What in the world does "you're so pretty, haven't you found someone" mean?

[All-Rounder]

It could definitely be that @AspieChris it also could also be she's genuinely confused that someone is independent and doesn't need anyone and made a thoughtless remark.

"I'm independent" sounds good to reply. But not in other areas of life lol

 

[thejuice]

I used to have so called friends asking me if I have a girlfriend yet, I think they knew it made me uncomfortable and squirm..

 

[AspieChris]

It could definitely be that @AspieChris it also could be she's genuinely confused that someone is independent and doesn't need anyone and made a thoughtless remark.

Absolutely true. Sometimes people genuinely don’t realize what they sound like.

 

[All-Rounder]

I used to have so called friends asking me if I have a girlfriend yet, I think they knew it made me uncomfortable and squirm..

I have a friend who does this too. I had extreme mental anguish due to her asking that the first thing even if we saw each other more often

 

[paloftoon]

I think it's a poorly worded comment. She makes it sound she's saying that you have so many good qualities physically that you should just be able to get someone attracted to you and willing to put up with things most people don't like is what that implies. She could be implying that you're setting your expectations too high and that you have a lot to offer.

With all the personal questions she asked you to make you feel uncomfortable, it is a superiority thing. Especially with the age gap. I have people who have done this to me before and I didn't appreciate it. I would just ask them the same question back and see how they answer. I had been asked if I cook for myself and they were questions that just sounded like this adult was so surprised I could be so capable for myself.

In a way, I get it because a lot of people on the spectrum struggle and are low functioning, but I still felt dehumanized like I never even had a chance to level with her because she assumed all these things about me. I try to stay away from these people when I don't have to talk with them. They will not be helpful in your life. Put as much time as you can into your caring peers and people who know how to be kind.

 

[All-Rounder]

I think it's a poorly worded comment. She makes it sound she's saying that you have so many good qualities physically that you should just be able to get someone attracted to you and willing to put up with things most people don't like is what that implies. She could be implying that you're setting your expectations too high and that you have a lot to offer.

With all the personal questions she asked you to make you feel uncomfortable, it is a superiority thing. Especially with the age gap. I have people who have done this to me before and I didn't appreciate it. I would just ask them the same question back and see how they answer. I had been asked if I cook for myself and they were questions that just sounded like this adult was so surprised I could be so capable for myself.

In a way, I get it because a lot of people on the spectrum struggle and are low functioning, but I still felt dehumanized like I never even had a chance to level with her because she assumed all these things about me. I try to stay away from these people when I don't have to talk with them. They will not be helpful in your life. Put as much time as you can into your caring peers and people who know how to be kind.

Yeah I feel that superiority thing even in my younger friend, particularly since she became a mother, her tone of voice changed just like when a mother would scold a child, when she'd say it like she was really annoyed with it, and it was the same for this lady, it feels like I'm being yelled at or bullied, and given our relationship it's inappropriate. My mother does it non-stop with even more aggression so I have a lot of trauma with these circumstances.

 

[paloftoon]

Yeah I feel that superiority thing even in my younger friend, particularly since she became a mother, her tone of voice changed just like when a mother would scold a child, when she'd say it like she was really annoyed with it, and it was the same for this lady, it feels like I'm being yelled at or bullied, and given our relationship it's inappropriate. My mother does it non-stop with even more aggression so I have a lot of trauma with these circumstances.

I don't always know how to reply on the spot for these type of situations. So I just stay calm and get annoyed rather than take action. I have taken action in similar situations before, but sometimes I over do it and sometimes I get it right. So, it's a tricky balance.

If you have to continually interact with this person, don't initiate with them unless it's something job related or similar and stay "professional" enough. If they ask you something personal from now on, say you don't feel comfortable answering anything personal and then ask then immediately switch the topic to an organization you care about. Start telling her a little bit about that organization, the work you've done with it, and ask her to donate to it.

 

[AprilR]

I once got asked "are you a feminist?" by someone bc i am not married. I was stunned by how that person's mind works!

Lots of people don't find someone, because.. They just don't? It is pure luck

 

[Neri]

I'd probably reply (if I had my wits about me) with "Awww, you think I'm pretty? Why thank you!" with some humorous, exaggerated, preening, and totally ignore the back handed compliment part that is a female one-upmanship.. That way they don't get the satisfaction of seeing you slighted by their diss.

 

[All-Rounder]

I'm so tired of people just saying I'm pretty. It's an absolutely disturbing and shallow thing that has nothing to do with my control or true qualities. I told a neighbor that women who get told they're pretty have a hard time growing old and she kept doing it anyway.

 

[Neri]

I'm so tired of people just saying I'm pretty. It's an absolutely disturbing and shallow thing that has nothing to do with my control or true qualities. I told a neighbor that women who get told they're pretty have a hard time growing old and she kept doing it anyway.

Fair enough.
I'm lucky I've never got many of those complements then.
Although a lady I bumped into, who'd met me when I was younger, did describe me to another lady we were with, as "Stunningly beautiful", when I was younger, (coz I'm 51 now) and I was kind of shocked and surprised. I had no idea anyone in the world thought of me that way.

 

[All-Rounder]

Well I met a new lady, and guess what she said. Of course she said it too, multiple times.

It must be a behavior our great ape ancestors would do. Person, you're so beautiful.

Maybe I should have said I didn't wash my face.