What are your feelings about Valentine's Day?

[Tia Maria]

What are your feelings about Valentine's Day?

Are you an Aspie male or female?

Do you want your significant other to recognize the day in some special way, and how?

 

[Tia Maria]

One TIP for any Aspie who is dating or in a relationship with an NT woman:

DO use Valentine's Day to acknowledge & recognize your significant other. How you do that will depend on your relationship and your resources. Flowers, candy, a special card, a piece of jewelry, a special dinner ... anything to show your partner that you care & value them will be appreciated. Even if your female partner is generally low maintenance, most women feel disappointed & 'let down' when their partner forgets or ignores Valentine's Day. It may be inexplicable, but it is more common than not.

Do should not spend more than you can afford. But think of something within your budget. if you have special talents, a poem, painting, or something handmade is equally appreciated & more valuable.

If you do have adequate resources - aka a well paying job & some savings - if your life is financially stable ... do spend some money on something off the "list" otherwise your girlfriend will feel you are cheap or she is not worth enough to you.

Overall it is the thought that counts.

By the way, even if your NT girlfriend tells you in advance that you do not have to acknowledge her on Valentine's or do anything special, this is one of those times when you would be best advised to do the opposite! Many NT females - especially younger ones - may tell you that fully meaning it. They may be completely honest when they tell you they do not want or expect anything from you. It will not be unusual though for the day to arrive & their heart to feel broken when you followed their instructions. Confusing I know!!! But it is not deliberate. Just the way a woman's heart can function (or more accurately, malfunction?).

In any case, if you truly care about your NT female partner, do something to show her on Valentine's Day. It will be a positive thing for your relationship.

I leave it up to others here to give their point of view from the Aspie perspective, & also the MALE perspective. After all, men are human too. (Or so I'm told. Haha, I'm joking! )

PS - the male point of view means how you want to be remembered or not on Valentine's Day. Whether or not it matters to you to ... Not your opinion on how women or anyone else are silly to want flowers on a fabricated fake holiday!

 

[SusAssasins]

Sincerely my feeling about Valentine's Day; its total and pure hate, I don't like it because people like to gives hugs and stuff but I'm not of that type, you may guess why. I don't see it like something important, have a day to express your feeling for the other with more intensity than before, even if fake or not. I think it's just foolish and expensive, for some people that doesn't really appreciate their partners and try to accomplish a good relationship with details and gifts.
I also hate it because when I start to loose all my friends my peers used to act like I was a freak because all my friends left me, and I didn't socialize with others before that, Valentine's Day its for celebrating friendships also but I still have none, so that I why I hate it so much.
Also my mother is divorced and she always says that she needs to find a boyfriend for that day, don't know if joking or seriously.

 

[Tia Maria]

Sincerely my feeling about Valentine's Day; its total and pure hate, I don't like it because people like to gives hugs and stuff but I'm not of that type, you may guess why. I don't see it like something important, have a day to express your feeling for the other with more intensity than before, even if fake or not. I think it's just foolish and expensive, for some people that doesn't really appreciate their partners and try to accomplish a good relationship with details and gifts.
I also hate it because when I start to loose all my friends my peers used to act like I was a freak because all my friends left me, and I didn't socialize with others before that, Valentine's Day its for celebrating friendships also but I still have none, so that I why I hate it so much.
Also my mother is divorced and she always says to that she needs to find a boyfriend for that day, don't know if joking or seriously.

Thanks for your input. I appreciate hearing your opinion on this. Do you mind sharing your age? (I'm >40 by the way.)

 

[Warmheart]

Any day when love is celebrated makes me happy, even if I myself currently have no mate.

 

[SusAssasins]

Thanks for your input. I appreciate hearing your opinion on this. Do you mind sharing your age? (I'm >40 by the way.)

I'm 17. Not from the US by the way.

 

[Tia Maria]

I'm 17. Not from the US by the way.

As a 17 year old I totally get your animosity about Valentine's Day! It can be different for adults. For teens there is a kind of ridiculous pressure & the idea that someone should have a girlfriend or boyfriend to celebrate the day is self-defeating & even missing the point. For teens, they might feel"left out" or put upon, forced to participate in a so-called "holiday" that they'd rather ignore. In that regard, I think it can put teens in an odd position. I recall feeling similarly when I was young. For that exact reason I try to remember to send something very small to my nieces every Valentine's Day, so they don't feel "left out" in case their friends have a bf or whatever. Some years I don't plan something in time so just call them on the phone to say, "Hi, I'm thinking about you & love you."

For adults, If someone has a significant other, it can be important to mark the day in some special, even if small way. If someone is "single" they can ignore the day completely if it's irrelevant to them, or maybe they like to do something special for a family member. No judgement or offense to your Mom, but if I was a divorced Mother, I would not want or worry about finding a boyfriend for Valentine's or any other day! It is likely your Mom is indeed joking! You should ask her sometime when she says that - whether she's joking or serious.

As for me, I personally do not want or need anything for Valentine's Day, & my husband knows that. He also knows I truly mean that! But I am >40, married many years & at a place in life when I no longer need an affirmation of love on Valentine's Day. As you kind of stated, people should show their love every day, not just on one day. I find that when people do exactly that, show their love everyday, the need for them to do so on a day like Valentine's Day diminishes.

 

[Datura]

Personally; I've never cared much about Valentines Day. When it comes to romantic gestures I believe it's better to NOT perform them on an assigned date, but to allow them to arise spontaneously. Then again, when I was in a relationship I would do things like buy chocolates, and once I even went on a really nice double date for dinner. I can't say I mind the ritual, but I don't place much weight on it.

 

[annominous]

I find those 'tips' a bit offensive. Not all NT women want to celebrate Valentine's Day, some find it a deplorable holiday. Many autistics are well aware of what is socially expected for those who are into it, etc. I also disagree with suggesting that any of us ever do the opposite of what our partners have said. Most of us don't get involved in that kind of chicanery. I feel for people who get involved in romantic relationships where each partner can't speak to one another honestly and be received honestly. Game playing doesn't strike me as very healthy, and if my partner said no Valentine's Day, NT or not, male or female, I would prefer to respect them and have enough faith in our communication that they meant what they said to me. A relationship wouldn't work out otherwise. Anyhoo...

I haven't ever gone in for the idea of the money-making venture that is Valentine's Day. I think if you love someone, you care for them everyday, and hopefully you have meaningful experiences and sharing with one another that isn't done simply because it's requisite according to consumer society. I'm weird, though.

 

[Randomperson]

Its the same as every other day, another day painfully reminding me the world does not even know I exist. This day in particular seems to be set up to remind lonely people that they are alone and should feel bad about that.

 

[Suzanne]

Hi Tia Maria

Nothing basically, because I do not celebrate this day! To be honest, I feel that even for an aspie, showing love should be every single day, not just one specific day!

 

[JuniperBug]

I can only speak for my partner and I. We're both female. She's NT and I'm not. We've been together 4 years.

I used to hate Valentine's day...but now I really like it.

Not all gay couples work like this...but I do sort of take the "female" role.

We've gotten into a nice tradition that I love which is preordering sappy love cookies with our names and initials (same initials) on them and I also craft a ridiculously cute pink/red animal card for her (I'm very crafty - haha). This year will be a panda! SHHHH!!

Once she realized that I was being genuine when I told her I didn't want surprise gifts or crowded nights out, the stress was off. Her self awareness might not pick it up, but high-stakes 'date nights' like that cause her horrible pressure anxiety...which I pick up like a magnet.

We just have a nice normal night in, eat our special cookies and maybe watch something together, she gets her cute card, and no one has a melt down.

 

[Greg]

I can say for me holidays are not really that important. However for my wife who is the NT it is important to her. So I try to do the best I can to make it important for her. I have to really work at it though because my brain doesn't seem to think that way. To be honest I have to use calendar events to remind myself because my memory is so bad that I will just forget that it is coming up.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I think some here are taking the day too seriously. This year since I have no Hunny, I'll be working and making some money. But if I did have a Hunny, then I would want to spend the day doing something fun. I see V Day as an "extra" - you still show your love on other days, but then you have an "extra" day of fun. For those who say its too commercial, then don't buy anything and just spend a nice time at home with a special dinner. For those single people, make the day a "you" day and do something special for yourself (for me it would be no homework and watching a couple of BBC movies with some green tea and not feeling guilty about not studying). It doesn't always have to be about couples.

 

[Harrison]

Valentines Day is a day of celebrating the global success of marketting strategies, it has no relevance beyond that. It has the same value as Christmas or Easter or any other corporate 'holy day'. The fact people buy into it brings me to despair for the human race.

 

[Suzanne]

Valentines Day is a day of celebrating the global success of marketting strategies, it has no relevance beyond that. It has the same value as Christmas or Easter or any other corporate 'holy day'. The fact people buy into it brings me to despair for the human race.

Actually all three are pagan and nothing to do with our Creator!

 

[Harrison]

Actually all three are pagan and nothing to do with our Creator!

`
As a pagan I know that, however, the writers of the Books of Abraham chose to 'borrow' them to launch the new faith.

EDIT - I don't believe I mentioned anything about your faith, my point was regarding the marketting boys

 

[Owls12]

I've never been too enthusiastic about it. As other people have mentioned, you can have friendships, and love someone at anytime of the year, and you don't necessarily have to compress and save it for one single day (Valentine's Day). However, I'm obviously respectful to those who enjoy Valentine's Day since its fine and I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

[Flinty]

Well, this year it's Hockey Day in Canada, so for once the date is relevant to me.

 

[Sev]

I don't have enough to do with others for it to really impact me significantly. After all, most people my age are far more socially active.
Personally, I think it shows a lack of character to require a 'special day' in order to show affection. I don't really understand why people can't show affection on any other day.