When I was a kid, I had to say good morning to my family or they would get offended that I hadn’t greeted them. I couldn’t get up each day and when I saw a family member, just start a talking to them. No! I had to say some sort of morning greeting first.
This always bothered me but I didn’t understand why it bugged me so much. This still happens now even though I live with other people. There’s still this unspoken rule of the “good morning ritual.”
I just don’t see the point in it. They already know that I live here and that they will see me, so why do I have to say some sort of good morning every day?
I prefer to skip the hollow nicety and start talking about whatever’s important for that day.
I used to do the same, more so when I was a child, but it still happens with my family. I got the "good morning" done more easily whenever I didn't have anything I actually wanted to say though. Like, if there's nothing important to say, I could just say "good morning" instead of saying nothing at all, but as soon as there was something on my mind I went straight ahead with talking about this thing I wanted to tell. This still happens nowadays occacionally although I am more aware of these greeting rules.
But for some reason, I can't stand not saying or not receiving a good bye/good night.
My mother was very particular about saying "good night" and my grandmother even more so. I often forgot to say "good night" as a child though.
Once I got some specific pens to draw/write on clothes with colour that isn't washed out again but supposed to be used for writing on clothes. I took a big shirt and wrote "Good night" on it. Afterwards, I wore it as a pyjamas shirt, so when I already wore it in the evening, spending some time with my family before going to bed, I could avoid saying it and didn't have to remember it because it was written on my shirt anyway. I'm not sure how accepted/appreciated this workaround was. In my opinion back then it was good enough. I know they thought it was funny at least.
I didn't even realize how socially detrimental it was that I didn't greet my co-workers. I honestly just wanted to keep to myself, and figured people would know me as that person who just keeps to herself. Yeah - I only found out when I heard people mentioning how "rude" someone else was for not saying "hello" in the morning. In the morning, I just wanted to get to my desk and get the day over and done! Now I do think saying good morning is their way of offering respect and acknowledgement of the other person's presence. It's so normal in some cultures that if someone doesn't do it, then that breaking away from the norm can seem to signify the opposite - rudeness at worst, or awkwardness at best. Just my two cents.
I agree with this.
My problem when it comes to greeting and work is mostly that it's just an additional distraction. Like you said, I want to go to work, do my work and go home afterwards. To do my work I need to focus on my work without being distracted again and again.
I'm usually one of the earliest people coming to work together with two others. We usually meet when neither of us is already working, but rather making coffee or tea for the day to drink etc. We greet each other. This is okay for me and I reciprocate their greetings rather automatically by now.
But then there are the people who come to work later than me (i.e. more than 20 minutes later). At that time I'm already at my desk doing work. Every time someone comes, they say "good morning" and expect an answer. For me this means to get interrupted, to switch my focus, to acknowledge the greeting and say "good morning" as well, to switch my focus again and finally continue my work.
The same applies when others leave earlier than me and say "good bye".
This also makes me more hesitant to actually say it. I mean, I know others expect it and probably don't have the problems I mentioned, but I don't want to interrupt people either. It's especially bad if I want to leave work, know that I should say "good bye", but the other person is talking to someone else at that time. Then I'm trapped between "Don't interrupt other people's conversations." and "Say 'good bye' when you leave.". I usually just smile and nod at them then to indicate a "good bye" without saying anything. I have seen others doing this and so I adopted this habit.
It's a verbal acknowledgment of the other person's presence and is an indication of respect. It's often used to get the other person's attention to create an opening for conversation.
The important factor is not the content of the phrase or sentence itself. It is saying something to the other person that matters.
I think it's also some kind of "all-clear" message. It gets the other person's attention and at the same time says "I'm here. I'm friendly and not an enemy who comes silently from behind to attack you."
I assume this because there have been times when I went in a room without saying anything and when someone eventually noticed me they said something like: "Oh, I didn't even notice you.", being a bit scared by seeing someone who appeared unexpectedly without saying anything.
This makes sense. It's natural to be aware of potential threats and dangers around someone and so it's good to know who's around and that they aren't a threat.
This could also explain this:
So, I tried saying good morning verses not saying it and found that on days when I said "good morning," I received a return greeting and people acknowledged my presence in the room without much tension.
But...
On days when I didn't say any sort of greeting, there definitely was some tension and avoidance. I even got weird looks and I was far less welcomed from the people in the house.
I guess these people subconsciously do this "status check" every morning and once there is the message "x is here and everything is okay; there's no danger", there is less tension.
It seems like a meaningless ritual, but for them it actually isn't.
I don't know how much they are aware of this background "status check" issue though (and it's only a theory of mine anyway). Maybe they just feel uncomfortable with it in a way if someone doesn't do it and find it awkward and rude without being able to explain it in more detail.
Often, when asking about "Why do you do this?" about social rituals people don't seem to know a very useful answer, but only say "It's just what you're supposed to do.", at least I often got this answer. But I assume there
is a reason for them, they only don't realize it on a conscious level because they don't really need to think about it in the first place. It's just their natural behaviour. Nevertheless, they can easily tell if someone doesn't do it "correctly" and feel uncomfortable about it, which is probably partly caused by this subconscious process.
Having to say "good morning" when arriving at the office was exhausting... and they expected this EVERY DAY.
Then you had to continually greet people whenever you passed them, like a 'hey', or how's it going?' that could be downgraded to a smile, then to a nod, to finally I can go home to agonise about starting the bloody insane ritual over again the next day.
I'm glad that no one here in the office expects the other to say "Hi" every time we pass someone. No one here does this. It's only the "good morning" standard and then at the end of the day "good bye".
I have actually never known anybody who required a "good morning" or some sort of greeting from family members or people that they live with. You're not weird in disliking it; considering that it's actually something that most people don't do. I would say that your family is weird in this regard, but you said that the people you live with now also require it, so I don't know why you've had the misfortune of spending your life paired with people who follow this strange custom.
This is interesting.
My family expects the same and from my experience it actually seems to be a very common thing here. I assume that this also depends on where you live and what is common in a specific area.
I mostly just nod my head and get on with my day. Depending on if I am more awake I'll say Hi. I did try saying good morning at 1PM and got chewed out by this neighbor so I stopped saying good morning to people. In my defense I did start walking at 10AM and then it turned into noon...
This reminds me of a ticket inspector on the train. I go to and from work by train every day and I saw him about three times in the evening when I was on my way home. He went on, inspecting tickets and occasionally saying "good morning". It was about 5:15 pm at the time.
I'm not sure if he did this on purpose as a joke or if he really didn't notice what he was saying. Maybe he used to work in the monings and hadn't adapted his script yet.
