh you gonna go into the store now, ask a guy if he has a long pole, you want him to show you a long pole.. ." Blah bah, I make a big joke of it. Then she even started drifting into Freudian slips. "Oh I forget to set my alarm co--."oooops, *red face woman.* I wonder what that means. I think it was just a misfire. Cause I had kinda steered the convo in this direction.

So in that sense I can be way out of line, I guess. Waaaay out of line. I like to push boundaries of good taste, sometimes.

* Not all, but when they are, damn. Those are the real fun types. Those who are just as 'out of line' as me, and unapologetic about it.

 

[Luca]

(as always as long compliments are polite and not something like "your ass is so crisp, I wanna clap it" : P)

This might be the funniest compliment I've ever heard. LOL. I think if a guy said that to me I would just burst out laughing. I don't think I'd even be upset about it... Mildly offended, maybe.
A week or two ago I was walking my dogs in the park and there were two guys standing nearby, and one of them said "Look at the size of her ass, she's got a whole dump truck."
It was disgusting but it also made me laugh. The ways in which men describe our... assets... can be hilariously gross.

 

[Slim Jim]

What's wrong with just saying, "nice curves..." Why people gotta be so vulgar..

I don't talk like that about women bodies..atleast not to their face...I'm not one of THOSE GUYS,,, I'm not THAT GUY...It's Not ALL GUYS.
Those creeps in the Park... I'm the type who would like to beat up THOSE GUYS, actually. Cause one time one of THOSE GUYS said something, to somebody I know, and I was ready to do it...I mean find them..and confront them,,,I'm very impulsive sometimes,, even immature.. but nothing came of it..and it was just forgotten. Cause that would of been really stupid. Cooler heads prevailed.