When a friend lets you down, or at least: perceived as such

[On the Inside]

Sending a message with a human is as much of a message as sending one electronically, or at least that's how I would think about it.

I would say more so, but I'm still a bit old fashioned.

 

[pushpin]

I don't mind you asking me why I post a certain thing and I didn't take it the wrong way - in my earlier days when I didn't know that Aspies just say what they're thinking, I took things the wrong way.

I honestly must say it is very (what's the word I want to use) disheartening when you think you understand something and then you find out it is incorrect. It's very hard learning Aspie - just like Aspies having to learn NT language. Not all Aspies are the same, but there are some major similarities just like with NT's it's known that we "small talk" and assume some things.

When Suzanne was laying out her thought process of the situation, I was thinking that sounds like how NT's think. I really thought Aspies didn't think like that. I'm also finding out that Aspie women are a lot like NT women in some ways that Aspie men are not.

I don't think you are necessarily incorrect or anything like that. I feel like knowledge builds upon itself. It's like, realizing that as you're building a wall that you put a brick at a slightly wrong angle, you just fix the brick's placement. The wall is still a worthy wall, if that makes sense.

And I respect that it is difficult to learn Aspie, as you said, and I think it's pretty awesome that you even care to do so

 

[On the Inside]

And I respect that it is difficult to learn Aspie, as you said, and I think it's pretty awesome that you even care to do so

It's difficult even as an Aspie! I come here hoping to get some clarity and understanding and sometimes wind up more confused than before. There is no such thing as a unified Aspie perspective.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I don't think you are necessarily incorrect or anything like that. I feel like knowledge builds upon itself. It's like, realizing that as you're building a wall that you put a brick at a slightly wrong angle, you just fix the brick's placement. The wall is still a worthy wall, if that makes sense.

And I respect that it is difficult to learn Aspie, as you said, and I think it's pretty awesome that you even care to do so

I have actually come to think that Aspies are very special people. I've made some great friends here and over the past year this is where I come for the good times and the bad and they've helped me through all of them. I just wish I could meet you all in person some day (without the eye contact and small talk, of course).

It's very nice to meet you, btw, Pushpin. I'm Grumpy Cat nurse Angie.

 

[pushpin]

I have actually come to think that Aspies are very special people. I've made some great friends here and over the past year this is where I come for the good times and the bad and they've helped me through all of them. I just wish I could meet you all in person some day (without the eye contact and small talk, of course).

It's very nice to meet you, btw, Pushpin. I'm Grumpy Cat nurse Angie.

It's nice to meet you too, grumpy cat nurse Angela! [emoji4]

 

[Suzanne]

why should i force her to talk to me by texting her if she's chosen not to.

*

That is exactly how I feel! I have this thing where I will not inflict myself on another! I cannot text her because if she really does not wish to talk to me, that is her right!

 

[Suzanne]

upbringing, trauma, cultural factors all come into play to develop a person. I believe in nature and nurture.

Edit to add further: Also, with Aspie women being like NT women, I think that really depends. I'm really uncomfortable with people's personhoods being painted with broad brushes. Something inside me feels very against that, always has. There are too many differences and variables, from cultural to socioeconomic etc that can affect a person's behavior. I think some Aspie women may seem more similar to NT women, but I believe that has more to do with how women in certain western societies are socialized vs how men are socialized.

Excellently said pushpin! Since I was around 42 or so, when I first discovered Aspergers and married to a very much NT man, of course I have been influenced by society and how I was raised; in a very abusive environment (sexual, mental and neglect). I am hoping to attain an official diagnosis soon, but in the meantime, being on here, just further confirms who I am!

I joined this site, for greater understanding and to hopefully feel accepted, so it does rather distress me, when my motives are questioned, since I only posted this thread to see if it is an aspie trait, and I think the answer is inconclusive. I have always been one to not inflict myself on another, but it does not stop one from feeling disappointment, when a friend does not even contact to see how you are doing, when they know that you have been struggling! I shall not apologise for having a normal thought ie sensitivity!