We're good for your self-esteem!

[Sherlock77]

This is an excellent well run forum, with very little flaming, and you all put up with me...

 

[Qoyote]

All I know is I've said some really awful things on here when I was depressed and you all still seem to like me. That's a big boost, I feel like I can be honest here.

@Darkkin your dog is just the sweetest thing. And I don't just say that to every dog I see.

(I say that to every dog I see.)

 

[VictorR]

In a world where we are often misunderstood, and where there is lots of conflict, sometimes even amongst those who should be allies, this is a welcome refuge, and I'd like to echo the sentiment of many here of the efforts we all try to keep things relatively civil, cordial, and mutually supportive.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I dunno, but plain suckers could be fun - could be put to all sorts of uses.

Off topic. This is the last. When diving, I like to see cephalopods. The best was encountering a Flamboyant Cuttlefish that had bands of color moving along its body. My spouse took an amazing pic of an octopus glaring at the camera from under a rock as it was holding tight to a lobster it was eating as if to indicate, IT'S MINE!

 

[WildCat]

I'll say this forum is good for my sanity, which I guess by extension helps with the self-esteem bit.

Overall I find people here to be thoughtful and considerate in going about discussions, even with the occasional troublemaker popping up from time to time. That is the example that I see being set here, so personally that is what I'm shooting for as well.

 

[Binary_Bark]

Feeling great. Gone to one of those previously mentioned forums. Read some posts and topics. Just reminded me again how lucky I was to find this place.
The amount of bad on there is so much.

 

[Darkkin]

I was annoyed so I did variations on a theme, what annoyed me was here, but if I had not been annoyed, I would not have been thinking in just that way, I would not have found my Glass Rabbit and followed its run. It is a good piece, a very good piece of work.

 

[StrayCat]

I'm just wondering if others agree that this forum is good for your self-esteem because all of the ratings are positive, so we are constantly receiving positive feedback. What do you think?

I thought this is bad, because it just attracts narcs to this forum? It makes it hard to find useful information in the sea of validation seeking posts...

 

[Darkkin]

I thought this is bad, because it just attracts narcs to this forum? It makes it hard to find useful information in the sea of validation seeking posts...

Forums are for more than just convenient sources of information. They are communities and centers for discussion.

That said, there is certainly plenty of information to be found without much work. Knowing that one is seen as a decent human being instead of an alien on the wrong planet can and does help anchor a lot of people who are otherwise struggling in their everyday existence. The behavior of a few does not reflect that of the forum as a whole.

Information is labelled, and often stickied, and the search functions can be adjusted to fit needed criteria. I've only been on here a couple weeks, but it is pretty simple to tell who knows what they're talking about and who are attention seekers.

Being able to take a thought out of one's head and articulate it, only to find out that they are not the only one struggling, that others really do understand. That matters, probably more than we will ever know.

Fact by the age of 10 children with a diagnosed ND will have heard an average of 20,000 negative comments and/or corrections from their parents, family, teachers, and peers. An NT child will hear about 2,000 in the same span of time.

 

[StrayCat]

Knowing that one is seen as a decent human being instead of an alien on the wrong planet can and does help anchor a lot of people who are otherwise struggling in their everyday existence.

This is what I don't understand to be honest, how is narcissistic supply like that helpful in anything? The biggest help in everyday existence is money. Creepy strangers on the internet can provide useful information of course, but nothing else practical?

 

[Gerontius]

In Maslow's hierarchy of needs (not the most current but a handy thing to guess with) there really is a legitimate need for love/belongingness. People need to find a place where they can fit in.
I remember going without that for a long time, and ended up hurting myself--Seriously, my brain quit being capable of feeling happiness. I had to leave & relearn that.

There's useful information here, of course. However, there is a BIG difference between narcissistic supply (intrinsically abusive) and being part of a mostly healthy community (good for people.)

If anyone wants to figure out more about fighting narcissism's effects, whether you live with narcissism or have to live with narcissistic people, check out "Out of the Fog" at Out of the FOG. It's actually a very good website. From the "Toolbox" page here is their definition of Narcissistic Supply:

"Narcissistic Supply - It can feel like you have to perform "mental gymnastics" from dealing with the lying (even when confronted with undeniable proof ), the gaslighting, the triangulation, the projection, the constant contradictions, the manipulation, blame-shifting, the charm they lay on, the inflated sense of self - even subtle forms of torture, such as sleep deprivation, these people inflict on their victims - appears to be conscious and calculated to push the target of their "affections" past their limits, into surrender - and ultimately into total compliance - as a source of Narcissistic Supply."

There's a big difference between a community where people mutually benefit from advice & good company, and a community where a dominant individual or individuals end up dehumanizing and then victimizing others for the sake of self-gratification.

(And since belonging & community are important in fighting back against narcissists seeking their supply, outofthefog.website also has a forum.)

Disclaimer: I don't know much about psychology & most of my training in anything like this, is in medieval philosophy: Aristotelians, Neo-platonists, Stoics, a dash of Augustinian and Islamic, and mostly Thomistic Revival. However, with the old-time focus on the human person that was at the heart of a lot of these systems, all I can say is that it leads one to pick up a lot of this stuff. I'm probably a pretty lousy counselor but I do like to trawl the Web for weird psychological stuff so y'all have fun now with this.

 

[Darkkin]

This is what I don't understand to be honest, how is narcissistic supply like that helpful in anything? The biggest help in everyday existence is money. Creepy strangers on the internet can provide useful information of course, but nothing else practical?

It sounds like you're borrowing blocks to build a mountain where none exists. This site has
tools and moderation.

Sorry, if I think making a mountain out of a hypothetical situation is an exercise in fultility. Don't like it, don't read it. People need a space to vent. These forums offer that space to those who need it without slapping a label on them. Forum means place of assembly or discussion.

Tree is also pretty diligent about providing links with relivant information in a lot of discussions.

I'm able to get out of my head, and actually engage in conversation. Something I don't usually do. And for me that is a very good thing.

 

[StrayCat]

In Maslow's hierarchy of needs (not the most current but a handy thing to guess with) there really is a legitimate need for love/belongingness. People need to find a place where they can fit in.

Hmm, maybe I just don't have it then, since it all seems completely abstract. I have to do a lot of "mental gymnastics" to communicate with people in general, even here, since they make little sense.

So, hmm, what is that "healthy community" and how is it beneficial to collect "likes" from randoms on the internet forum?

 

[Gerontius]

So, hmm, what is that "healthy community" and how is it beneficial to collect "likes" from randoms on the internet forum?

Having actual friends is that community aspect. Sometimes this forum has been the only place that some of us have been able to socialize with other people. No, socializing isn't about being a leech. It's about being human.

If you don't like "likes," don't "like" posts.

 

[Fino]

Hmm, maybe I just don't have it then, since it all seems completely abstract. I have to do a lot of "mental gymnastics" to communicate with people in general, even here, since they make little sense.

So, hmm, what is that "healthy community" and how is it beneficial to collect "likes" from randoms on the internet forum?

You don't see how positive reinforcement is beneficial? It's inherently beneficial. Your confusion might be caused by a lack of knowledge in rudimentary psychology.

 

[Darkkin]

Cats are scientifically proven to reduce stress and elevate mood. So here is Potato Cat to help.

 

[Fino]

I bet just saying or hearing the name "Potato Cat" is also proven to reduce stress and elevate mood.

 

[StrayCat]

You don't see how positive reinforcement is beneficial? It's inherently beneficial. Your confusion might be caused by a lack of knowledge in rudimentary psychology.

People often reinforce terrible or stupid things, so I don't see it as inherently beneficial.

Whenever I get "likes", it's completely pointless, because all it tells me is that I wrote something popular, while I don't care about if at all

 

[Callistemon]

This is what I don't understand to be honest, how is narcissistic supply like that helpful in anything? The biggest help in everyday existence is money. Creepy strangers on the internet can provide useful information of course, but nothing else practical?

I think you misunderstand what narcissistic supply is, and sadly that you don't see a lot of the good of both the people in this forum, and the forum community as a whole. It makes you come across snarky and mean-spirited. I'm not sure if that's what your intention is, but you sure have a way of trying to take anything good, and throwing mud all over it - which is why I often ignore your posts. @Darkkin went out of her way to give you a thoughtful answer, but it's like you're impermeable.

 

[Darkkin]

You folks got me talking. And now no one can find my mute button.