Being PPD-NOS I don't have as many social difficulties as the average autistic person might, but there are some things that I'm awkward with.
1. I am often called nosy because I get so intrigued and curious about what's going on in the workplace (ie, gossip). I find most people feel the same and they seem to be able to find out social information without people rolling their eyes and thinking "so nosy!" But me, I'm not sure how to be discreet when trying to find out gossip. Sometimes I can see people looking annoyed so I have to back away and keep a low profile. But then I know nothing, while everyone else seems to know about everything that's going on with everyone.
2. I find it so hard to assert myself, unless I'm really close to them. But with friends and people at work, I'm scared that if I assert myself it might escalate into an unwanted argument, and I don't like arguing. I think it's because it brings me back to my childhood days when I used to bicker a lot with my peers and my mum used to say "nobody will like you if you keep arguing with them". So I'm still afraid of that today, and I don't want to be seen as argumentative at work. So it feels easier to just nod in agreement or let people talk to me rudely. It's easier said than done to assert yourself. Also when I'm in that situation I can't always think of the right thing to say to defend myself. It's like the words get stuck in my throat and I'm just looking at them and opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish.
3. I'm not too good at first impressions. When meeting people for the first time I do feel willing and excited but also quite nervous and I have to picture in my mind how I'm going to be, to perfect my first impression. The best thing to do really is to not think into it too much and to just go along with the flow. Being so I do trust my social instincts most of the time, I know that I'm not really going to make that much of a fool of myself if I just go with the flow. But if I do fail at first impressions I can get severe social anxiety/RSD.
But I remember when I started college and met all these new teenagers I'd never met before, I actually did make a fool of myself trying to be confident and chatty. One ended up calling me a freak, not in a mocking way but in a stubborn way, and they avoided me after that. I felt so embarrassed, that I couldn't attend college for a couple of weeks and had to sign off sick. Luckily when I returned I made some friends, although the person who called me a freak continued to stay away from me but that became less of a big deal, because as long as they were leaving me alone and not bullying then they can do what they like.
I learnt though from that experience is to just be myself. Let myself be shy. If you relax and make it obvious that you're shy then most people will understand. If you try to hide your shyness by seeming loud and chatty, you're going to make more social errors and people will more likely judge.
1. I am often called nosy because I get so intrigued and curious about what's going on in the workplace (ie, gossip). I find most people feel the same and they seem to be able to find out social information without people rolling their eyes and thinking "so nosy!" But me, I'm not sure how to be discreet when trying to find out gossip. Sometimes I can see people looking annoyed so I have to back away and keep a low profile. But then I know nothing, while everyone else seems to know about everything that's going on with everyone.
2. I find it so hard to assert myself, unless I'm really close to them. But with friends and people at work, I'm scared that if I assert myself it might escalate into an unwanted argument, and I don't like arguing. I think it's because it brings me back to my childhood days when I used to bicker a lot with my peers and my mum used to say "nobody will like you if you keep arguing with them". So I'm still afraid of that today, and I don't want to be seen as argumentative at work. So it feels easier to just nod in agreement or let people talk to me rudely. It's easier said than done to assert yourself. Also when I'm in that situation I can't always think of the right thing to say to defend myself. It's like the words get stuck in my throat and I'm just looking at them and opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish.
3. I'm not too good at first impressions. When meeting people for the first time I do feel willing and excited but also quite nervous and I have to picture in my mind how I'm going to be, to perfect my first impression. The best thing to do really is to not think into it too much and to just go along with the flow. Being so I do trust my social instincts most of the time, I know that I'm not really going to make that much of a fool of myself if I just go with the flow. But if I do fail at first impressions I can get severe social anxiety/RSD.
But I remember when I started college and met all these new teenagers I'd never met before, I actually did make a fool of myself trying to be confident and chatty. One ended up calling me a freak, not in a mocking way but in a stubborn way, and they avoided me after that. I felt so embarrassed, that I couldn't attend college for a couple of weeks and had to sign off sick. Luckily when I returned I made some friends, although the person who called me a freak continued to stay away from me but that became less of a big deal, because as long as they were leaving me alone and not bullying then they can do what they like.
I learnt though from that experience is to just be myself. Let myself be shy. If you relax and make it obvious that you're shy then most people will understand. If you try to hide your shyness by seeming loud and chatty, you're going to make more social errors and people will more likely judge.
