What are your shutdowns like?

[Judge]

I socially and physically withdraw from human contact altogether. Lose a sense of what I should be hearing and then even lose time on occasion. Sometimes I wonder if it's akin to a blackout or sleep-walking as I've discussed with a few of you in private.

Luckily in my own case it seldom happens. Then it's just a matter of coming out of it...as if I were in a "fog" of sorts. For me it remains a strange and sometimes disturbing experience to recall.

 

[Lady Penelope]

Hmm, interesting thought. But if Penelope's is like mine then there isn't exactly a underling worrying going on. I dunno.

Agreed. It's not anxiety. It's brain overload. Too many thoughts...often conflicting...that essentially jam the system.
I have had a couple of panic attacks and they are completely different. Shutdowns are more like too many tabs open on your browser so it seizes and freezes and you need to reboot or restart.

 

[WereBear]

Shutdowns are more like too many tabs open on your browser so it seizes and freezes and you need to reboot or restart.

That is it exactly! Which is why some form of sensory withdrawal is the quickest way out of it.

In my worst one, I barely made it up the three flights of stairs to my apartment and my husband was freaking out because I was acting so strangely. Yet after a half an hour of "countering" the overload with a heavy quilt and total quiet, I felt so much better.

 

[Lady Penelope]

That is it exactly! Which is why some form of sensory withdrawal is the quickest way out of it.

In my worst one, I barely made it up the three flights of stairs to my apartment and my husband was freaking out because I was acting so strangely. Yet after a half an hour of "countering" the overload with a heavy quilt and total quiet, I felt so much better.

I feel numb and close to tears. I can't form coherent words and pretty much go along with whatever is suggested to me during the shutdown as i am conscious but non responsive. I'm working on that last part...

 

[cory]

These responses have been very informative. I have the feeling that I am going underwater. Physically I slow down, mentally I'm still moving at the same speed but disconnected from reality. When my brother was on life support last year I was overly rational when at the hospital to friends/family b/c I was disconnected. When I took a break from the traumatic situation I did sensory deprivation things. I never really knew or realized what I was experiencing until I looked at ASD.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I've just seen my psychiatrist, my new one, this is number 4 in 2 and a half years. She wants me to have an EEG - electroencephalogram and an MRI to check for epilepsy. I asked about maybe it was some sort of autistic shutdown and she sniggered at that - fair enough.

Umm, yeah, not sure what to think really. I don't like the idea of epilepsy. But if it is then I know how to effects me I think so that's a reassuring thought. But the thought that these are fits is a little unsettling. I did prepare myself for that coming up though. But I do also know that people have died from having seizures.

She was very nice and did not discourage me from looking up things on the internet as she understood that is part of me, that I need to look up stuff.

 

[WereBear]

She wants me to have an EEG - electroencephalogram and an MRI to check for epilepsy. I asked about maybe it was some sort of autistic shutdown and she sniggered at that - fair enough.

That would have made me angry -- though I don't know your relationship with this person. And medically speaking, it is sound advice.

I get "visual auras" when my limit is being reached, just as people with migraines do when a headache is coming on.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

That would have made me angry -- though I don't know your relationship with this person. And medically speaking, it is sound advice.

That did annoy me a little but I let it slide. Yeah, I think everything I wanted to happen from this appointment has happened. It's just a little concerning when the things you think of could actually be the case.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Sometimes I just snap. I don't have a better attention grabber for it.

I get into a lot of arguments with people and on occasion if the argument has gone too far I totally lose my mind, it's as if I'm floating off somewhere and watching some crazy stranger take over. I might insult the other person, then over-apologize, then get mad at them for not forgiving me (as well as initially overreacting), then start voicing how much I actually hate myself. Then I might just be over-the-top random. I might hit something like a wall or couch with my fists. I might run around like a maniac. I might scream out swear words randomly. I might suddenly start acting "phony nice". I've done it quite a few times with my mother and she was just terrified, freaked out. I called her "my queen" in the phony nice phase. Frankly I scare myself too. I feel like I belong in a mental institution when I realize what I have done. This might last half an hour until I suddenly come to my senses. All I can do then is go to my room and wait for my mother to calm down. I really try hard not to go back to the living room for maybe another half hour. I'm just tired of being such a bad son, I never meant to hurt or insult anybody.........especially my mother!

Can anyone here describe what is sometimes happening to me here? Are those panic attacks? Has anyone ever experienced that "stranger" feeling I talked about, and acting like they completely snapped? These episodes usually get triggered by someone overreacting to me cycling over an anxiety, combined with me being in a rather bad mood, and it seems like half the time I'm in a bad mood. Some people tell me that I'm always in a bad mood. It's never their fault, honestly. Only mine. I also feel like I'm capable of controlling the episodes, yet at the same time I just can't stop. I just don't know anymore, I feel like I belong in a mental institution sometimes. If someone could give me some insight on this, please...

 

[Streetwise]

I tthink its a combo of autism and panic attack try to think your mother loves you shes your mother and try to get some anger management as anger is toxic try to forgive people it gets easier also forgive yourself try slowly too stay calm animals naturally keep their distance if you're panicking you are effectively thinking something is trying to kill you try to stand still think about resting sleeping what you are doing when you are calm if you have a faith pray in Christianity there is what as described as a prayer closet its actually just being alone in a place so you can concentrate on praying or worshipping but you have to balance it DONT become dead in religion
try to do things for some being that ISNT you !!!ie an animal ,a friend, your mother - the etymology of autism is self alone -effectively selfish but it is a disorder ,think i will survive what you think can control anger panic attacks

Sometimes I just snap. I don't have a better attention grabber for it.

I get into a lot of arguments with people and on occasion if the argument has gone too far I totally lose my mind, it's as if I'm floating off somewhere and watching some crazy stranger take over. I might insult the other person, then over-apologize, then get mad at them for not forgiving me (as well as initially overreacting), then start voicing how much I actually hate myself. Then I might just be over-the-top random. I might hit something like a wall or couch with my fists. I might run around like a maniac. I might scream out swear words randomly. I might suddenly start acting "phony nice". I've done it quite a few times with my mother and she was just terrified, freaked out. I called her "my queen" in the phony nice phase. Frankly I scare myself too. I feel like I belong in a mental institution when I realize what I have done. This might last half an hour until I suddenly come to my senses. All I can do then is go to my room and wait for my mother to calm down. I really try hard not to go back to the living room for maybe another half hour. I'm just tired of being such a bad son, I never meant to hurt or insult anybody.........especially my mother!

Can anyone here describe what is sometimes happening to me here? Are those panic attacks? Has anyone ever experienced that "stranger" feeling I talked about, and acting like they completely snapped? These episodes usually get triggered by someone overreacting to me cycling over an anxiety, combined with me being in a rather bad mood, and it seems like half the time I'm in a bad mood. Some people tell me that I'm always in a bad mood. It's never their fault, honestly. Only mine. I also feel like I'm capable of controlling the episodes, yet at the same time I just can't stop. I just don't know anymore, I feel like I belong in a mental institution sometimes. If someone could give me some insight on this, please...

 

[WereBear]

Sometimes I just snap.

It is my own theory is that we just run out of neurotransmitters. Our brains are working much harder to fit into NT world than we realize.

(And I think our brains always work harder but I digress! )

Using our brains uses up brain chemicals. If we burn them faster than we can make them, we get really really cranky and want to be left alone. NOW.

It's like anyone else in a stressful situation. Only we can routinely get into this situation because we are pretending to be NTs and so we are more stressed.

Alone time has been an incredible antidote for me.

 

[Thursday]

When I'm in stressful social situations (a.k.a. most of them), I feel like my adrenaline kicks in. I see white spots which may or may not be followed by headaches. Mostly, it feels as though I ran a marathon afterwards.

Also, something weird happens to me when I get terribly frustrated and have a meltdown. It feels as though I lose the ability to speak...sometimes I get stuck on a sentence and repeat it over and over again to express what I feel until I'm able to think again. Most of the time I just repeat sounds. It's horrible. I try to predict when it might happen so I could distract myself, but, they still happen. I've asked my husband and my parents to leave me alone in my corner when it happens as I can't react properly to them if they talked to me. Parents still order me to stop when they catch me doing it. Sometimes hubby just holds my hand until it passes...it takes a while, but it does.

 

[WereBear]

Last night I had gone back to work after a week off that was spent moving, shopping, and other high stress activities. Came home pretty worn out, and this makes me clumsy.

So decided to get to bed early and I squirted myself right in the eye with our new soap dispenser. It really hurt and all I could say, over and over, was "soap." I just broke down and sobbed from the overload.

Fortunately, Mr WereBear mopped up the water I splashed all over and got me calmed down again. I did fine all during the week of activity. I wish I was better at figuring out when I am doing too much, but when life demands it, what's a person to do?

 

[grommet]

... a kind of panic attack where my brain isn't quite attached to my body anymore...

Exactly what it's like for me. Also, I become speechless, even in my head I don't have words. It's like Pause on a machine. I cannot explain it.

 

[Thursday]

Last night I had gone back to work after a week off that was spent moving, shopping, and other high stress activities. Came home pretty worn out, and this makes me clumsy.

So decided to get to bed early and I squirted myself right in the eye with our new soap dispenser. It really hurt and all I could say, over and over, was "soap." I just broke down and sobbed from the overload.

Fortunately, Mr WereBear mopped up the water I splashed all over and got me calmed down again. I did fine all during the week of activity. I wish I was better at figuring out when I am doing too much, but when life demands it, what's a person to do?

All I have for that is...*hug*.

(Or *brings a kitten to pet* if you're not a hugger hehe).

I can relate.

 

[WereBear]

All I have for that is...*hug*.

(Or *brings a kitten to pet* if you're not a hugger hehe).

I can relate.

Thanks, I'll take both!

Managed to wash my face without serious injury tonight.

 

[HelzBelz]

Last night I had gone back to work after a week off that was spent moving, shopping, and other high stress activities. Came home pretty worn out, and this makes me clumsy.

So decided to get to bed early and I squirted myself right in the eye with our new soap dispenser. It really hurt and all I could say, over and over, was "soap." I just broke down and sobbed from the overload.

Fortunately, Mr WereBear mopped up the water I splashed all over and got me calmed down again. I did fine all during the week of activity. I wish I was better at figuring out when I am doing too much, but when life demands it, what's a person to do?

Someone please answer this!! I get so very overloaded but as a solo mum I've got no choice but to hold it together until I can crawl into bed (or the bath) and sob. There are times I have to tell my kids I've 'run out of oomph' and leave them to get themselves some cereal or toast for tea so I can go hide in the bath. But how can these overloads be survived when you can't take a break from Life?

 

[WereBear]

But how can these overloads be survived when you can't take a break from Life?

That is the struggle. Trying to order our lives and obligations.

It does put a new spin on "impossible." I am changing my profession to get away from the demands I didn't know were almost killing me.

 

[HelzBelz]

That is the struggle. Trying to order our lives and obligations.

It does put a new spin on "impossible." I am changing my profession to get away from the demands I didn't know were almost killing me.

Me too. I've found a way to quit my job and go on a 'carers benefit' so I can be available for my severe aspie daughter. Yet this will be a huge help for me too. Looking forward to finishing my job at the end of next week and working out my own weekly routine that meets my needs and makes me available for the kids. And I've already been offered some casual work so I can do a few hours or few days a week if/when I want to.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I've just seen my psychiatrist, my new one, this is number 4 in 2 and a half years. She wants me to have an EEG - electroencephalogram and an MRI to check for epilepsy. I asked about maybe it was some sort of autistic shutdown and she sniggered at that - fair enough.

Umm, yeah, not sure what to think really. I don't like the idea of epilepsy. But if it is then I know how to effects me I think so that's a reassuring thought. But the thought that these are fits is a little unsettling. I did prepare myself for that coming up though. But I do also know that people have died from having seizures.

She was very nice and did not discourage me from looking up things on the internet as she understood that is part of me, that I need to look up stuff.

Psychiatrist the 4th described the way I was explaining these experiences as "interesting". Good to know what even to a professional I'm weird.