What would you give for a friend?

[Christy]

Friends. Friendship. True Friends.

How do you actually gauge a friendship?
Is it:

Someone who you enjoy talking to
Someone who understands your ‘quirks’
Someone who is a ‘friend with benefits’
Someone who you can call at home at three o’clock in the morning if you’re broken down on the side of the road… and they come to help!

(and re-word this bit too)
What would you give for someone you consider to be a friend as defined by the way you perceived the above question? What wouldn’t you give?

There are multiple facates to what I consider a friendship to be. I consider someone a friend when:
- they know me well enough that they accept my quirks, but also are secure enough that when I say something that is offensive, they stop and ask what I really mean before they get offended. And vice versa, they don't get offended when I ask what they mean because I don't always interpret people correctly.
- they are honest with me, and I can accept what they have to say as I believe their intent is well meaning, and vice versa.
- I can share my thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement, and they can do the same to me.
- they support me through the tough times, and vice versa. A kind word, a hug (even a cyber hug), helpful advice, or silence, depending on the situation.
- they respect my boundaries, and vice versa.

There are a heap of other benefits to friends too, but are not actually pre-requisites to a friendship, IMO. Things like:
- being able to have challenging and interesting conversations.
- company when you go out.
- someone to call on when you need help.
- shared interests.

But the question is what I would give for a friend...
I think the most valuable thing I can give any person is time, patience, understanding, care, value, empathy. It's the emotional stuff that matters most to me, but physically I would give most stuff as well, depending on if I trust them to appreciate it. The big thing for me is whether they appreciate it or not, which is tied to expectations. If a friend asks me for something or if I see a need I can fill, I will bend over backwards to give it. If they expect me to give it, then I clam up fast and dig my heals in.

 

[HelloDizzy]

If I could have a friend [IRL] that got the same thing out of me that my enemies get, I would be in good shape. I'm the same person whether I like or dislike you in most cases. If there were such a thing within reach that I could have intellectual conversations with, who would protect me from others/myself, and was physically attractive, I would be a happy camper. If I can't have that, I'm fine with nothing.

 

[Explosition_Rooster]

A friend... I would love that; you wouldn't to happen to have one, would you?

For me, I kinda want a friend that I can share stuff with that I wouldn't share with others, like my parents or family, and if I ever got one like that then I would probably give up everything I ever had to get one.

 

[iamanders]

If you want to know more about friendship then read The four loves by CS Lewis.

 

[grapesicles]

Weirdly, I would love a female friend (being female myself). I'm totally envious of some of the friend-couples I see on Youtube or in real life, who tell each other everything, buy each other the most thoughtful gifts & do loads of fun activities together. I had one good female friend when I was 5 (yes, that long!) but we drifted apart after a few years since she moved away. On the rare chance I've actually hit it off with one, we don't move past the acquaintances stage.

I have a few close male friends - just friends, no one that I'd want to get together romantically with - & they have long-term partners too. I find it much more easier to talk to males in real life but can't explain why! Maybe more shared interests? I think it's to do with non-verbal communication: I never pick it up and apparently girls do it a lot but males don't so much.

 

[Warwick C]

That is intersting Grapesicle that you find it easier to talk to men. It find it easier to talk to women than men, could it be we some how find it less threatening.

I would like a true friend, at the moment I am letting thing run it's natural course. I feel I will find a true friend when I am ready for the friend, at this stage I think I am undergoing a change in a sence, while I am learning about myself.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Weirdly, I would love a female friend (being female myself). I'm totally envious of some of the friend-couples I see on Youtube or in real life, who tell each other everything, buy each other the most thoughtful gifts & do loads of fun activities together. I had one good female friend when I was 5 (yes, that long!) but we drifted apart after a few years since she moved away. On the rare chance I've actually hit it off with one, we don't move past the acquaintances stage.

I have a few close male friends - just friends, no one that I'd want to get together romantically with - & they have long-term partners too. I find it much more easier to talk to males in real life but can't explain why! Maybe more shared interests? I think it's to do with non-verbal communication: I never pick it up and apparently girls do it a lot but males don't so much.

I feel uncomfortable sometimes when talking to other women, because I know that I cannot fit in with them, that I can only pretend to be similar to them.
Sometimes with men it is easier, because I know that they don't expect me to be the same as them. Since I'm a woman, guys already assume that I'm going to be different.

 

[Historianthomas]

Well, I could give you the standard definition of what a true friend is. A true friend is someone who is there for you and generally cares about you. A true friend also helps you grow emotionally. My best friend has certainly helped me in this regard. I never truly understand platonic love until I met her. She showed me that there are people in this world who if you let them in your heart, will be good stewards to the friendship. I love her very much. But this love, is really different than any love I have experienced. It is not like my girlfriend who I love too. It is really hard to describe. I would do almost anything for her. I want her to be happy and successful in her life. I guess the best way to describe it as if I "adopted" her as my younger sister. I really wonder why our society almost completely focuses on romantic relationships and family relationships. Friendships seem to be not as important, which is totally wrong in my view. We should have a holiday just to celebrate friendships.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Well, I could give you the standard definition of what a true friend is. A true friend is someone who is there for you and generally cares about you. A true friend also helps you grow emotionally. My best friend has certainly helped me in this regard. I never truly understand platonic love until I met her. She showed me that there are people in this world who if you let them in your heart, will be good stewards to the friendship. I love her very much. But this love, is really different than any love I have experienced. It is not like my girlfriend who I love too. It is really hard to describe. I would do almost anything for her. I want her to be happy and successful in her life. I guess the best way to describe it as if I "adopted" her as my younger sister... We should have a holiday just to celebrate friendships.

I really wonder why our society almost completely focuses on romantic relationships and family relationships. Friendships seem to be not as important, which is totally wrong in my view.

Because most people haven't experienced this kind of friendship.

 

[Judge]

I suppose the ultimate adult friendship is the kind that can overcome separation, distance and other relationships.

Unfortunately I can't say I've either experienced, or witnessed good friendships that didn't inevitably succumb to changes involving a new job, move, marital status or children.

 

[Vanilla]

Hi all

Traits I find valuable in friends include these:

Being able to show your true self, and still be accepted
Being able to share comfortable silences
Being able to talk to them about anything on your mind
Being there for you when you're at your worst
Being honest with you about things that others would normally never mention to your face
Being willing to drive you to the airport, at a ridiculous time in the early hours of the morning
Being able to forgive, and put the friendship above any silly, tedious arguments, or personality clashes
Occasionally knowing you better than you know yourself
Being able to genuinely enjoy the company of your friend

There are many traits I believe make a good friend; of course every friend is different; I don't expect all my friends to display all these traits at all times, and I generally reserve some of these traits for my dearest friends

 

[tridianprime]

I think a friend must share interests otherwise i get bored of them.

They should be honest an being an aspie does help because i find interaction with NTs cryptic and i get bored of the games. Sarcasm and poor wit also make me feel sick.

Ideally, they should appreciate good comedy.

A vital trait is open mindedness because i have had too much experience with people who are closed to my views.

People who are self conscious i cant be bothered with. They get whiney.

I am not fond of altruism because it shows a need to be accepted. I prefer it if people are just respectful and true to themselves.

Good hygiene.

I like people who don't just accept what they are taught but challenge it, not just for the sake of arrogance though.


Those are the main ideas. What i would give though? If i have to give anything i question their motives.

I also dont want someone who has any reliance on me or smothers me.


Unfortunately, i have not found anyone as to this moment. HeHe.