What do people on the spectrum feel they have to offer?

[SnailPie]

The upside? As others have said, these may well apply:
Honesty
Loyalty
A different, often times refreshing way of looking at the world
Unencumbered by many of the shallow pursuits others might find important
Individualistic
Driven
A strong sense of justice and fairness
Creativity
Reliability
Smart
Interesting
Not your Run-Of-The-Mill Significant Other

I guess you could either love us or hate us. Or both, probably.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Perhaps the more fundamental question is what are people in a romantic relationship SUPPOSED to offer? The answer then depends on one's worldview.

 

[Tom]

10 goats and 2 Cows.

 

[isthisreallife]

Are you on the spectrum and asking a rhetorical question out of frustration? If so, I can understand the place it's coming from. Always fervently wishing that you can have one moment where you understand people, and how to connect with them. Just remember that that street should always go both ways.

 

[wadorama]

In a romantic relationship, what's GOOD about being on the spectrum?

no sense dancin round it. got a few 5+ year long-terms behind me, and most of what makes me aspie caused most of the stress in each of them. it don't help. why do you ask?

 

[Suiseiseki]

To the people I want to be with, nothing.

I am stable, dependable, kind (when I want to be, usually I don't) however those traits attract people I don't have any interest in.
I don't want to be with some single mother who has no other options.
Why would someone normal and well rounded want to be with someone like me, I have some pro's but I have a whole crap load of cons.
I'd be weary of them.
So far it's been women who either have children and have been burned by dating, or women who want children desperately and have been burned by dating and... I don't want any part in that scenario.
People like that are paranoid and controlling, among other things.
Anything aspergers gives as a positive it takes away with its negatives, and there are far more negatives.

 

[granolaturtle]

That I am me and that someone would be dating me because they liked me. That's it. That's all. I don't need to justify what I am, it is what it is and it can't be changed. If someone wants to be with me and they start quizzing me on what my autism does for them, I won't be with them for long. I'm granolaturtle, there's no one who's exactly like me out there. And thank goodness, because that'd be weird.

 

[SnailPie]

That I am me and that someone would be dating me because they liked me. That's it. That's all. I don't need to justify what I am, it is what it is and it can't be changed. If someone wants to be with me and they start quizzing me on what my autism does for them, I won't be with them for long. I'm granolaturtle, there's no one who's exactly like me out there. And thank goodness, because that'd be weird.

"If they start quizzing me on what" I can do for them" Yeah. Anyone who goes into a relationship with me by thinking "what's in it for me?!?!" as a primary motivator, I'm already out.
I think it's really important for us to think about what WE have to offer the other person, and start from there.

 

[Lucid_Luke]

Everyone is extremely unique, however in my experience with autism for the most part, people are incredibly direct with information and satirical, I myself implement satirical connotations of general chit chat, so if the person is on the same wave length, they have the option to connect, and for humors sake.

Relationship wise, I've had quite the experience, I've dated many different girls and learn alot in relation to how people act, one thing I couldn't stand was people gilt tripping, or using emotion to get what they desire, other than that, I've found reflection and learning how to integrate, while maintaining everything that makes myself unique to be an integral part of connecting to people, give everyone a chance, worst case scenario, you learn.

 

[Evil Genius]

Loyalty is a number one benefit from any autistic person in any kind of relationship.

 

[aspiegirlfriend]

In a romantic relationship, what's GOOD about being on the spectrum?

 

[aspiegirlfriend]

In a romantic relationship, what's GOOD about being on the spectrum?

I am in a relationship with an Aspie man and there are so many beautiful qualities he brings to the relationship. It is a year and a few months old.


WHAT HE BRINGS
1. Sincerity I know when he tells me something he absolutely means it.
2. Humour He is very funny and smiles lots
3. Success He is very successful in his career. He is a Senior VP
4. Innocence His innocence is magnetic to me
5. Gentleness He has a very gentle soul
6. Love He tells me he loves me and I know he means it
7. Respectful He is extremely respectful. He would never want to hurt me
8. Great Lover He is exhuberant and grateful for me loving him
9. Complimentary He is always complimenting me and thanking me
10.intellect He can challenge me intellectually

CHALLENGES
1. Boredom He gets easily bored with most things
2. Attention Span If we are having a boring conversation he loses interest
3. Down Time After we spend a day together he disappears for a couple of days. I guess it overwhelms him. I just know to expect it
4. Time Away He needs time away from me. When together it is very intense and full of conversation

He is Aspie and I find him to be amazing. He is a very special soul. I have learned to respect him for what he needs and not pressure with him or quarrel with him. If I respect him and not upset him, I can talk to him about almost anything. I would never judge him. He is a total sweetheart.

 

[Savvy]

Can I ask how long have any of your aspie boyfriends needed time away from you? My b/f of 2 years has not responded to me for almost 3 weeks. I wonder if it’s a classic shut down or need to regroup & recharge or maybe a depression. He did this once before just over a year ago & eventually came out of it but never really explained it.Any input welcome....

 

[Aeolienne]

I am in a relationship with an Aspie man and there are so many beautiful qualities he brings to the relationship.

3. Success
He is very successful in his career. He is a Senior VP

Where does that leave the 85% of Aspies who aren't in employment? I myself am one of the 15% but I've never risen above an entry-level position.

 

[Lady Lucifer]

Every person on the spectrum is different, so that question doesn't really make sense.

I think the OP meant your personal POV. We know we are all different.

Nothing. We're all useless anti social idiots.



There I said it.

Something I tell myself all the time. XD This makes me laugh.

• Honesty. Especially if we come from a culture where someone is supposed to hint and manipulate to get their needs met. My clear statements of my wishes and boundaries were met with gratitude and joy. "Never have to read your mind again?" Happy First Husband said. "You will tell me if I screwed up rather than give me the silent treatment for weeks? Really?"

• Transparency. To me, it seems that we on the Spectrum have trouble "living a lie." We prefer to be straightforward about everything, instead of all the dancing around meaning NTs sometimes do. Good or bad, we like to know what the truth is, and talk about it. An NT who deals with us the same way will get understanding and compassion. State what you are thinking and feeling! It's an advantage on both sides!

• Interests. We like to talk about ideas so much. If you and I share an interest, it will be explored in all dimensions. That is a great way of getting, and keeping, a connection. With my first husband, it was computers, and with my second, it is art.

• Loyalty. To the absolute end. Treat us right, and we will want to be by your side.

I feel that I have the same qualities. I've been told recently (both on forum and in person) that I have a high EQ because of my emotional perception and insight. I explicitly state in my dating profiles that I am incredibly trusting. I am not that sterotype of a woman, who is constantly jealous and has to sneak into her partner's personal space to find out if he is cheating. That being said, I know when someone is cheating on me. I've been cheated on before, and I did this NOT from snooping.

I'm also the type of person who is constantly communicating my needs to my partner. It may not be at the right moment, but I am still able to tell my partner what I need from him in the future. And because I'm also non monogamous, I have to be my own advocate about this. Or else everyone in the circle gets hurt.

 

[WildCat]

Silly question. Let's turn it around: what do people off the spectrum feel they have to offer?

 

[Amanda241]

because it is easier for me to remove the emotions, to see both sides, and the logical middle ground.

This may just be me, but I think I have more on an intuition about people than NT's do. I can usually spot dead on if someone is good, or has ulterior motives. I can call these motives, and watch them come to light.

Completely agree. One of my major frustrations is being able to identify these behaviours and not having people believe me. Until I'm right

 

[Amanda241]

As a cis-het woman on my second successful marriage (first one I was widowed) I can say I bring:

• Honesty. Especially if we come from a culture where someone is supposed to hint and manipulate to get their needs met. My clear statements of my wishes and boundaries were met with gratitude and joy. "Never have to read your mind again?" Happy First Husband said. "You will tell me if I screwed up rather than give me the silent treatment for weeks? Really?"
• Transparency. To me, it seems that we on the Spectrum have trouble "living a lie." We prefer to be straightforward about everything, instead of all the dancing around meaning NTs sometimes do. Good or bad, we like to know what the truth is, and talk about it. An NT who deals with us the same way will get understanding and compassion. State what you are thinking and feeling! It's an advantage on both sides!
• Loyalty. To the absolute end. Treat us right, and we will want to be by your side.

Awesome post. I've discussed this many times with my son and we both just don't understand any other way!

 

[WereBear]

This may just be me, but I think I have more on an intuition about people than NT's do. I can usually spot dead on if someone is good, or has ulterior motives. I can call these motives, and watch them come to light.

Me as well. I wonder if missing that compulsion to conform lets us view others more clearly sometimes?