I consider myself a feminist, in that I think men and women should be treated equal and have equal opportunities. To me that means that victims of sexual abuse, regardless of gender, should be taken seriously and should have access to support workers.
I think we have a long way to go when it comes to taking male victims of sexual and/or domestic abuse seriously. Many victims are afraid to come forward and if they do, cases are immediately dismissed, or the victims are ridiculed.
It’s a sad thing that some people still think this is a joking matter, or that this somehow makes the victim weak. I’m myself a victim of repeated sexual abuse and I am sometimes appalled at the amount of rape jokes people on- and offline seem to think are funny.
I’m a feminist but I am vehemently opposed to victimizing and/or emasculating men. My boyfriend has occasionally infuriated me to a point where I have felt violence creeping up on me, but I give myself a time-our before I verbally or physically assault him because I would never forgive myself if I did that.
I’m sorry for what happened to you, there is no excuse for what your ex did to you. I think you should blame your ex and no one but your ex, but not feminism as a movement. Wish you all the best recovering from your ordeal, insofar as that’s possible.
Edited to add I feel for you re: suicidal tendencies and flashbacks. They’ve become less frequent for me since it’s been ten years since I was last abused, but I still get flashbacks or night terrors occasionally when my current boyfriend (not the abuser) touches me in my sleep (even something as innocuous as a gentle tap on the shoulder). I wake up screaming and crying and have hit him on occasion before I’ve even fully woken up. It puts a strain on my relationship.