What would your life have been if you weren't autistic?

[The Pandector]

OK, please don't take offense or anything, but I just wanted to ask. Why does it seem that the majority of autistic people on these forums have come from abusive families? I feel like the only one who came from a normal, stable, loving family.

I’ve reflected on that, as well. First, there’s a strong genetic link in autism, suggesting that there are often more than one autistic person in a household, and the older generations in those households weren’t nearly so likely to be diagnosed. Second, I suspect that many cases we consider autistic have until just recently been considered discipline problems, challenging parents with limited disciplinary skills. Thirdly, ‘abuse’ has become one of those words used so often that it’s become a catch-all that can include responsible corporal punishment or two weeks without a smart phone… and it’s just a stinky personal observation that autistic people can be pretty quick to feel ‘abused’ when expected to look and act like NT’s, which is a special-case thing.

I guess I mean to say that families with autism are more stressed and, while that doesn’t excuse any sort of abuse, it may explain a lot of it. Everything on this forum is self-reported.

 

[Misty Avich]

I’ve reflected on that, as well. First, there’s a strong genetic link in autism, suggesting that there are often more than one autistic person in a household, and the older generations in those households weren’t nearly so likely to be diagnosed. Second, I suspect that many cases we consider autistic have until just recently been considered discipline problems, challenging parents with limited disciplinary skills. Thirdly, ‘abuse’ has become one of those words used so often that it’s become a catch-all that can include responsible corporal punishment or two weeks without a smart phone… and it’s just a stinky personal observation that autistic people can be pretty quick to feel ‘abused’ when expected to look and act like NT’s, which is a special-case thing.

I guess I mean to say that families with autism are more stressed and, while that doesn’t excuse any sort of abuse, it may explain a lot of it. Everything on this forum is self-reported.

I see. While I can't really relate to growing up in an abusive family, it still makes me feel sad that so many people say they grew up in abusive homes. But I'm also confused, that I wonder if many autistics were abused because of being autistic, or are autistic because of being abused.

While no parent is perfect, I can confidently say that my parents (and the rest of my family) were down to earth, decent, loving parents, and I never went hungry or neglected. My parents were always there for me even in adulthood. And yes, they weren't prepared for all the challenges I gave them and I know they'd rather I was NT like everyone else, but they still loved me and cared for me and made sure I got all the support I needed. Even as an adult my mum supported me in every way, even after the way I treated her with my challenging behaviour. She was quite an emotionally fragile woman prone to anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, but no matter how depressed or anxious she was, she always made sure us kids were loved, supported, warm, clothed, fed, supervised (until we were old enough), and everything else a decent parent can do. So I'm proud of my parents.

 

[Ken]

What would your life have been if you weren't autistic?​

I suspect my life would have been much like all the rest of my family. I turned out very different. Autism was a profound issue, but as it all turned out, I am in far better shape, both physically, health, and economically.

My family is and has always been "dirt" poor economically, educationally and opinion of life. I really needed help due to my autism, but that was never to be. No one knew about autism, but if they did, I'm sure that would have made things even worse. Not getting the help I needed forced me into a do-or-die situation. Most of my life was a nightmare. Almost perpetual meltdown. It drove me away from my family, so I turned out very different. My savior was my obsession with all things electronic. That obsession drove my career into a position that requires a degree, which I did not have. My eventual boss discovered my passion and self-taught beyond college level and put me in a work environment suitable for an autistic (somehow he knew?). None of that would have happened if I were not autistic. Otherwise, like the rest of my family, I would be poor, debilitated and sick.

 

[Lightswitch411]

Apparently when an autistic person is asked, "what do you think your life would have been like if you were NT?" they typically reply with "I don't know."

Apparently, when a person is asked, "What do you think your life would have been like if you [insert any life changing event]?, they typically reply with, "I don't know."

Haven't we all made decisions that led to other decisions (and so on) that took us down one direction, instead of another, in our life?

Movies like "Sliding Doors" (1998) and "The Adjustment Bureau" (2011) are just two of many that show how every day decisions can result in a completely different life. It doesn't take autism (or not) to create one life instead of another.

On what was to be my very first day at university, I received a job offer and took it. But how would my life be different if I had gone to university that year instead of five years later? Gee, I don't know.

 

[Misty Avich]

Apparently, when a person is asked, "What do you think your life would have been like if you [insert any life changing event]?, they typically reply with, "I don't know."

Haven't we all made decisions that led to other decisions (and so on) that took us down one direction, instead of another, in our life?

Movies like "Sliding Doors" (1998) and "The Adjustment Bureau" (2011) are just two of many that show how every day decisions can result in a completely different life. It doesn't take autism (or not) to create one life instead of another.

On what was to be my very first day at university, I received a job offer and took it. But how would my life be different if I had gone to university that year instead of five years later? Gee, I don't know.

Well I guess you have a point. But it's what I read somewhere about autism, is that due to lack of imagination autistic people just typically won't know what they're missing and don't know how being NT would be.
But that has never applied to me. I've always been able to step into the shoes of the general NT community and take an educated guess at how my life would have been and how I would have perceived the world.