What happens to an Aspies if they aren't diagnosed?

[SyAn]

I am still not diagnosed. I probably would if I had to in order to get a particular job but so far that was not necessary. I have known that I am on the Spectrum since I was a teenager, so getting officially diagnosed would not change anything for me.
I know of someone in a similar position for whom diagnosis was personally important, so I guess it is a very individual thing.

 

[Adamantium]

I am not a social genius, but I am guessing the mother is your son's wife? And the father with traits is your son?

I say this because the dad seems to not be in the picture in terms of decision making about his daughter and people don't usually refer to their adult daughters as "the mother."

The reason I think this is worth pointing out is that relationships with "in-laws" are famous as minefields. Much better for your son's family, I think, if dad were to take the lead and you were not to press the issue.

Because of the era, I grew up without being diagnosed (though I was certainly well known to school therapists and counselors) I think it would have been very helpful to know why things were the way they were. I think, though it's very difficult to evaluate such a hypothetical, I could have avoided a lot of self-blame, feelings of worthlessness and a suicidal period if I had known what was at the root of it all. I might also have succeeded in college.

So I think she should be evaluated by a professional and told, if the diagnosis is ASD, but the trick is to make that evaluation happen. My time came when my son's school requested a neurological assessment without explaining their suspicions. I was stunned by the news that they thought he had autism, but then studied it and realized that the reason I couldn't see it was that he was so like me. And I fit the profile, too. So I was assessed about six months later--and finally all those years of struggle made sense.

It's wonderful that you are there fore her. Good luck with everything.