What, you think l am NT?

[Tired]

Nothing recently. I do remember being hurt long ago by a friend to whom I confessed to being stressed at a wedding party. She said to me ‘I’ve been watching you! You’re having a great time!’ In a dismissive tone of voice. In reality, I had had full nuclear masking going on.

What a stupid thing to say to a person, who just told you, that they didn't enjoy something. Just dismissing them, wow... hope you aren't her friend anymore.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I like hanging with fellow Apies, we tend to quietly hang out find out later who we are as the ones I meet mask so well I could not tell until I get to know them, found out just a few weeks ago wife's cousin husband is most likely on the spectrum we had become friends all the clues were there then it went click asked a few questions and everything made sense.

 

[All-Rounder]

I met 2 music performers from Africa and I had to tell them I don't usually go out with people. They were young males so I just tried to avoid a meet-up. I was dressed to impress that night, I was wearing a false top bun, false magenta hair extension and a mix of blended bright colors: bright yellow-green, orange and magenta, black and white patterns, with a tutu and gemmed fishnets and the cutest high quality sweater. In town for a week, I didn't wanna do part-time investments.

 

[All-Rounder]

Because of this forum, l finally feel comfortable being ND. l don't feel like a bad person, because l am more logically oriented.

That sounds great for you. I'm so glad to hear.

You inspire me to go steady and with an upward curve.

 

[All-Rounder]

I like hanging with fellow Apies, we tend to quietly hang out find out later who we are as the ones I meet mask so well I could not tell until I get to know them, found out just a few weeks ago wife's cousin husband is most likely on the spectrum we had become friends all the clues were there then it went click asked a few questions and everything made sense.

Did you talk about autism with him or just vague questions?

 

[All-Rounder]

I just have to say this thread makes it feel so fulfilling because it's a success to see us feeling good here and building progress. I'm perceptive when people don't feel well here and I want them to be able to feel good.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Growing up at a time when ASD was rarely diagnosed I otherwise had high intelligence and a curiosity about the world. Because of that people thought that my lack of being social was a choice, not recognizing that I felt very isolated. My strong independence was merely a way of attempting to be self reliant when I felt that I could never count on anybody for my emotional needs. That isolation morphed into an existential loneliness as I entered adulthood and recognized the personal and intimate relationships that were beyond my social capability.

 

[Aspychata]

@Gerald Wilgus , sad but l see that too. More based on my family wasn't there for me, so l knew l had to survive on my own, emotional needs were a secondary, and l couldn't indulge in such needs.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

@Gerald Wilgus , sad but l see that too. More based on my family wasn't there for me, so l knew l had to survive on my own, emotional needs were a secondary, and l couldn't indulge in such needs.

I’m certainly familiar with that. Became aware at age 6 that my parents couldn’t take care of me.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Nothing recently. I do remember being hurt long ago by a friend to whom I confessed to being stressed at a wedding party. She said to me ‘I’ve been watching you! You’re having a great time!’ In a dismissive tone of voice. In reality, I had had full nuclear masking going on.

Being told what you think and feel is such a constant. It could be part of the DSM criteria for Autism

 

[Neri]

Nothing recently. I do remember being hurt long ago by a friend to whom I confessed to being stressed at a wedding party. She said to me ‘I’ve been watching you! You’re having a great time!’ In a dismissive tone of voice. In reality, I had had full nuclear masking going on.

I remember telling my Ma (this was before diagnosis and before I realised my being on the spectrum) that I was painfully shy, as a kid, and her saying "No you weren't" and I thought "That's annoying". I didn't argue the point, though, I just felt very unseen. Still, that's not that unusual for how I've experienced my Ma.

 

[Boogs]

and her saying "No you weren't"

I often find the more positive someone is about another's experiences and feelings, the less they know of that other person really feels, and the more they are projecting their own thoughts, feelings and opinions onto that person.
Plus when it comes to things from our past, especially involving family, our and their memories are far more flexible and changeable than we all realise, and the brain is constantly modifying our memories in ways that are often impossible to even be aware of.

We all adjust our memories to fit the picture we believe was the case back then, and reality often has little to do with it. This isn't conscious or deliberate, in fact if it didn't happen that would be dysfunctional. People tend to assume that how they see something must be pretty much how everyone else see's it, and make that implicit assumption, when the reality is we don't match each other nearly as closely as we think so we misinterpret many things about each other.

And also for a parent to believe they ignored some serious problem in their children is tantamount to believing they abused their children in some way, so to accept, say, that you were shy may to her be something very hurtful. She may, for example, have guilt feelings about something to do with child rearing, and this may be a profound attack on the constructed belief that she had not failed you (regardless of the reality of what really happened back then)?

I suspect feeling unseen by loved one's is not an uncommon experience for many ND people.

 

[Harmonie]

A friend of mine whose judgement I trust very much was surprised when I told her I was suspecting I may be autistic. In the end, she told me that my sensory issues with eating (which she's familiar with, with us having gone on trips together. >.< lol) was the only sign she saw.

My friend has read one thing wrong about me before, but I still trust her judgment in general and it has sowed seeds of doubt on top of the doubt I already had. lol. Nevertheless, I feel confident that it still likely and it is worth getting tested.

I want to say that I don't appear ND but I don't think that's true, as throughout my whole life I've always had big issues fitting in with others, so I feel like to many it's obvious that I'm different. But I don't think that many could articulate why. I was just always called "annoying", which I now assume was because of my ADHD side. I masked that side and became a bit reclusive, rarely reaching out to others. Found out very quickly that being alone and having my own space was actually the most comfortable thing for me. Interesting, isn't it?

 

[Boogs]

It's fascinating to gain a new insight into personal behaviours and events of life, from the view from the spectrum.
Maybe your friend's failure to see the things you know are part of you is more to do with your masking skills?

Also misinterpretation by non-neurodivergent's seems a common part of the whole game that leads to miscommunication in all sorts of ways. Many assume everyone thinks and operates in pretty much the same way, I certainly used to, never occurred to me I was divergent at all, just rubbish at doing what most others took for granted.