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What do you do to help the "Aspie inside"?

My inner aspie needs:

Simple stability not dealing with other peoples generated drama... Thats toxic to me
Some form of routine. I can handle some variables, but not a constant change of plans
Being allowed A CHOICE if I don't want to go into a place without it offending others.
I care nothing when I need to go in somewhere and others don't want to go, so why is it such a problem for others... I see it as a control tactic and secretly - that disgusts me... : )

Time to be alone without being pressured over it
Time to think or write out what's bugging me, or just to be grateful
Time to mess with stuff that I like (Special Interests)
Not having to answer the question "What's wrong?" Nothing is wrong, so don't make it wrong...
Being allowed to eat my way and not having to deal with a full blown dinner conversation over my weird eating habits (one food at a time nothing touching).
Time to process when I am doused with huge amounts of information.
Don't worry about me "hearing you" since I don't want to look at you. I heard every word said, not that it was beneficial to me, or the person saying it.

So looking back at my list I need a padded room and a hardy helmet in the eyes of people who don't know what most any level ASD people truly need...

Most of all my inner Aspie simply needs some people to begin to try and understand me like I try to understand them... : )
 
Tonight I realized that I not only need to love, I need to feel loved.
And I thank an aspie for making me aware of that. through his care and kindness.
 
My mind is too complex and because of that, I need simplicity in my life, specially in my house.

I notice everything that is wrong and can’t overlook it. That’s why I need a small place with very few stuff, since it means less things that can be wrong or disorganized, which means that I don’t have the urge to fix them or organize them in order to be able to live my life.

Example: if something is out of place, most people can ignore it and go on happily with the rest of their life. That’s why it doesn’t matter if they have a huge house filled with things, because they don’t even notice that the rug is stained (for example) or if they notice, they can prioritize things in their life, and not give it importance. They can wait until the time is apropriate and take the rug to be cleaned, for example.

I can’t do that, I might even loose sleep over the stained rug. Solution? No rug if I can help it!

Also, less stuff (less food variety, less quantity of clothes, etc) makes decision making a lot easier, since I can’t help but consider ALL possibilities and overanalize decisions that should be minor (like what to eat or wear).

That’s why I’m a minimalist. It’s the only way I can live in peace.
 
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Sabrina said:
My mind is too complex and because of that, I need simplicity in my life, specially in my house.

I notice everything that is wrong and can’t overlook it. That’s why I need a small place with very few stuff, since it means less things that can be wrong or disorganized, which means that I don’t have the urge to fix them or organize them in order to be able to live my life.

Example: if something is out of place, most people can ignore it and go on happily with the rest of their life. That’s why it doesn’t matter if they have a huge house filled with things, because they don’t even notice that the rug is stained (for example) or if they notice, they can prioritize things in their life, and not give it importance. They can wait until the time is aprioprite and take the rugs to be clean, for example.

I can’t do that, I might even loose sleep over the stained rug. Solution? No rug if I can help it!

Also, less stuff (less food variety, less quantity of clothes, etc) makes decision making a lot easier, since I can’t help but consider ALL possibilities and overanalize decisions that should be minor (like what to eat or wear).

That’s why I’m a minimalist. It’s the only way I can live in peace.
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Interesting.

I'm like that, in fact your mind seems similar to mine.

I don't live minimalist, and if I did my kids would trash it in 2 minutes.

Clutter and mess, grass too long, broken toys, things I need to fix, they all feel like wounds in my consciousness.

Not sure I could live small though as I like space from the kids too.

I live on acreage now, which is great, and no close neighbours but loads more things that are not right and need fixing.

Only solution is to keep going forwards in the hope that I can afford to pay someone to fix it all.

Set my sights on my aspie paradise and keep walking.
 
I need alone time and control over my environment. Work is busy and usually complex, so I need home to be a place that is free from hurry, fuss or complexity. That way I can recharge and prepare for the next day's onslaught.

I rely on routines, which would probably appear to make a boring life to an observer, if there was one, but there isn't. My inner-aspie is seriously relieved there is no longer anyone to confound it and confuse it, and give it pain.

And I find music, usually very loud music, very therapeutic, while long walks help me gain perspective in times of stress or conflict.

It is remarkable how simplifying my life to barely more than basics has made me feel so much more calm and centred.
 
I have come to a sort of carthetic moment ( long moment) that I am cannot tolerate certain places or people and well, in truth, have isolated myself, accept for going to see my psychiatrist and next week, a social worker, in the hope that I can be helped to gain some sort of financial help.

Since finding out about aspergers, I can say now, when people ask me about me, am a bit clearer; whereas before, I seemed to not know how to answer, because I really did not know me.

I find that random people are my worst nightmare. Just today, for example, I am sitting in our verandah doing my cross stitching and saw two people actually standing in our drive way and they were chatting and I felt so vunerable and on alert and had to give up and go back inside and close the door. When I went out again and saw they had gone, I felt such a huge sense of relief.
 
LucyPurrs said:
I recall after living for a year in the Cayman Islands in 1984 I came back to Miami to do some shopping. In those days the Caymans were kind of in outback status and had just opened their first "supermarket" which was always half empty and was small to begin with. When I walked into a supermarket in Miami, I was totally overwhelmed by the lights, all the visual stimuli, people & noise. I guess it was, for me, a few minutes of being autistically oversensitive to sensory stuff.
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Just saying LucyPurrs, but when I first took the aspie quiz, I came out as an aspie still, but actually the more I get to understand what goes on with aspergers, the more I can answer and understand the quiz, so it might be worth you having another go, as you seem to fit in a bit too well for an nt lol
 
Suzanne said:
Just saying LucyPurrs, but when I first took the aspie quiz, I came out as an aspie still, but actually the more I get to understand what goes on with aspergers, the more I can answer and understand the quiz, so it might be worth you having another go, as you seem to fit in a bit too well for an nt lol
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It never fails to amaze those few NTs who come here and eventually leave having discovered that they too are on the spectrum. It happens. ;)
 
I see Aspie traits everywhere now !

Since taking it a bit more seriously and researching more, It would seem I’m purposely looking for it in others.
(Only seeing that which fits to the exclusion of many non-aspie behaviours)

I often listen to people and have to ask myself how many folk are walking around, getting on with stuff and yet are on the spectrum?
 
Aaaww, well Suzanne and others I'd be honored to be an official member of this tribe, but well, I don't think I "get it" quite as well as you may think but I do try. I actually did retake the RAADs-R and again it said I was w/o a doubt NT. But it's a spectrum right- and there are times when I do feel pretty close to being on it. I think mostly it's the IN part of my INFJ personality. :D
 
LucyPurrs said:
Aaaww, well Suzanne and others I'd be honored to be an official member of this tribe, but well, I don't think I "get it" quite as well as you may think but I do try. I actually did retake the RAADs-R and again it said I was w/o a doubt NT. But it's a spectrum right- and there are times when I do feel pretty close to being on it. I think mostly it's the IN part of my INFJ personality. :D
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A good heart is all that matters.
 
I think you can be fringe. As it's a spectrum and so is analogue, how can one say where it stops and starts? Any lines drawn in the sand are inaccurate as soon as they are drawn (line are digital, spectrums are analogue) , and only there to allow categorisation.

My wife is NT, and while she has some minor traits there's no way she would match the criteria.

Interestingly, ALL the friends she has made and kept since moving to Australia are either on the spectrum, have kids on the spectrum or ADHD, or have traits.

I think the tribe is actually huge, and a small percentage of us have traits that cause us issues, so we get a label.
 
LucyPurrs said:
Aaaww, well Suzanne and others I'd be honored to be an official member of this tribe, but well, I don't think I "get it" quite as well as you may think but I do try. I actually did retake the RAADs-R and again it said I was w/o a doubt NT. But it's a spectrum right- and there are times when I do feel pretty close to being on it. I think mostly it's the IN part of my INFJ personality. :D
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I’m an INFJ too (supposedly the rarest of all).
 
I like this topic. :) The first thing I did to acknowledge the "aspie within" was to acknowledge I was aspie.

It's been less than a year since I realized I was on the spectrum.

I knew I wasn't exactly neurotypical. I knew I was.... different. I knew myself as an anxious, introverted, HSP (highly sensitive person) with synesthesia and depressive issues.

But after a lifetime of being told I was too sensitive, too intense, too emotional, too weird, I finally put all the puzzle pieces into a box and shook it.

And it wasn't an "easy" revelation. Not that I had a huge prejudice, I knew, liked, and respected many other autists. But one of my overriding special interests happened to be psychology. And I thought I'd analyzed myself up one side and down the other. I even believed that I was socially aware. (Even though I'd isolated myself, far too often. Since childhood.... ) Lately I seem to trip over blind spots I didn’t know I had, and those moments are more disconcerting than affirming.

But here I am, all the pieces in place, and I can finally be ME.

Except I don't quite yet know who I am.

What should have been so much relief, instead caused many months of anxiety. Anxiety that I had trouble explaining to anyone. During those months I avoided most of the people in my life and did mountains of research into what it means to be "Aspie."

The relief is dawning. Like a vampire who never could see herself in the mirror before, I'm now finding my reflection both captivating and odd. And I'm making allowances for myself that I never would have, in the past.

In the past, in my worst moments, I told myself that I was bad, lazy, morally bankrupt, and whatever else I could hurl at myself for not being NORMAL. After all, I've not had a regular job in decades. And, back when I did, I would become overwhelmed, anxious, and meltdown with regularity.

I've still not figured out how to support myself, and I'm at a point at which I'm going to have to figure it out very, very soon. But I've almost stopped hurling horrible insults at my self.

And I'm starting to find my footing in other ways.

I'm getting better at self-care, in fits and starts, because it makes a bigger difference than I would have admitted in the past. Like others I'm religious about my vitamins. And if I don't think I can handle Costco on a Sunday without overwhelm, (I can't...) then I just won't go that day. No recriminations.

There's a danger that I'll cut myself too much slack, of course. And, in terms of social obligations, I may have been cutting myself far too much slack, for at least the last six or eight months. I'm just now coming out of a period of fairly severe isolation. But, pendulums swing and I'm starting to make reparations as I become more comfortable with the new me.

Happily, I'm allowing myself to stim. Not that I didn't, before. I suspect I always have done so, quite a bit more than most people, anyway. But now, when I'm alone, I'll acknowledge what I'm doing and really go at it, squeezing out the most comfort I can from it. Joyfully, at times.

And, last but not least, I'm starting to talk to other people in the AS community. Slowly. I've done a lot more listening than talking, but that's how I'm learning. :)
 
Echo said:
The relief is dawning. Like a vampire who never could see herself in the mirror before, I'm now finding my reflection both captivating and odd. And I'm making allowances for myself that I never would have, in the past.
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I love that. Great analogy and use of language.
 
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