When (if) did you realize no one liked you. (at school/work/a group etc)

[Jordy]

When i was younger i was delusionally confident, not very, but more than i should have been. It took me all the way till i was 19 to realize that most people just didn't like me. Now i wish i could go back and tell myself what was up so i wouldn't even have tried, i should kept to myself more.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

It has been very painful to me to realize that. I am 42 and I am still processing it. I am almost always focused on the future, but since I discovered that I have autistic traits I have begun to understand things of my past from a different perspective. Allowing myself to feel sadness and pain, accepting I was barely tolerated and soft-bullied in ways I was not able to detect, understanding that what happened to me is natural as it is part of how many people and most social mammals are wired.

All this is being sad, painful and leaves me the feeling of having a hole in my chest. But now some things make more sense and some of my anger to the world is vanishing as I accept things like they actually are.

And another text wall...

 

[Luca]

I didn’t realize no one liked me when I was a kid, and I tried too hard and it ended up causing a lot of trauma from bullying

Even as an adult, most people still don’t like me :/ At least not once they get to know me.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Had a few close friends, but they all moved abroad. Most people I struggle to bond with. I get put off by their interests, or lack thereof, and the incessant small talk.

Not fitting in is a common description for how we grew up.

The internet helped me find others who I could form some form of connection with. But it's not the same as real life friendships.

Sometimes I find I'll just be around people who aren't a great fit, but it's better than being on my own. A bit like who I see each Friday night to go for a burger. I know he's not a bad guy, but he's also not a good fit. He often talks about stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable, or I simply drift off because he's boring the life out of me. But, if I didn't meet up with him - I wouldn't see anyone apart from my parents for weeks or more at a time.

I did add an old close friend who I hadn't spoken to in years after he moved abroad. We've been having daily chats on FB Messenger. It's nice, but he's got a wife and kids now. Plus he's abroad, so it'll never be like the "good old days".

But it is what it is. As Andy Bernard said towards the end of the US Office:

"I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them."

Ed

 

[OkRad]

It's normal, sad to say. Think back to when you were a kid and there was the weird kid, weirder than you. If you are a late DXed person, there must have been times in your life when you thought you were normal. Now think of the old lady or old man (probably in their 30s! haha) who was super odd and scary to you. Never in a million years did you think YOU would become that person. Never did THEY. And most never do become that person. And yet we did.

Sapolosky states (in "Behave") that the two emotions people have toward those below are disgust and pity. I think most people are just afraid. Weird = dangerous even though different people are way more likely to be harmed than hurt anyone.

 

[Owliet]

Honestly from the moment that my mom told me that a girl who I thought was my only friend in school said to her friends that non one liked me and she was only pretending to be friends with me because she felt sorry for me. Now, I’m more guarded with interactions than I would have been, and often second guess people’s intentions, all because of some.........and I don’t believe it when people tell me that they like me or anything possibly Like that.

 

[Aspychata]

This is interesting. Sometimes l wasn't liked and l truly didn't care because l had the children's library. But yet l always seem to have at least one friend. In JR High, l had a sort of friend. Lol- she was on the spectrum, we never argued and we got along great. Debbie Nichols where are you today l wonder?

My bosses on the spectrum were so great, l wanted to be friends with them. So if people don't get me, l am okay with that.

 

[blue_bird]

Firstly, I don't think it's possible for everyone to like or hate a person, and I've gotten out of the 'no one likes me' way of thinking. I'm not saying others on here shouldn't feel that way if they were treated badly more than is usual, but for me it certainly wasn't something I experienced on a large scale.

Don't get me wrong there were and still are quite a few people who don't like me. But that's just normal in life. My shyness and insecurities made me think that there was a global campaign against me but in hindsight I was just too shy and introverted to be popular. I was bullied and so on, but that was due more to the bad behaviour of others, and not due to me being unlikable. I feel that quieter, more withdrawn people are less likely to catch the eye of the masses and it shouldn't always be considered a form of rejection.

 

[Jordy]

Firstly, I don't think it's possible for everyone to like or hate a person, and I've gotten out of the 'no one likes me' way of thinking. I'm not saying others on here shouldn't feel that way if they were treated badly more than is usual, but for me it certainly wasn't something I experienced on a large scale.

Don't get me wrong there were and still are quite a few people who don't like me. But that's just normal in life. My shyness and insecurities made me think that there was a global campaign against me but in hindsight I was just too shy and introverted to be popular. I was bullied and so on, but that was due more to the bad behaviour of others, and not due to me being unlikable. I feel that quieter, more withdrawn people are less likely to catch the eye of the masses and it shouldn't always be considered a form of rejection.

of course not everyone hates me, some people just think im funny, some people pity me and other think im creepy.

 

[Jordy]

It's normal, sad to say. Think back to when you were a kid and there was the weird kid, weirder than you. If you are a late DXed person, there must have been times in your life when you thought you were normal. Now think of the old lady or old man (probably in their 30s! haha) who was super odd and scary to you. Never in a million years did you think YOU would become that person. Never did THEY. And most never do become that person. And yet we did.

Sapolosky states (in "Behave") that the two emotions people have toward those below are disgust and pity. I think most people are just afraid. Weird = dangerous even though different people are way more likely to be harmed than hurt anyone.

behave is a good book, though i haven't fully read it yet. From my experience i am creepy at worst and pity or comedic relief at best.

 

[Luca]

of course not everyone hates me, some people just think im funny, some people pity me and other think im creepy.

Same

 

[Thinx]

I do remember thinking that, it hit me the first time in junior school I was maybe 8 or 9? I remember I worked out an order of precedence in my class and believed myself to be 3rd from the bottom.

Then I also remember realising I was not attractive, in any conventional way. That felt sad.

In secondary school I usually had a friend, and that was enough for me really. I wasn't always happy, but I got by ok, there wasn't a bullying culture fortunately.

Mostly what I was puzzled by all my life was my isolation, I seemed to put in more effort than many but never gained a friendship group that lasted, basically looking back, because I didnt keep in touch with people or know how to.

My sister was similar so I did have a person to turn to, that always helped. And as I got older I felt more confident at work and that helped too. I always enjoyed having work I felt was useful and usually I had some great colleagues. Mostly I also found some interests that were absorbing and where I could socialise to some extent.

In terms of being liked, or not, I think I learned in my family to be cautious about speaking out, my father was very critical. In a way though this protected me, I became a quiet observer. I probably drew little attention.

I do remember realising I could at times be too harsh on others, which was disturbing, and I worked out that if you are hard on yourself, you may be being hard on others too. I've tried to soften that.

 

[Ken]

I don't really remember when I realized that I was considered weird; that something was wrong with me. I think I knew that very early. Basically as far back as I can remember. I just don't remember ever feeling that I was popular or likable. Yes, I have and had friends, but never close friends.

 

[Jordy]

I don't really remember when I realized that I was considered weird; that something was wrong with me. I think I knew that very early. Basically as far back as I can remember. I just don't remember ever feeling that I was popular or likable. Yes, I have and had friends, but never close friends.

I knew i was weird for years, but still thought i was likable despite being weird, or could possible be normal if i tried.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

As a teen, especially, I could never see who did or did not like me. I felt judged by everybody, so it was an issue of not trusting others unless proven otherwise. That made it impossible for me to even ask for help that I never recognized I needed. My life then was a cluster-(family blog) of dysfunction. I understand @Thinx about isolation. On top of feeling neglected and devalued, my body image and self concept suffered from being a virgin until late in my 20s. That made it evident that I could not understand signals of like or dislike. It was difficult to overcome all this.

 

[aspie1w]

I felt everyone did judged me , well also when was at high school never wondered or were on my mind about autism spectrum at all, so i tried to effort me a lot but in areas where i was weak just could not help at all but well, tried to use the intelligence to at least get something at change.

 

[Aspychata]

Truthfully, l remember being so overwhelmed with school, the social thing, the clothes, that l could never even get to where l sat in the hierarchy of the popular list. I was incredibly shy with a school bus size of low self-esteem. I had zero friends in high school but drama class made feel part of the school in a great way. And l had 4 teachers that really were positive about my talents. Shout out to my history, English, drama, and commercial art teacher. I had a school where they gave us video cameras and said film a short film. I think l was too busy! The Mattahatan Transfer performed before they became really big at one of my schools. So l guess having no friends didn't bother me.

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

of course not everyone hates me, some people just think im funny, some people pity me and other think im creepy.

Sounds like me too.

Soon after I started school and the rejection started, I noticed another boy who received similar rejection. Looking back, it certainly seems he was autistic also. At the time, I was puzzled by how we were so different but faced the same level of rejection. I was the quiet type and he was the louder type. I suppose we were equal in social ineptitude and odd behavior. I think we were in the same gym class once. The dilemma was who to pick last for teams. I understand now how horrible my hand eye coordination is, so it's no surprise they picked me last .

I think the rejection was at it's worst right from the start of school. For me masking by keeping a low profile probably enabled to pickup some friends, often other aspies and others in need of friends.

 

[Suzette]

When I was in grade school we lived in Los Angeles and my school was mostly E.S.L. The native english speakers could always be counted to buddy up because there were few of us. It was the perfect opportunity to become fluent in Spanish but I never could understand it. (I have since figured out that I process spoken language more slowly)
Any way when we moved to a small town I figured out very quickly I just couldn't fit in. There were a few kids who were kind to me but I did not have friends.

 

[Wolfnox]

Definitely outcast in school. Bullied greatly. Small indent in my left leg bone to prove it. Kicked by steel toe boots under lunch table for a long time.
Never liked school or people in it. But, had some connections anyway. Including some who fought on my behalf against others.