Father:
*) I witnessed my father mistreating my mother for quite some time, basically until they separated. They are one of the first memories I have, they separated when I was about 5 years old or so.
I even remember that once, to hurt my mother, he came to where I was sitting, I was watching TV or playing something, I don't remember, but I do remember exactly which couch I was sitting on at that moment, and he didn't. He stopped telling me "when you have a woman you have to hit her, no matter how good she is" and I remember that my mother tried to stop him from saying anything to me.
*) He was always overprotective of me, which is really unpleasant, even when he was relatively old.
*) He is a manipulative narcissist, he has always been angry with his entire family (his parents, siblings, etc...) and he has always tried (sometimes he has succeeded) to keep me from relating to absolutely any of them, and I care. It doesn't matter if he did it with "good intentions, to protect me" in general his family are good people.
Not only has he done direct things to prevent me from seeing my grandparents (like telling me not to go, or forbidding them from seeing me), he has also done indirect, very manipulative things, typical of a psychopath, to keep me away from his family, and The worst thing is that sometimes he succeeded.
*) He is a religious fanatic, he has been since he separated, and he has an absurdly twisted vision of ethics/morals, which he tries to impose on everyone around him, including me, and having OCD (diagnosed) I think he affected very negatively, the last thing a child with OCD needs is a long list of things that are sins and a prayer ritual before sleeping.
Mother:
*) He has always invalidated my problems, comparing them to his own, I have been diagnosed with OCD for many years, he has never understood it nor wanted to understand it, once he even made fun of my diagnosis in front of a friend of mine. When I had depression, her only "help" was to tell me that I had no reason to be like this, that when she had depression she had many reasons and that the psychiatrist told her that it was normal for her to have depression with all the things that happened to her, but that I had no reason, and that if I continued with a bad face, she would leave home because she couldn't stand the situation of seeing me like that anymore. Also when I got frustrated because she didn't understand me, she told me "I don't have to understand it" and when I responded "nor do I have to understand you" she told me "but I'm the mother", you don't want to accept/ understand others, but you hope that others do the same with you.
*) She has always cared a lot about money, I remember that she often took me to psychologists with the intention of obtaining a small payment for my disability, she took me to social security and told me what I should say so that the evaluator gave me a sufficient degree of disability to be able to receive money. Instead of all that titanic effort of bureaucracy to receive $70 a month, perhaps it could have been more effective to perceive all those oddities that you have always reminded me to obtain a diagnosis and treatment since I was a child? Instead of always treating me like an idiot because of my limitations, calling me weird, abnormal, etc...
*) Quite manipulative at times too, I remember when I was a teenager that my father and I were angry, we hadn't spoken for months (I honestly don't remember why, but I was a really rebellious teenager at that time) and she wouldn't stop He insisted that I should make peace with him, that I should talk to him, that after all he was my father, etc... I finally agreed and had a relationship with him again, shortly after, when I was talking to him about the things I had done. with my father, then she got angry because "ahh, now suddenly you care a lot about your father" as if reproaching me for having enjoyed being with him.
*) When something happens to others, she downplays it and minimizes it, on the other hand, when it happens to her it is an absolute drama and we must all stop to help her.
I'm so sorry for all this text, but I saw this thread about things your parents would have done differently and I couldn't help but vent.
