Weird insults that made you smile/laugh

[GrownupGirl]

I once saw a cop in a video who had pulled over a woman for speeding. As he wrote her a ticket she claimed, "I thought you police officers didn't give tickets to *pretty* girls." he tells her, "You're right, we don't. Here." and gives her the ticket.

 

[sidd851]

This is one of my favorites for those tilt points, where it could get rough, or it could settle:
(Yelling loudly and angrily)
"I HOPE ALL YOUR KIDS ARE(WERE)
BORN NAKED!"
(Brace for impact)

 

[Gracey]

“Are you deaf or stupid?”

I think this one was intended to humiliate,
I heard it a lot when growing up.

I was disappointed there weren’t more options because I was neither of those.

 

[Nervous Rex]

It seems I can never get the friends-insulting-each-other-for-fun thing right. I either end up taking it too far and actually offending the other person or getting offended myself. So I usually try to avoid all humor at someone else's expense.

However...here's one time it actually didn't backfire. To pass the time during a very boring task, a coworker and I somehow fell into the game of trading insults. This is my favorite one that he used:

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to drive a moped around the inside of a Cheerio.

 

[Fino]

Someone online called me a baby goose once! Me and my brother were laughing for a long time. Part of what made it hilarious was that he was really mad, video-game rage, and the baby goose one came after a lot of other normal ones LOL

 

[Mr Allen]

A long long time ago (in a galaxy far far away) I once told my drama teacher to sod off, he wasn't very happy about that.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I remember April O'Neil's boss in the original Ninja Turtles cartoons once saying this about her obnoxious co-reporter Vernon:
"I've seen things with more backbone paddling around a tide pool".

Wow that's savage, especially for a cartoon where most of the violence and grittiness of the original comic book was toned down so that the moral guardians wouldn't think their kids would become serial killers.

 

[Aeolienne]

"I've seen things with more backbone paddling around a tide pool".

Speaking of pools, that reminds me of the line "Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching" which came from a selection of US military performance appraisals, one of the email jokes that did the rounds in the late 90s. Here's the list in full.