What's the point?

[Ylva]

I use CBT and gestalt therapy.

 

[Thinx]

Thanks for explaining. I see why the name of the blog is problematic. I changed it to be less arrogant and better reflect what it's about. As far as generalising my own experience to all with autism, that was never my intention. I even started a thread a couple weeks ago to explain I may have been diagnosed with autism because I was born with autistic traits and developed depression and social anxiety when I was a toddler and that my experience may only apply to others in the same situation. As far as not understanding, I studied autism for years and I've read numerous posts on this forum (including before I signed up) that explain the same thing I experienced my entire life until recently. I blamed myself for awhile, then blamed other people (like many here) but I've learned that my problems were due to "misunderstandings" (which I see posted on here frequently) and I don't expect anyone to agree with me (I angrily rejected what I now know to be true when someone told me about it. I had to just try it and it worked) so I'm just trying to show how what worked for me may be possible in the hope others will try it. I know it can help others because everything that helped me has been proven effective in scientific studies.

Yes I think that's a good title, really clear. I hear your eagerness to help, but your own experience does bear out the reality that we only take notice of something when we have got to a place of life experiences where we are ready.

Like the old joke, How many counsellors does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change... On the whole, people search out help and find it when they are ready. They have to want to change, and they have to be at a stage where they have enough tools from their life experiences to enable them to use or comprehend something that's offered.

And even then, it differs what will work for them. Massively, as research has shown. There's a range of ideas that can be useful to help you think about how helping works, for example research on the stages of change, you might find interesting.

Another thing research has shown is that people need time to feel understood, to have their distress and complaints and tough experiences heard, before we can start effectively helping. They usually need plenty of that before they can move on, not everyone, but many.

A lot of helping initially is paving the way by acknowledgement of the person's story. Many will distrust and feel undermined or blamed by immediate suggestions that they do something that worked for you. They will often want to be heard first.

 

[SimplyWandering]

I always seem to feel similar to those who post these type of threads, however self-deprecation does not help you live the best life you can.

Try not to think too much about how others view you, but rather how you can help others. It might make your life more meaningful to you.

 

[Matthias]

Yes I think that's a good title, really clear. I hear your eagerness to help, but your own experience does bear out the reality that we only take notice of something when we have got to a place of life experiences where we are ready.

Like the old joke, How many counsellors does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change... On the whole, people search out help and find it when they are ready. They have to want to change, and they have to be at a stage where they have enough tools from their life experiences to enable them to use or comprehend something that's offered.

And even then, it differs what will work for them. Massively, as research has shown. There's a range of ideas that can be useful to help you think about how helping works, for example research on the stages of change, you might find interesting.

Another thing research has shown is that people need time to feel understood, to have their distress and complaints and tough experiences heard, before we can start effectively helping. They usually need plenty of that before they can move on, not everyone, but many.

A lot of helping initially is paving the way by acknowledgement of the person's story. Many will distrust and feel undermined or blamed by immediate suggestions that they do something that worked for you. They will often want to be heard first.

I can relate to what you're saying. After someone advised me that CBT could cure my depression, I got angry and didn't look into it until 6 months later. I felt like no one understood me, thought other people were the problem, the didn't want to be blamed for them making me depressed.

I'm not trying to pressure anyone. I just want people to know help is available if they want to get better. If not, that's fine. I didn't know self-help books existed until last year. I always thought therapy and drugs were the only option to treat depression and anxiety. Drugs didn't work and I had so many bad experiences with other people that I didn't trust anyone so seeing a therapist wasn't an option so I felt there was nothing I could do. I tried standard CBT using an online program awhile ago and it didn't help. The only reason I got better is I'm very logical and was able to read a bunch of books by experts, put the information together, and adapt it based on my differences that result from being autistic. The posts in my blog at How I overcame problems associated with autism deals with stuff like self-esteem, being yourself, stress, understanding emotions, and how to become less sensitive to criticism. It's all stuff that many non-autistic people deal with but addressing those problems made me less socially awkward and really made it easier to understand other people. I want people to know the problems I mentioned can be overcome if they want to get better. I wish someone told me what I learned a long time ago because I could have avoided a bunch of problems and had a much better life.

 

[Eclipse14]

I'm still trying to figure out how to accept myself. It's hard when ASD makes me miserable constantly. I'm tired of masking and pretending all the time.

 

[Matthias]

I'm still trying to figure out how to accept myself. It's hard when ASD makes me miserable constantly. I'm tired of masking and pretending all the time.

If you're like I was and many people here, you mask and pretend because of your negative opinions of other people. Many of those opinions are based on misunderstandings. If you change your beliefs, you can stop masking and enjoy your life instead of being miserable constantly like I also used to be.

 

[SDRSpark]

I don't get it. Some people made us and now we are alive. Like thanks mom for making me autistic. All my life (and probably many of your live) I've struggled with it. I never felt fully loved nor liked, nobody taught me how not to hate me for my autism. I'm pretty sure that no one will love me truly. I'm tired of being on the wrong planet on which everything is cold and weird and hard. I'm tired of playing my socially accetable role. So I am asking. What's the point of being born autistic, just to suffer? to hear like all your family tells you that you will never achieve something, to be laughed at on the streets of your hometown?

I don't know how old you are, but I have, for multiple reasons, felt very much the same when I was younger (I didn't know I was autistic...I spent a good bit of my teenage years resenting my parents for bringing me into this world..."you made me now I'm obligated to exist in this hellscape and I really don't want to be here but now I have to deal with it" is how I felt.) I lived with varying degrees of suicidal ideation for about a decade.

Eventually I made a purpose for myself, a reason to want to be here. I don't think I was born with a reason for existing, or a reason why I am the way I am (except in the most literal sense, genetics and upbringing is why I am the way I am. Luck of the draw, I guess.) I made something of it.

Everyone talks about "finding your purpose" like we're just all born with this magical thing that fills us with hope and joy and motivation and fulfillment... That's a big giant myth in my opinion. We're not born with that, we build that for ourselves. We find something that we love (and maybe even finding that thing takes work, risk, dedication) and then we grow and change with that thing, until it becomes part of us. It's not just given to us. It takes work.

 

[Mia]

Everyone talks about "finding your purpose" like we're just all born with this magical thing that fills us with hope and joy and motivation and fulfillment... That's a big giant myth in my opinion. We're not born with that, we build that for ourselves. We find something that we love (and maybe even finding that thing takes work, risk, dedication) and then we grow and change with that thing, until it becomes part of us. It's not just given to us. It takes work.

Suspect that the sole 'gift' were given is life. What we make of it, is purely up to us. So I wholeheartedly agree with you.

 

[Pieplup]

I don't get it. Some people made us and now we are alive. Like thanks mom for making me autistic. All my life (and probably many of your live) I've struggled with it. I never felt fully loved nor liked, nobody taught me how not to hate me for my autism. I'm pretty sure that no one will love me truly. I'm tired of being on the wrong planet on which everything is cold and weird and hard. I'm tired of playing my socially accetable role. So I am asking. What's the point of being born autistic, just to suffer? to hear like all your family tells you that you will never achieve something, to be laughed at on the streets of your hometown?

I'm going to to quote a post I made on the wrong planet to someone feeling a similar way. I highly disagree that it's cold weird and hard.
"Everyone suffers. Some more than others, but everyone suffers. Life is not free of pain. Without suffering you can't grow. Without suffering success has no meaning. Without pain there can be no joy. Without Loss there can be no gain. Life would have no meaning without pain. Life is not about how you suffer life is about how you overcome that suffering. Some do it better than others. Some never do it. That's what I've learned. "
The way I look at it is that. Suffering turns you into a better person. You certainly aren't the worst person. I also realize there are people who have it much worse than me. I still am not sure that I accept the outlook of my life because of my problems (not all of them even autism related). However here's the thing. I choose to believe that my suffering has made me a better person. It's not about 5 Years ago I was cold distant and arrogant. Now i'm empathetic, and a bit more enlightened. Truth is I still kind of hate myself. I always end up making things worse not better. No one is without problems. No one is without. The point of life is to learn. Suffering is an important part of learning. Also on a side note, If you're family is being toxic to you you should get away from them. Plenty of people have doubted me. Most of them were wrong. You need to work on using that to motivate you.