What If There Is No Chatter or Small Talk?

[Ronald Zeeman]

Your not alone small talk is not my thing, yet I like to talk the subject must be consequential.

 

[Judge]

Probably more to the point it whether or not anyone here on the spectrum enjoys small talk at all.

My idea of "small talk": Retromod Computers

My bad, so sue me.

 

[Xinyta]

I have no capacity, nor understanding, for small talk. It feels pointless. Though my Uncle is pushing that every day. Trying to get me to do what I really have no capacity for doing.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I was just talking to my friend

I realizing something: I hate small talks

I also find that my brain doesn’t connect with my mouth

I do a better job texting and I know I have thoughts, meaning I’m articulate

I know for a fact this is common and that it’s normal

Normal for us. One of hallmarks of autism. Also related to social reciprocity difficulties. I even struggle with small talk with my wife. Lots of long silences in the house and in the car, and this is quite normal for us.

 

[Ghostinthemachine]

I am the same as are many on the forum I don't like it and have no time for it it either winds me up or makes me anxious so I just don't bother and focus on functional conversations

 

[Fino]

Same. Small talk is painful. Messaging can be great.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I been doing it so much lately now it has become second nature too me that I am actually getting good at it. It does not burn me out as quickly. I do it six days a week and rest Friday evening up to Sunday mornings just to repeat it the next week. That does not count the texts and social media I still send during the week and the weekends.

 

[mw2530]

Small talk is awful and more difficult when I am tired. The only time I actually enjoy small talk when there is constant sarcasm involved. Not sure if that is even considered small talk.

 

[SusanLR]

This is typical for us.
My days are spent in silence except when my house companion and I eat breakfast together and sometimes again at dinner.
He watches political news programs all day and wants to talk about it. I don't.
If I bring up a subject to him, it is usually something I've read on my special interests such as space discoveries, archeology finds or medical research.

Sometimes it is about the nature outdoors around the house.
Like the birds that have nests in the bushes now against the house or what flowers are now blooming.

I drive him around to his appointments or various places.
We rarely talk in the car as I find it distracting. Rather like multi-tasking.
I keep the radio playing instead.

 

[Ghostinthemachine]

Same. Small talk is painful. Messaging can be great.

Yes I agree messaging works better

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I think my small talk has gotten so good now that I tent to overshare too much now and appear over friendly. I think I am now out of control.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Okay I do hate small talk. I just realized that I actually been info dumping trauma dumping on everyone I been talking too. Luckily they been understanding Christian or yoga teachers. But still no wonder I been talking my head off.
This article explains it all.
https://www.thearticulateautistic.c...-may-push-for-a-closer-friendship-right-away/

 

[SPEED RACER]

I was just talking to my friend

I realizing something: I hate small talks

I also find that my brain doesn’t connect with my mouth

I do a better job texting and I know I have thoughts, meaning I’m articulate

I know for a fact this is common and that it’s normal

Oh u don't like talking to midgets ? Lol

 

[Levitat0r]

I understand how it's helpful if you don't know someone yet and you're trying to get there, but I don't like it drawn out or belabored. I like to get pretty quickly to more substantial things like "What are you up to?".

 

[NB79]

I think small talk promotes connection between persons. This is the interesting part of small talk is more about 'connecting' than talking something substantial. And when you can do it, it feels nice.
I couldn't do it at all before, i believe God helped me,, now i do it, not at the level normal people does it. But i noticed a change. I can't do it well with strangers though, they feel like intimidating to me and i just can't.

 

[Levitat0r]

I think small talk promotes connection between persons. This is the interesting part of small talk is more about 'connecting' than talking something substantial. And when you can do it, it feels nice.
I couldn't do it at all before, i believe God helped me,, now i do it, not at the level normal people does it. But i noticed a change. I can't do it well with strangers though, they feel like intimidating to me and i just can't.

To me, the entire point is to engage with strangers, because if they're not strangers, then you're likely to have things in common, and then you would talk about those instead of commenting on the weather. I see no point in sitting there talking about filler material as an end in itself. If other people do it, it's because they're not even listening to the words, they're watching each other and emotionally feeling each other out, and that's the part of me that doesn't work, and I suspect it represents a mental absence that puts people off. Sorry. I'm present, but I connect mostly through ideas, and the look on your face is an afterthought, unless it's really pronounced. There are lots of intermediate results in the course of a conversation, and that's why I'm not looking at your face, because "confused", "quizzical", or even "offended" is intermediate if you haven't even gotten to the conclusion yet.

It's at this point that people are looking at me like a space alien and saying "Well, there's your problem right there". The "problem" is that I'm looking at the outcome of the discussion, or rather the total meaning conveyed, not your face. So, I'm the dim bulb because I'm focused on the overall statements conveyed and not the faces made on the way? I give up.