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What makes you feel loved?

Well guys, when I was in the supermarket yesterday I suddenly remembered Swedish Fish (which I'd never heard of until this thread) and bought some to try them. Can't say they made me feel loved but they're ok.
Just thought I'd let you'all know. :D
 
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
That short quiz might help. It's used in couple's counseling, and it did help me make sense of my partner when we spent a session on it. Acts of Service make him feel loved, and I gather this is common for Aspies.

I had a big problem with his love language at first. "Acts of service, what is this, servitude? This is what he wants from me? That is not going to happen, he needs to change." But it did make sense. Two years ago, right after he moved in he casually directed me to take care of his laundry as he was heading out the door. I laughed all day about that, every time I thought of it. We had a long talk that night and he doesn't make those kinds of requests any more. But when I want him to feel loved by me I deliberately perform acts of service for him, and he understands the generosity and eats them up.

My love language is totally different. We couldn't be more incompatible, and I have no idea how we're making this work.
 
i feel loved when i receive a letter, message or call from my ex on the other side of the world, despite being so far away and not seeing one another in person for 11 months she still regularly gives me time, attention and affection and i am always so honoured. she is the only person who has made me feel so loved.
 
Being trusted, somehow balancing reliability and planning with doing things off the cuff sometimes. Reciprocation in communication and physicality.
 
LucyPurrs said:
Thanks for that response!!!! I'm assuming you mean emotional safety?
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In part yes, but it is more than that. Throughout my early years I was never safe from violence and abuse, and the people I should have been able to turn to, my mother for example, were part of the problem, so I had no safe place I could be. Every meaningful relationship I have had since has been with someone who makes me feel physically safe and protected, and I know that as the practical and psychological expression of love.
 
AO1501 said:
In part yes, but it is more than that. Throughout my early years I was never safe from violence and abuse, and the people I should have been able to turn to, my mother for example, were part of the problem, so I had no safe place I could be. Every meaningful relationship I have had since has been with someone who makes me feel physically safe and protected, and I know that as the practical and psychological expression of love.
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Thank you so much, that is an extremely helpful response. I'm so sorry you had such a childhood. Hope your life is better now. Your responses in the forum I have found to be very thoughtful and helpful and thank you for that.
 
LucyPurrs said:
Thank you so much, that is an extremely helpful response. I'm so sorry you had such a childhood. Hope your life is better now. Your responses in the forum I have found to be very thoughtful and helpful and thank you for that.
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I am very happy now. I live alone and that has become where I am safe. When I saw this thread I realised that how NT and AT people must see the same thing differently. When my wife told me she loved me, I said 'I know, you make me safe', and she thought that was peculiar. In fact I think she felt hurt that I took it that way. But to me, it was a miracle to not be always anxious and on edge, and to be protected, and for someone to do that for me, they must love me.

Thank you - I try and help!
 
If my friend told me I made him feel safe, I would totally understand how important that is and be extremely happy that was the case. In fact that has been one of my hopes- that he does feel safe, accepted and cherished for who he is (no change asked or required).
 
Thanks! He has said he loves me, that he trusts me, and told me I have nothing to worry about. I guess that's getting there, XD. I do think he does feel safe or he wouldn't have told me the things he's confided in me. But he's never actually said it so I don't like to make assumptions.
 
For me, I know I could not love someone if they didn't give me that sense of real safety, and I don't think that is solely because I was not safe when I was younger. I think it's a very strong human need in general, I'm just not sure we express it much because 'love' seems more emotive and important. I just express it the way I do because I was so unsafe for so long that it has become the most obvious expression of love and trust to me.
 
Well, that makes a lot of sense to me- after all you couldn't feel safe with someone you didn't trust and who accepted, valued and cared about you so it's all good.
 
For specific gestures, I think it depends on the person, because everyone expresses love differently.

But when a person shows they know me, they understand me, and they accept and appreciate me, I feel loved.
 
Ambi said:
If you were more than just friends, I would suggest reading a summary of the 5 love languages for ideas of what might make him feel loved. But actually, it could still work for platonic relationships.
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My husband and I used that exact thing to learn more about ourselves and I got "quality time" and "words of affirmation".

Words are super important to me, especially when building a bond with someone. If you're someone who I'm still getting to know and you will openly treat others poorly, or lie casually, I will struggle to let you be part of my life. Need to be able to trust what you say, sort of thing, and I expect the same from myself when speaking to others. I do appreciate people are not perfect though, so I think I watch for behaviour patterns.
 
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