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What exactly is "normal?"

W

WaterLily

Active Member
It's My Birthday!
Hi everyone. I am new to this site. I am diagnosed with Asperger's disorder. Along with having Asperger's I am also transgender. I was assigned the gender male at birth but I live as a woman. In no way do I identify with being male. I have felt that way my whole life.

I mainly made this thread because I really do question what "normal" is or what a neurotypical person is. I am high functioning. My biggest problem is probably sensory issues. There are certain fabrics of clothing I can tolerate but others will make me very uncomfortable. If I am dressed in fabric that makes me very uncomfortable it has a very negative effect on my mood.

Being both transgender and having Asperger's is extremely difficult to overcome. With that being said. What exactly makes a person neurotypical as opposed to autistic anyway?
 
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welcome to af.png
 
Hi and welcome, @WaterLily! :)

I'm new here too. I don't fit comfortably either into NT or into Aspie but can relate to both and have traits in common with both. It's interesting for me to read what other people have to say here. Personally I think brains are amazing things that come in different settings and also that most of us can play with neuroplasticity to shape our brains in ways we prefer to be. And personally, I really enjoy having an unusual kind of brain, and my husband (who's cusp Aspie) having an unusual kind of brain - but I'm in midlife and it wasn't easy when I was younger. It's a journey! :hibiscus:
 
Welcome to the forum @WaterLily,

I find the word normal a somewhat transgressive word. All of us are programmed from birth, by our upbringing and life experiences. In that regard there is no difference between NDs and NTs. What is different is how that programming gets a little skewed because of the way our brains wind up being wired. In computer speak, it is as if we have a different interpreter for common experience.

There is no fault in this, merely evolution trying some things out.

As to you also being transgender, that is not as uncommon as you might think. You are not alone here, I have a friend who is on the spectrum, transgendered, and a member of this community. I have met others as well in real life.

So normal is a completely relative term and in my book may not be used as a generalization for others. The foulest epithet in English, for me, is "You're Not Normal". I have a concept of normal that most people cannot fit, even if they tried. It radiates from my life and perception of self, as is the case with everyone. When something deviates from that reference.... So normal for me can be nothing more than a relative term.

To me, you are normal for you, and you should not question it too much. Be the best person you can be, be kind, be generous, be understanding of others and walk away from those who would have it otherwise.

That to me is normal, and what your neurology may be has nothing to do with that.

Stick around, explore.... who knows, you may find out something about yourself that you were completely unaware of until you discover it.
 
Normal:
adjective
  1. 1.
    conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
I wouldn't have picked the word "transgressive" as @Richelle-H did, but only because it's not a word that's normally in my vocabulary. In a similar way I think, "normal" to me is a very literal word. The "real world" (relating to life and nature) does have a standard, but just because something is "normal" doesn't mean it's the only "good" way for something to exist. There are instances in evolution where a living thing was "normal" at a time, but over eons, an evolutionary anomaly replaced what was once "normal". Dinosaurs evolving into birds, for example.

"Abnormal" is also a very literal word. It's literally the case, for example, that homosexuality is "abnormal" in relation to the norm since the norm in the human species is heterosexuality. Again, I'm speaking to the literal definition of the words "normal" and "abnormal" and I don't personally view people of differing sexualities by the literal definitions as in "abnormal" = bad. Most people today have evolved past literal black and white to now view homosexual people as simply different from the norm of heterosexuality. Not bad or worse.

In the similar way, neurodiverse individuals according to the purely literal definition of the words "normal" and "abnormal" would be considered "abnormal" (ie "disordered"). My hope, like the above is that people can move past the literal definitions and see people who differ from the normal as people who may be "different, but not less."
 
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Welcome @WaterLily . As people are fond of saying here; 'Autism is a spectrum,' and we all present with different facets of that spectrum. I cannot remember sensory issues, but my significant deficit was the inability to understand social communication. Unfortunately with a basic introversion and shyness, these drove severe social anxiety. I think that, especially for guys, social deficits are common in Autism.
 
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Normal is just a setting on a dryer! I couldn't resist :D.

If you could make it as a talk show host, you're neurotypical. I suppose that would be an extroverted example. An introverted NT may be just as good at socializing but prefers not to doing a lot of socializing.

I don't think the science of the mind has come to terms with the concept of different neurology types yet. But they seem to be headed towards understanding that neurology is what determines some if not all of the "personality disorders'.
 
Blinking is "normal"
Having a beating heart and functioning lungs is "normal"
I believe much of everything else is called being human as opposed to either perfect or normal.
 
"Normal" simply means a group if parameters that the majority agree upon as desireable or good or simply common. But it doesn't really mean anything. These parameters can be anything at all.

Even amongst neurotypical people these "normal" parameters vary along, typically, socioeconomic or culture lines.

But as I am writing this I was thinking about all the ways YOU define yourself as defferent. "I am transgender" , "I am aspie". We all do this. We label ourselves in part to help us put definition to something so nebulous as "Identity". But in doing so we inadvertantly limit ourselves to that with we have labeled. We inadvertantly denigrate ourselves into the "other" pile.

Are we trying to explain ourselves? Excuse ourselves? Perhaps we are trying to explain to our detractors why they don't like us?

These are just off the cuff thoughts. I wonder what would happen if we could just BE and be self accepting without the need to underline that we are different.

No, Waterlily, you were not "born as a man" but "live as a woman". You are just Waterlily.
 
"Normal" is something that is shared by the majority. Therefore, it's normal to have no problem with eye contact and abnormal to have a problem with it. This abnormality is then classified as a trait and that trait is said to be a part of Autism. Have a large number of traits follow this pattern, and you have the difference between an autistic person and a non-autistic person.
 
Welcome!

I see conformity as an easy way of finding acceptance, and acceptance and validation as part of our collective innate desire to find happiness. But you are whoever you wish to be, and that's your normal.
 
Greetings from GG

Imagine the curve of a classic bell. Any trait, talent, fault among a group of humans fit somewhere on that curve. Being on the curve is what is normal.
 
GafferGragz said:
Greetings from GG

Imagine the curve of a classic bell. Any trait, talent, fault among a group of humans fit somewhere on that curve. Being on the curve is what is normal.
Click to expand...

...and this means it's normal to pick your nose, vote for corrupt politicians, buy products with inbuilt obsolescence, make rash statements, be significantly swayed by advertising, etc etc. :innocent:
 
The problem is when normal for bullying to become normal at schools, then the standards have really changed. Or the normal for racial profiling and so on. Our new normal was masks covering our face, but normal for us is masking to fit in with the conventional norms.
 
Aspychata said:
The problem is when normal for bullying to become normal at schools, then the standards have really changed. Or the normal for racial profiling and so on. Our new normal was masks covering our face, but normal for us is masking to fit in with the conventional norms.
Click to expand...
The nasty is that mask for self-preservation and mask for not bringing the critter to others become a political issue. pfft!
I use mask first and foremost bc I don't want to bring this bug to other humans, 2nd to protect myself from the bug. Same with vaccine. I do this out of information gathered my whole life. I know the risk and I do it, share the risk with my fellow human beings bc if not we all will suffer more. Again, nothing political here at all, just reacting on information gathered for more than 30 years.
 
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