When the S/O is your life-raft...

[ChrisC1983]

sounds like you have a great husband.... i can really only imagine but i know how things SHOULD be in my life (just an inability to get them that way) and having somebody that supportive would be phenomenal for me. i wish i could find somebody like that, or atleast somebody who wouldn't be as hindering as my family is.

thankfully i've never been to a wedding.. i've been asked if i wanted to go, but there's no way in hell i'm saying yes unless it's my own (and i really wouldn't want to even then). frankly i don't even like going food shopping unless i can time it during the slowest times possible (not near a holiday unless it's the day after said holiday.. not the first few days of the month due to foodstamp/welfare recipients (more people, don't care how they're buying the food, the checks generally come in on the 1st week of each month).. not a friday or monday or weekends, not after 1pm.....).. basically, tuesday-thursday before 12am is best. unless it's near a school that has half days then take out that particular day.. and not one near a mall if at all possible (parking lot traffic.. they just piss me off).............. and i have rules like that for everything. although i don't get to act on any of those rules so instead i keep myself on auto pilot with a lot of stress 24/7

now, on extremely rare occasions (if i thought about it, i'm going to say less than 10x in my life) i've had somebody around who was in the right mood to be helpful and supportive (family.. i dont date, don't socialize, too scared to go to meetup.com kinda stuff so i'm pretty much going to die alone at this point..) and during those times, i was fine. all the stars magically aligned and i was able to go somewhere, be relaxed, enjoy myself, and not be stressed out by my family while doing it.... but those times have been so long ago at this point i could have dreamt them. i have a few dreams (i know were dreams) that are still in my mind as if they were factual events

 

[Beverly]

Maelstrom Oh I'm working on avenues that will allow me to do more - a lot more and, on a lot bigger scale than my own backyard. I'm not ready to make the details public yet, but I and the others involved will make a difference and, more will have the opportunity to get involved once I get more of the groundwork laid.

 

[Maelstrom]

Hi Beverly ,once you realize the the meaning of life and Gods ways are kindness, then your personal compass can guide you through all fake, self serving, usery, and stupid games, and traditions. In some ways a child sees things more clearly...as it all comes down to being nice, and not being nice, and taking time to remember think on ways to be more nice...there is your real Holy law. When you see it through the eyes of a child, it doesn't look like such a burden, but more of a blessing. My best wishes to you Beverly, I'm trying my best over here too, I'm no saint, but I do my best. Mael

P.S. I'm working on a sort of non denominational music thing here...not sure anyone will like it it is very different...but music seems to be the only thing people will listen to anymore. I prefer stories and books more but it seems like they may just get lost in the shuffle of life.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Yeah, the south is not pleasant, especially if you happen to be unfortunate enough to be considered gentry, or even new gentry. It's no more forgiving than my public life was, as I learned the hard way after moving down here. People are very cliquish and, they do not readily welcome outsiders nor differences.

I've made a place in the local hierarchy but only because I was fortunate enough to befriend a former senator soon after moving here.

He happens to own half of the road I live on, the other have is owned by another gentry family and, my daughter married into that family a year after I moved here thus, bringing me into one of the old gentry families.

Basically gentry gets away with anything while the lower classes suffer under them and, were it not for two fortunate turns of fate, I'd still be fighting for my place here, as it is, I'm accepted, respected and otherwise ignored which is nice. Of course that is conditional on me attending the "proper" events and, being respectably sociable to the rest of the gentry when we do meet, and verbally upholding the feud between the two families on this road. Privately friends with both, publicly denouncing the senator's family and disliking their business practices. As I am oft reminded, the Hatfield's and McCoy's are still feuding, just the names have changed.

Now actually acting as if you have ASD in public, well that's instant relegation to the lower ranks regardless of birth or marriage, as is any other non physical perceived problem or deficiency. The only escape is, as it is for celebrities, rehab and apparently cured, or at the least corrected properly.

Most here still think mental illness AD(H)D, ASD etc.. are simply bad parenting and a firmer hand would or would have corrected the problem. I know better but undoing deep rooted "Southern Wisdom" is next to impossible. Unfortunately for kids here, very often parents attempt to correct them via the firmer hand method. I can only imagine that growing up under that would be no better than my own less than stellar childhood.

Beverly, yup, I'm on a mountaintop in the rural south. The weather is changeable, temperate and pleasant. The mountains are ancient, a bit worn down and stable, but not majestic, like me, my home is young Jedi Diva.
I know this fellow that has been in a neighboring town for 45 years and is still called the "new guy".
So considering the fact that I am a very loud and proud Asper living in the world that is 6000years old, where people rode dinosaurs and entire families are extinct due to snake bites at church I am quite happy on my mountaintop, unless I must visit the Walmartians and deal with the mundanes.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Hi kblackbird, a lot of what you said sounded very, very familiar.

We talk a lot. Vastly, compared to my past relationships. We are very comfortable with being extremely open with each other, and it sometimes surprises people. We try different things, and I am willing to put myself through my worst fears just for him.

He's not NT, not really sure what the term would be for him. He lacks physical feeling for many things, has some Aspie traits, has some sociopathic traits (like at the wedding - he doesn't like social gatherings but they don't scare him, or make him anxious, or make him feel claustrophobic, etc. He feels null, but would rather be home reading/gaming). He's ridiculously intelligent but can also fit in really well.

Mine's sort of like that. I sometimes wonder if he isn't on the spectrum himself, with a titanium mask. It's easy to think you're his good buddy, and he's genuinely easy-going on the surface; he'll pitch in with anything; and I don't think many people get to the bottom of him. He is, as yours is, ridiculously intelligent and fits in easily.

I guess I'm paranoid about what others are thinking, I'm hypersensitive and over-vigilant around most people.

That's how I would describe myself, if I'd thought about it.

It's sometimes in the morning, sometimes during shutdowns, but the most common instance for me is what my sister and I have termed "zoning". She and I both do it, and it consists of staring unblinkingly at no particular thing with no speaking. Admittedly, it feels amazing on, well, on all levels. It's both calming and has the same effect as satisfaction/pleasure/happiness...

So not-speaking isn't an unpleasant experience for me, it isn't because of pains (unless mental pain of a shutdown). Being jolted from not-speaking-ness is what is most unpleasant, because it's a brainspace.

Yes! Well-put.