When keeping quiet about being an aspie is wise

[Suzanne]

I shared with some people I know, something that was troubling me.

Basically, this married man has taken an interest in me. He has calmed down now, but he would follow me around, which was rather disconcerting. Oh not stalking. It was in a building and we were not alone. I would turn around and he was behind me, wanting to talk to me. He also tried to take a photo of me, but I am phobic about them and wouldn't comply with him. I had already thought it strange that his wife never said hello to me and am afraid, I find it hard to approach some people.

Well, it came to the catharsis when she was in a group of people I feel particularly comfortable with and we do hug, but she was there and I felt obliged to hug her, but the look on her face, told me plainly she did not like me. Baring in mind, she has never spoken to me. Her look was not subtle, so I could read it clearly. Since then, when I see her, she blanks me out and I had to come to the conclusion it is related to how her husband is with me. He is now very good, but when I recently saw him, I noted he was looking at me rather intensity. I want to say: because of you, your wife doesn't like me. But refrain.

I know the advise is to forget and get on, but sadly, it is not my make up to do so. In fact, I dread seeing her now.

Anyway, when I related this to some, I go and mention that I have asoergers and now that is going against me. I am reading her wrong etc etc. But what they fail to realise is that I have learned, up to a certain point, to read expressions. Yes, I get confused still and got confused with her attitude, unti, it hit me that she is jealous, which I find very difficult to get my head around.

Since I know I have asoergers, I think I best be a bit quieted about it from now on, for some will use it against.

 

[Nao]

Suzanne I wouldn't worry too much whether she likes you or not. Who knows what goes on in their relationship, maybe he likes to wind her up by saying he finds you attractive but you could go on speculating the reasons for their behaviour. Maybe she's had to deal with him playing around before but neither of them are your problem so try not to dwell on it. Just remember you've done nothing wrong and it's not your fault she's married a creep!
There is an awful lot of ignorance about Asperger's, sometimes it's only really worth mentioning to those who already have a understanding of it.
You sound like a nice person so try not to worry what other people think too much.

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne I wouldn't worry too much whether she likes you or not. Who knows what goes on in their relationship, maybe he likes to wind her up by saying he finds you attractive but you could go on speculating the reasons for their behaviour. Maybe she's had to deal with him playing around before but neither of them are your problem so try not to dwell on it. Just remember you've done nothing wrong and it's not your fault she's married a creep!
There is an awful lot of ignorance about Asperger's, sometimes it's only really worth mentioning to those who already have a understanding of it.
You sound like a nice person so try not to worry what other people think too much.

I sincerely wish I could, but it never gets better for me, especially when there is open hostility. I can cope with basic coutesy but not out right rudeness

 

[Beverly]

Some people in the world are going to dislike you for foolish reasons, even when there is nothing wrong with you. Maybe they don't like your hair, you eyes, just the way you look or walk, the natural pitch of your voice, the style of shoes you wear, that you are friends with so and so, that you aren't friends with so and so, whatever.

So long as you know you've done nothing negative toward them, all you can do is let them hate. There will always be haters and, haters are going to hate. We can't spend our lives trying to make the whole world like us. That will never happen so, we have to simply let the haters hate and get on with living life and, being cordially polite to the haters when we have to be in the same group with them or, have to work with them or, otherwise interact with them.

I know it isn't easy to stop trying to fix it but, you can't fix anyone buy yourself and, you can't change how anyone reacts to anything except how you react. Deal with yourself and, let others do what they will do.