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What should I expect

T

Talentedoaf

New Member
I just found out I have AS. I was never diagnosed but from what I have read; alot adult Aspies aren't diagnosed. Anywho, I was wondering what helped you in coping with it? Did you go be more social? Did you give up on being social?? I REALLY want to know. I'm not gonna stick to a script. I refuse to do it. I would feel horrible inside. People in my family tell other people I'm retarded and It seems like, as a person with AS, we all get a bit agitated when we're misunderstood. It is our entire life's struggle. I don't want to get diagnosed because that would probably dramatically change the course of my life.
 
What helped me most was to learn as much as possible about how ASD has been affecting me. I watched videos by Aspie youtubers, read books by Aspies, searched the threads on this forum, and absorbed info from books and videos by Dr. Tony Atwood. Learning more about myself is enabling me to be more realistic and strategic in approaching myself, others, and life in general.
 
Ever read a book 'The little voice'? My little voice was crushed under social expectations when I was a kid. So I started with things I still find the most important:
Who am I?, not Who should I be? What do I want?, not What should I want?

You're not going to stop pretending to be NT because this is NT world. But you may stop killing yourself in the process.

You're not 'retarded'. You're not 'crazy'. You're not a 'freak'.

You're different, not less and you need people that understand it.

I myself on my good days don't give up on being social but I do it on my ow terms. Quiet place like a library or a small restaurant for example. Never parties, never things that make me feel uncomfortable or anxious. Other times, I spent time on my interests, read books, program, these things. Whatever I do, I try to do it to the 'beat of my own drum' because this is who I am.

Don't worry. You're in the right place. You'll find yourself. You don't need a diagnosis for that at all. It's the knowledge of how and why, as well as tips of how to cope with the world that will help you, not some shrink's platitudes.
 
I used to be somewhat social. I did spend time with people and even though it was difficult I got something out of it. We all crave human contact, after all.

My diagnosis came after a very serious situation at work in which I was harassed and humiliated and then lost my job and my career. I don't know if it was one or the other or a combination of both factors (what happened at work and being diagnosed) but now I can barely leave my home and I dread interaction with other people, even though I also crave it and it sometimes feels as if the loneliness will consume me.

That being said, you might do well to get diagnosed, if only for the opportunity to educate your family about the condition and to get them to stop thinking about you in that way. It is not right for them to speak of you like that and you should not just let it go. I know it's much easier said than done to stand up for yourself, but I really think that you should in your situation, even if you decide not to go for a diagnosis.
 
@dragoncat16 I am so glad you posted on this thread. I have read some of your posts on other threads and I could fully appreciate all of the things you said. I have said many of those things to myself over the years, mystified at what I was doing wrong. I am the laughing stock of my neighborhood. The only reason I don't kill myself is I don't know anyone with a handgun and hanging is very brutal. Even family outings are turning into nothing but stress. Now when I feel insulted I simply just shut down and become mute and half dazed. I spent Thanksgiving two days ago in my room away from my family.

If I get diagnosed, will I then automatically get disability? My work record is horrible and I can't see myself getting any sort of gainful employment.
 
I shouldn't have said I wanted to die. I regret saying that. I just talked to my mum and she said her friend knows where I can get diagnosed.
 
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