What If There Is No Chatter or Small Talk?

[KevinMao133]

What if there is no chit chat, no small talk, no chatter

Well, I tell you what will happen: the world will be a much better place without it

I can’t stand all the chatters and judgements. Maybe some people say things without meaning it, but I cannot understand

I cannot understand for the life of me why people open their mouths without thinking

Just think about it: everything we say has complications. What we say matters. We might not mean what we say, but there’s always a someone who’s out there listen

Anyways, yeah, that’s it

 

[Neonatal RRT]

...and then there are uncomfortable silences.

I don't know which is worse.

There are some people that have the ability to initiate "small talk" and then quickly transition into a meaningful conversation,...if the other person can do that, as well. If the other person does not have a similar level of social reciprocity (like many of us), then it gets rather awkward quickly.

 

[Hypnalis]

Small-talk is certainly noteworthy for being mostly content-free, but despite that implementing a ridiculously complicated protocol. It's not ND-friendly at all.

It does have a purpose for NT's though. We can learn to live with it, or live with being an outsider in an important social "game".

BTW the specific protocols are cultural, nor global. Even NT's have to learn the new protocols if they find themselves in a different culture. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" is one of the reminders for them.

FWIW there are some cultures which have much less/no small-talk. IIRC Russia is famous for this.

 

[LadyS]

Yep.

 

[Au Naturel]

What if there is no chit chat, no small talk, no chatter

Well, I tell you what will happen: the world will be a much better place without it

I can’t stand all the chatters and judgements. Maybe some people say things without meaning it, but I cannot understand

I cannot understand for the life of me why people open their mouths without thinking

Just think about it: everything we say has complications. What we say matters. We might not mean what we say, but there’s always a someone who’s out there listen

Anyways, yeah, that’s it

Why should I deprive other people of that which gives them pleasure?

If chit-chat makes people feel good, then I say chit-chat away. It does me no harm, so I'm not going to criticize.

 

[Storm Hess]

I agree. I HATE small talk. Being on the forum is great...I can control when I want to speak and whom I wish to speak to. My interaction and the depth of it is my decision. I cannot handle a yammering monkey standing in front of me trying to engage me in social banter.

Them : "Weather is great...but it's getting a bit cold."
Me (in my head) : "Make up your mind...is the weather great or is it a bit cold? How can the weather be great if you're complaining about it getting cold? Put on a warmer jacket."

Them : "What do you do for a living?"
Me (in my head) : "I finger paint with my own feces...which by this stimulating conversation you must a Masters in."

Tips for Neurotypicals:
A blessed conversation about anything that is beyond the scope of societal norms...make it interesting...and most importantly...have a point!

A silly Example (exaggerated for comedic affect):
Them : "Trees are amazing, aren't they? A living, networked organism that keeps us alive."
Me (in my head) : "When can I marry you?"

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

BTW the specific protocols are cultural, nor global. Even NT's have to learn the new protocols if they find themselves in a different culture. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" is one of the reminders for them.

I have had to do that working in different countries. Croatia was results oriented in projects and the people very direct. In Costa Rica my co-workers were very procedure oriented, and I learned to explain every detail thoroughly.

 

[KevinMao133]

Why should I deprive other people of that which gives them pleasure?

If chit-chat makes people feel good, then I say chit-chat away. It does me no harm, so I'm not going to criticize.

because most people don’t know what respect is. It might make themselves feel good, but it makes the person who is on the receiving end feel terrible. We always have to be aware of what’s going on

I refrain myself from all the chit chat, nonsense, because I don’t want to be the one to create harm on others. If someone is hurt because of what I said inadvertently, it’s all on me

 

[Owliet]

I get the idea that small talk is a way to test out a further need to have in depth conversation. I don’t like small talk and I don’t enjoy social networking which often involves a lot of small talk, but I understand that it can be important for people to do it, and I don’t always have to engage in it if it’s too overwhelming. The awkward silences are usually more stressful.

because most people don’t know what respect is. It might make themselves feel good, but it makes the person who is on the receiving end feel terrible. We always have to be aware of what’s going on

Comments said to hurt aren’t necessarily small talk, I think they’re more observations or statements.

 

[Jordy]

What if there was no autism?

 

[Nitro]

What if there was no autism?

“What would happen if the autism gene was eliminated from the gene pool?

You would have a bunch of people standing around in a cave, chatting and socializing and not getting anything done.”​

Temple Grandin

 

[Matthias]

What if there is no chit chat, no small talk, no chatter

Well, I tell you what will happen: the world will be a much better place without it

I can’t stand all the chatters and judgements. Maybe some people say things without meaning it, but I cannot understand

I cannot understand for the life of me why people open their mouths without thinking

Just think about it: everything we say has complications. What we say matters. We might not mean what we say, but there’s always a someone who’s out there listen

Anyways, yeah, that’s it

Small talk is how people get to know each other. It's how people form friendships and other relationships. Without it, the world would be full of depressed loners.

because most people don’t know what respect is. It might make themselves feel good, but it makes the person who is on the receiving end feel terrible. We always have to be aware of what’s going on

I refrain myself from all the chit chat, nonsense, because I don’t want to be the one to create harm on others. If someone is hurt because of what I said inadvertently, it’s all on me

Believing that other people control your emotions by the mere utterance of harmless words is a cognitive distortion (a type of irrational thinking) known as a control fallacy. In reality, you cause your own emotions by the way you choose to think. This is a mental problem. CBT can fix it.

 

[Matthias]

What if there was no autism?

People would get along better, understand each other better, have better friendships and deeper relationships which would result in less interpersonal conflict, less crime, and lower rates of mental illness.

 

[Au Naturel]

because most people don’t know what respect is. It might make themselves feel good, but it makes the person who is on the receiving end feel terrible. We always have to be aware of what’s going on

I refrain myself from all the chit chat, nonsense, because I don’t want to be the one to create harm on others. If someone is hurt because of what I said inadvertently, it’s all on me

I think you are confusing chit-chat with gossip. Gossip is just one subset of the larger basket of chit-chat.

Or maybe not. I have no clue why you imagine chit-chat to be disrespectful. It is generally an attempt to either befriend or reinforce friendship. Since chit-chat is the default mode for 95% of the people you will meet, to be chit-chatted is to be accepted as worth chit-chatting with. They are trying to be friendly. That's how it is done. And no, people don't need to worry about whether the chit-chatee is welcoming of the chit-chat. If you don't like it you can always find a polite way to step away from the conversation.

Chit-chat is a nearly universal human social behavior. Unless you are wearing a sign saying, "Do not chit-chat me because I think it is disrepectful." you're being unreasonable. It is absurd to take offense when none was intended.

 

[GypsyMoth]

Chit-chat is a social convention through which common ground is established. During the reciprocal exchange of nothing much, both people are observing how they respond to the other person's humor or sense of decorum in order to know how far they should trust or believe the other person. (Are the pauses between words respected? Does each speaker follow their culture's best speaking practices? Does the other person listen attentively to the first? If the one doesn't show the other due regard, then why should the conversation grow?) Basically, chit-chat is not about chit-chat at all but about all the nonverbals going on that establish whether or not this person can be trusted with more weighty concerns, should the need arise.

I can do chit-chat; I lived in California! Grocery store lines, shelf-stocking personnel, cashiers. Used to be they initiated the conversations but over the years I began trying it out on fellow queue-ers in line and am savvy enough to keep it up for several short paragraphs. How? 1. the weather, 2. kids, 3. pets, 4. something incidental to the shared experience of standing in line somewhere, 5. the weather (again), and maybe now combine that with something incidental to the shared shopping experience. Although, I don't really think about the process...not true. I do think about the process, all the time. I think I'm just more comfortable with it.

I couldn't always do chit-chat. I think it takes practice and a commitment to actually listen to the other person (while you're realizing that the other person is equally as wanting to pass the time as you).

Where I fail at chit-chat is when the topic becomes more specialized, say, on cooking using correct cooking terminology (learned from all those wonderful cooking shows I don't watch) or when the topic wanders off of the weather/kids/pets or shared experience. That's when I really have to start listening.

 

[Progster]

I'm not a fan of chit chat either, but only find mean gossip disrespectful.

Nearly everyone uses chit chat to some degree, some more than others, it's usually expected and necessary to get on with other people and to fit in. Most people I know default to chit chat when they meet someone, but I do know some who don't use a lot of chit chat. I welcome that, but I think many people feel uncomfortable/awkward with the lack of it, or may perceive you as being unfriendly or stand-offish.

 

[KevinMao133]

I think you are confusing chit-chat with gossip. Gossip is just one subset of the larger basket of chit-chat.

this might be the case

 

[Jordy]

“What would happen if the autism gene was eliminated from the gene pool?​

​

You would have a bunch of people standing around in a cave, chatting and socializing and not getting anything done.”​

Temple Grandin

Having autism is not a prerequisite to having creativity, intelligence, curiosity or dedication, nor is it proven that it is an unfortunate consequence to having genetics in the human gene pool that cause these four traits.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think you are confusing chit-chat with gossip. Gossip is just one subset of the larger basket of chit-chat.

Or maybe not. I have no clue why you imagine chit-chat to be disrespectful. It is generally an attempt to either befriend or reinforce friendship. Since chit-chat is the default mode for 95% of the people you will meet, to be chit-chatted is to be accepted as worth chit-chatting with. They are trying to be friendly. That's how it is done. And no, people don't need to worry about whether the chit-chatee is welcoming of the chit-chat. If you don't like it you can always find a polite way to step away from the conversation.

Chit-chat is a nearly universal human social behavior. Unless you are wearing a sign saying, "Do not chit-chat me because I think it is disrepectful." you're being unreasonable. It is absurd to take offense when none was intended.

With the local bike club we usually start out with chit chat. I decided I like it. People are happy to see me, and I them. I enjoyed listening to one couple recount their experience on the Chicago to Mackinac Island race, their first one.

 

[KevinMao133]

I was just talking to my friend

I realizing something: I hate small talks

I also find that my brain doesn’t connect with my mouth

I do a better job texting and I know I have thoughts, meaning I’m articulate

I know for a fact this is common and that it’s normal