When do my feelings matter? Detaching

[tree]

Coincidentally there is a long standing thread of things/activities that some members find positive.
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/the-positive-thread-post-something-happy.9434/#post-163601


A positive affirmation thread.
https://www.autismforums.com/thread...ffirmations-in-this-thread.29803/#post-611839

A thread in which people consider things they feel gratitude regarding.
3 things you're grateful for - everyday a new list

 

[Misery]

If you've seen my posts often enough, you've probably seen me say that it's best to stay away from things like social media and whatnot.

This sort of thing is EXACTLY why.

It aint just the virus. This is simply the internet. I've been on countless forums and things over far too many years, and this idiocy of the sort you describe simply repeats. Very, very, very rarely will I find a forum that isnt full of that sort of thing (right now, this is the only one I know of, and it has been for quite awhile now). As it is, I dont do forums in general even close to as much as I used to (aside from this one) and I dont even TOUCH social media.

Now, I know you said this: "The thing is, detaching, as you advise, is a pattern that I would like to break" but honestly, NOT detaching in a situation like this is, well, a bad habit that more people need to break. One of the reasons why social media is so toxic all the time is BECAUSE people wont step away from it.

Understand: staying away from nasty, toxic places and things is not some sort of bad or shameful behavior. It's not hiding from your problems. It's not a lack of being able to handle conflict. It's not "detachment" in the specific sense you are thinking of. What is it, then? It's being SMART. It's being PRACTICAL. Why step in the giant mound of dog turds, when you could just, you know, walk around it?

I tell you right now, from years upon years of experience: you cant fight the stuff you're talking about here. You'll never get people on forums to stop doing that stuff, and you'll never get it to stop happening on social media either. What you CAN get, though, is EVEN MORE TROLLS if you bring attention to it. What you also can get is ever increasing frustration and depression as a result of the draining effect of all that negativity. Do either of those sound like a good use of your time? No? Then step away.

And instead, go to those few forums/whatever where this DOESNT happen. Get rid of the bad, stick with the good. That's the practical solution here (and the only solution that will even remotely accomplish anything at all).

You dont have to detach from the entire bloody internet. That'd be silly. You dont have to say "well I guess I'll stop using the computer for 3 weeks". That aint what I'm advising. But to stay attached to a group that is nothing but toxic jerks, well.... IRL, it'd be like being a kid at school trying to constantly hang out with a group of schoolyard bullies, when instead he could do... absolutely any other bloody thing.

 

[onlything]

Everyone has different problems and issues - that's why it's necessary for us to create specific threads to receive support - if we don't tell others what's wrong, how can they know? I'm glad that you decided to post, you helped others a lot, I really hope it could you as well, at least a bit.

To be honest though, the only thing I can say is: it's better to avoid social media like a plague.

Concerning posts, why not setting up a blog on this forum? Maybe it would be easier to find interested, like-minded individuals?

 

[Aspychata]

My husband and I have been watching a lot of Netflix and Amazon Prime Video, especially the comedies. I veto anything that looks too dark or depressing or violent. We do watch a little news (maybe an hour) every day but don't dwell on it.

Love to watch comedies. This is a tough time we are all going thru, maybe you will feel more yourself in a couple of weeks?

 

[Fino]

Two things:

First, I find it surprising that nobody has brought up the fact that the style, tone, and, often, content of your posts can be difficult for a large number of people. You're particularly direct, honest, and intelligently put statements are often read as harsh and unfeeling by folks more prone to sensitivity. I've had relatively similar problems and have learned ways of offsetting these problems with things such as emojis. I most often include them simply to lighten the tone of my post.

Second, it seems you're thinking in black-or-white, in that you either have to respond to most of every post with your wonderful advice or you have to stop coming entirely. I post less than I used to but still come.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hmmm. Feel and appearance? - Perhaps. Yet looks can be deceiving.

I meant "frequently" like JPL & IT "frequently." Even Mensa has a statistically higher incidence of autism than people closer to 100 IQ. The same is even more common among savants.

 

[sybok]

I feel like your tone is at least part of the problem. Even in starting this thread you have had a go at other people's genuine needs as they start out on their autism journeys. I'm not saying you were intending this. But it is how it can be interpreted.

 

[Judge]

I meant "frequently" like JPL & IT "frequently." Even Mensa has a statistically higher incidence of autism than people closer to 100 IQ. The same is even more common for savants.

I see. (I've only heard the term "fanboys" used relative to pop culture.)

Consider this. That if a social group maintains such an emphasis on such alleged benchmarks, perhaps that's your cue to simply avoid them on general principle regardless of how pretentious or not the subject matter and community members may appear to be. Autistic or not...

 

[tree]

I meant "frequently" like JPL & IT "frequently." Even Mensa has a statistically higher incidence of autism than people closer to 100 IQ. The same is even more common among savants.

What is "JPL & IT"?
Jet Propulsion Lab & Information Technology?
Jumbo Peanut Lozenges & Interesting Turnips?

I don't know.

 

[Judge]

What is "JPL & IT"?
Jet Propulsion Lab & Information Technology?
Jumbo Peanut Lozenges & Interesting Turnips?

I don't know.

Yep, it's the only JPL I know. "Super-Egghead" stuff.

But then it also used to be in the South Bay area when I once lived in Northern California.

 

[Crossbreed]

Consider this. That if a social group maintains such an emphasis on such alleged benchmarks, perhaps that's your cue to simply avoid them on general principle regardless of how pretentious or not the subject matter and community members may appear to be.

None maintain such benchmarks.

1. Many in Mensa self-identify with official diagnosis or self-diagnosis as we do here. (The so-called NT Mensans can get antagonistic to the subject at times, while others are uncertain of their own status.)
2. The observation about savants comes from Dr. Darold Treffert, an expert on autism & savantism.
3. The staff at [Jet Propulsion Laboratory] regularly refers to themselves as skewing autistic.
4. IT is the only stereotype in my previous post.
5. In my GI Joe & Barbie groups, some of the attention to detail is comparable to that which many of us experience in our perseverations. That trait is seen in both the autistic and the non-autistic gifted (both of which are neuro-diverse).

It is not clear to me why it should be my "cue to simply avoid them on general principle regardless of how pretentious or not the subject matter and community members may appear to be."

I have never seen an argument in #5, and only heard of one second-hand.

 

[Judge]

None maintain such benchmarks.

1. Many in Mensa self-identify with official diagnosis or self-diagnosis as we do here. (The so-called NT Mensans can get antagonistic to the subject at times, while others are uncertain of their own status.)
2. The observation about savants comes from Dr. Darold Treffert, an expert on autism & savantism.
3. The staff at [Jet Propulsion Laboratory] regularly refers to themselves as skewing autistic.
4. IT is the only stereotype in my previous post.
5. In my GI Joe & Barbie groups, some of the attention to detail is comparable to that which many of us experience in our perseverations. That trait is seen in both the autistic and the non-autistic gifted (both of which are neuro-diverse).

It is not clear to me why it should be my "cue to simply avoid them on general principle regardless of how pretentious or not the subject matter and community members may appear to be."

I have never seen an argument in #5, and only heard of one second-hand.

Then I take it they are only benchmarks that concern you personally?

So what is your point?

I'd think it's academic whether you think a hostile domain is driven by autism or not. No matter what Mensa's uptake may be.

It would still be a venue best avoided. That's MY point. And it's not rocket science.

 

[Crossbreed]

Then I take it they are only benchmarks that concern you personally?

I wouldn't say "concern." The familiarity brings with it a bit of comfort; that is, the neuro-diversity expressed in both camps, autistic & gifted.

IMX, non-gifted ASD1s seem to think in the same patterns as the gifted, just with somewhat lower IQ scores (and, maybe, more specialization). Before Wing, we would have just been nerds & geeks (or both).

Autism is a pervasive development disorder.
Intellectual giftedness frequently is accompanied by asynchronous development.
(There is a lot of overlap between the two.)

 

[Crossbreed]

I'd think it's academic whether you think a hostile domain is driven by autism or not. No matter what Mensa's uptake may be.

I am still confused by (the angle of) your response.

​

Mensa is to gifteds what this place is to autistics. (They are two variations of neuro-diversity.) Mensa is not officially anti-autistic just like Autism Forums is not officially anti-gifted. (Was that what you were driving at?)

I was comparing the atmosphere of a hobby sites to Facebook. Said atmosphere strikes me more like this site because their members tend to exhibit neuro-diverse traits in their interactions with each other (helpful, informative, collaborative, etc.); less egotistical competition.

If someone exhibits a great [technique, etc.], others don't get jealous. They say, "Show us how you did that. We would like to give it a try, too!"

 

[Crossbreed]

What is "JPL & IT"?
Jet Propulsion Lab & Information Technology?

Yes.

 

[Ken S.]

@GadAbout In a society where many people believe not upsetting others is more important than facts and are always looking for a reason to be upset/play victim I find your posts refreshing. As for social media this is the only forum I use. As far as the media goes I think Malcolm X put it best "If you read the newspapers they will have you loving the oppressors and hating the oppressed."

 

[Crossbreed]

I meant "frequently" like JPL & IT "frequently." Even Mensa has a statistically higher incidence of autism than people closer to 100 IQ.

I started a different thread so I won't derail this one.

Nerds or Geeks...?

 

[Pats]

Hi @GadAbout This is the only forum I ever became part of. I quit reading most of the boyfriend girlfriend may be ASD stuff. I'm not here as much as I used to be. But if there's a period of time that there doesn't seem to be much that we relate to, don't give up. Maybe - WE just need to talk more.

I think this virus stuff is probably getting to everyone, too.

 

[Aspychata]

Hi @GadAbout This is the only forum I ever became part of. I quit reading most of the boyfriend girlfriend may be ASD stuff. I'm not here as much as I used to be. But if there's a period of time that there doesn't seem to be much that we relate to, don't give up. Maybe - WE just need to talk more.

I think this virus stuff is probably getting to everyone, too.

Think you are so right about that. We are stuck to stagnate in the shallow shadow of ourselves, feels like a rerun of the crypt keeper for me personally. Lol

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

... now I just have a feeling of emptiness.

Detaching or quitting has been a behavior of mine for a very long time. Withdrawing from a social context. Quitting grad school, skipping family outings, etc. It does lighten the tension, but often deprives me of the emotional support and other advantages that I need. I don't want to continue that behavior ... I'm not sure what to do next.

Hi GadAbout, I do the quitting and detaching a great deal. I no doubt have lost out. I especially did it up to middle age.

These days I am at about three forums but it only takes up a small amount of time. Some members who have hobby horses that don't suit me I put on "ignore". Most members of most forums don't seem to get the point of most threads!

A thing some members on a forum guided me in, was they asked me to fill in the logical gaps in my thinking as I would leap from my starting point to my end point. This of course makes me lengthier!