Who else doesn't want kids?

[Adora]

No, I never wanted kids for 4 basic reasons:

Fear of childbirth and associated pain
Fear of responsibility - not being a good mother, not being able to meet the child's needs, not being able to bond as a mother should.
I seem to have no maternal intincts
Sensory difficulties: crying, noise, smells.

I too have a fear of childbirth aswell and also worrying that I will not be a good mother and not do the normal mother stuff aswell,even though I have these fears I still like children but I just feel like I would let my own child down and not be the mother that he or she deserves.

 

[Slithytoves]

I never wanted kids even when I was a kid. I didn't like dolls or babies. Still don't.

I decided when I was quite young that I wouldn't be a very good parent. I looked around at all of the parents I considered "bad", and I had too many similar traits. Fickle, distracted, selfish, impatient, etc. So starting in my mid-twenties, I went looking for a doctor who would perform a tubal ligation, because I wasn't about to leave conception up to chance. I didn't find any takers until I was 35. No physician wanted the liability of performing a sterilization procedure on an unmarried woman with no kids who had many years of reproductive potential left. I can't even count how many insulting lectures I got from male OB/GYNs.

The doctor who finally performed my surgery was both responsible and compassionate. He asked me to wait six months from the time I first requested the procedure, and when I came back with the same determination, he consented to do it. No lectures at any stage. He just explained his ethical and legal concerns forthrightly, and also that tubal ligation in a woman who hasn't had children can result in painful cysts on reproductive organs. He even waived all charges for my initial consultation, to show he was being cool about it all.

I did develop cysts, but they're nothing compared to my relief at not having to worry about getting pregnant and the moral dilemma that would follow. I have never once regretted my decision. I only wish more people would recognize what crappy parents they would be and make the same choice I did.

 

[nyxjord]

+1 to the above poster with regard to your last sentence. That's my other issue with the decision to reproduce.

 

[Joel I]

I strongly do not want children! I feel this planet is well overpopulated with Homo sapiens and often share my views. Unfortunately my ex did want kids, I just got into another relationship and he is unsure. It does seem to be a sticking point and I have no idea how to fix.

 

[sapphire73]

Never had any desire for children, I don't think I have a mothering instinct although i love baby animals, maybe that's where my mothering instinct is?!

 

[deathgrip]

Hooray! a group of people that agree on NOT BREEDING! Holy lord, do we need humans to be like this in general!

The problem is too many of you who are smart, are choosing to not have kids which unfortunately means the idiots are over populating the world


i did not want kids.
i have one kid by myself, and lucky for me she is pretty mellow. Either that or i am really good at basic parenting. I do not have a want or need to be married and give half of my household decision making to someone else plus all the other issues that come along with it.
not logical to me.

i can tollarate other kids if i have to (my friend has a son that she plays with and is good when visiting) but for the most part i dont care for other peoples kids or other people.
i dont hate people (k maybe a little bit, sue me) they just annoy,and confuse the hell out of me, and most of thw time i think other parents just outright suck and i disagree with their stupid points of views more often than ever.
i dont care to stand around and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk, i am very involved on the playground and just dont give a crap about chatting. The playground is time for being a parent.
i really hate seeing a large group of grazing sows on their cell phones texting while their kids are being completely ignored.
once i had to help a kid get down from a playground bridge because his stupid mom and her annoying friends were too self absorbed to even acknowledge him asking for help.
it amazes the **** out of me.

When you have kids it opens up a new level of hatred towards humans.
one i did not have until i had a child.
Dont do it.

 

[Asperganoid]

I'm just curious, how many people are out there who don't have an interest in having kids? I'm one of them.

I'm too selfish for children, it would be unfair to subject them to that! But also, there's just no desire for them.

I had an NT friend of mine tell me that that would send men (in my case) running the other direction. Do people here agree with that? If you were a guy, and your girlfriend/romantic interest said kids were a no-go, would you look for love elsewhere?

I'm really interested in what everyone has to say. I want to know what guys are thinking about what I say and do.

I have no interest in having kids.

I think a guy would leave a woman that doesn't want kids because he WANTS kids. it's a rather powerful desire (wanting kids), I say this from observation, of course. people who want kids seem rather desperate to have some. not that i'm judging, but they get rather touchy when they find out you don't want any.

it wouldn't make sense to stick around in a relationship in which one wants something the other doesn't. so the question kind of kills itself; (just an observation/thought).

 

[nyxjord]

I have no interest in having kids.

I think a guy would leave a woman that doesn't want kids because he WANTS kids. it's a rather powerful desire (wanting kids), I say this from observation, of course. people who want kids seem rather desperate to have some. not that i'm judging, but they get rather touchy when they find out you don't want any.

it wouldn't make sense to stick around in a relationship in which one wants something the other doesn't. so the question kind of kills itself; (just an observation/thought).

I actually am quite lucky in this: my fiance has two kids with his ex wife and the kids are still young so thankfully, he got that need to procreate and pass on his genes, out of his system before we got together. We've both agreed that those two are more than enough and we don't need our own.

 

[Naomi]

I think it's good enough to just be a cool aunt for my nephew. If I do have kids, it would either be through adoption, or, if my (theoretical) partner wanted to, she could be the pregnant one. I don't want anything to do with a biological pregnancy for myself. The pain, the physical changes, the weakness, the sickness. Just no.

I don't dislike kids, actually. They learn so much, so quickly, it's kinda amazing. Which is why I'm excited to be an aunt - I can't wait til my nephew starts reading.

 

[GenesisD]

Hey. I just joined and am pretty relieved to see a group like this... I definitely have no interest in children myself and am quite often questioned a whole lot over it.... I know of many aspies online who have kids and use that as a symbol of how normal we can be.... but frankly, I've always sort of resented that mindset. ... because it's just reinforces the whole notion of not having kids = some sort of failure as an adult. And obviously, as I'm sure others here know, is far from the truth. In terms of myself, I'd rather spend my life pursuing whatever interests (or more aptly put) and my little obsessions than trying to accommodate a kid for years on end.... I frequently tell people that I could not relate to kids when I was one.... so why would I unnecessarily introduce that dynamic into my life now.... besides, I much prefer pets.... didn't mean to get on a tangent. ... but this topic hits home for me and it's my first post on this site... so um, hi. Lol.

 

[Aster]

Never ever do I want to have children. Its a source of fear for me when I'm in a relationship, the possibility of my partner being pregnant. I'm feeling similarly about that vasectomy statement Spencer.

 

[Annayoung]

I too have a fear of childbirth aswell and also worrying that I will not be a good mother and not do the normal mother stuff aswell,even though I have these fears I still like children but I just feel like I would let my own child down and not be the mother that he or she deserves.

I feel the exact same way & it is heart breaking I will miss out on the lovely relationship between mother & child. If I met someone & ( it was really serious )he wanted children I would probably give them to him.
Life has so many wonderful things to smile about & I feel like this is one of them I'm going to miss out on ..

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I'm just curious, how many people are out there who don't have an interest in having kids? I'm one of them.

I'm too selfish for children, it would be unfair to subject them to that! But also, there's just no desire for them.

If you were a guy, and your girlfriend/romantic interest said kids were a no-go, would you look for love elsewhere?

I want to know what guys are thinking about what I say and do.

If you were also good looking and had a good personality, then I'd be sold on you (ditto on the selfishness)

I have no interest in kids having kids whatsoever... and I'll leave it at that, since anything else I could say that revolves around procreation and birth will offend a whole lot of people here.

I think we all needed to hear that actually, not saying why would be a very NT thing to do, plus many of us can probably echo what you're thinking. PM me perhaps if you want, it's a relief to know I'm not the only one.

it's mostly the sensory issues and the fact that I just don't like kids (or anyone else, for that matter) touching me or touching my stuff, and it really stresses me out if they get too close - especially little kids that suck their own hands or put everything in their mouth, and haven't yet learned what the toilet is for...

I absolutely relate on the 'no touching my stuff' thing.

There's a name for this - tokophobia.

Very Interesting!!

Hey. I just joined and am pretty relieved to see a group like this... I definitely have no interest in children myself and am quite often questioned a whole lot over it.... I know of many aspies online who have kids and use that as a symbol of how normal we can be.... but frankly, I've always sort of resented that mindset. ... because it's just reinforces the whole notion of not having kids = some sort of failure as an adult. And obviously, as I'm sure others here know, is far from the truth. In terms of myself, I'd rather spend my life pursuing whatever interests (or more aptly put) and my little obsessions than trying to accommodate a kid for years on end.... I frequently tell people that I could not relate to kids when I was one.... so why would I unnecessarily introduce that dynamic into my life now.... besides, I much prefer pets.... didn't mean to get on a tangent. ... but this topic hits home for me and it's my first post on this site... so um, hi. Lol.

Wow, you're beautiful and insightful and the bit I highlighted in bold really does sound truthful to me. Um did I mention you were beautiful....?

Ok so I couldn't possibly read everyone's posts, but I like this topic and conversation so I had to comment. The last time in my life that I ever wanted kids was when I was under the age of 7 playing mummies and daddies, the rest ends there. Why- well my life is totally governed by the greatest times in my life (many of which were as a kid, with me being a 26yr old going on 14) but kids are the total opposite of me (they speak when they shouldn't, embarrass you in public, can say/do things that other people seem to find so adorable (don't get me started on little babies...awwww> ), are needy and require supervision, need to be taught everything and will question explicit instructions not to do something etc). I loved myself as a kid, but I am unable to be that person again (try as I might) and kids running around in circles whilst you pretend that their so-called talent IS WONDERFUL "WEHAAAY, WELL DONE (not)" isn't my cup of tea. I'm just too serious and rigid now and have been since I was 16 or 17.

 

[NTgirl4276]

I am NT and am fairly certain I never want to have children, for a whole variety of reasons. Strangely enough, I'm probably 100% what people think of when they picture a "good mother"--i'm very affectionate, nurturing, often selfless (to a fault! seriously, it's not a good trait), good at planning ahead and staying organized, great listener, good at offering reasonable advice and comfort, responsible, etc. Most people laugh at me and do the patronizing, incredibly offensive "Just you wait and see" thing when I say I'm not planning to have kids.

I can't wrap my head around any good reasons to have my own biological children; the "we need to procreate" argument does nothing for me because 1) we certainly already have more than enough people in the world; and 2) the we in "we need to procreate" seems sort of self-centered to me. Do I really think I am such an awesome human that I should definitely pass on these set of genes and create a half-duplicate version of myself? For what purpose? Just so I might have someone to care about me and take care of me in my old age, so that I might not die alone? (I'm genuinely sorry if any of this offends anyone, by the way. I know having children makes sense for a lot of people, but for whatever reason, I can't seem to rationalize it.)

Plus, I generally find children to be boring and nonsensical in a way that really irritates me. I could maybe have kids if I could skip childbirth (which just seems like some insane cosmic joke. A 10cm hole? Are you kidding me?) and ages 3-17.

It's been a dealbreaker on more than one occasion. I can't date someone who is absolutely certain they want to have children, know how many they want, and when exactly they want them; it makes me feel like they're looking for a little baby incubator, not a partner. And, plenty of men have been turned off when I reveal (usually pretty early on in dating, because it weeds out the non-contenders more efficiently) that I don't see children in my future.

 

[Annayoung]

This forum thread reminds me of True Detective. Since none of us seem comfortable with life we don't want to create it.

That's a pretty smart observation there .

 

[IContainMultitudes]

I thought some might appreciate this article, I really dislike how much pressure women are under to reproduce even if they don't want to, which men seem to mostly get a pass on (it's very rare that anyone has ever asked me why I don't have children and why I don't want them).

Family: Why I Don't Want to Become a Mother

 

[yesithinkso]

I really do want kids and I've imagined myself being a single mom. However, I'm fairly certain I won't be around in about ten years and I just think it's rather irresponsible for me to do what I want.

 

[Moviefan2k4]

I've pretty much decided I don't want kids. Sometimes, I think of what having a daughter would be like...but usually, I revert to my original stance. I'm in no way prepared to be a parent - emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or financially. I'm almost 35 years old, living with my sister, and don't really seek social interaction that much. The main reason is my fear of rejection; I've suffered lots of emotional abuse and don't wish to repeat it. This conflicts with my very real desire to be married, because I've grown so tired of being and feeling alone. My mother passed away almost 2 months ago, and I feel so messed up over it.

 

[Samantha17]

I'm just curious, how many people are out there who don't have an interest in having kids? I'm one of them.

I'm too selfish for children, it would be unfair to subject them to that! But also, there's just no desire for them.

I had an NT friend of mine tell me that that would send men (in my case) running the other direction. Do people here agree with that? If you were a guy, and your girlfriend/romantic interest said kids were a no-go, would you look for love elsewhere?

I'm really interested in what everyone has to say. I want to know what guys are thinking about what I say and do.

I always told people on or before (when we met online) the first date that I can't and no desire to have children. Because I was in my mid-30's at the time and that is when many people start realizing their time is running out if they want kids, it didn't seem fair/logical to not let them know off the bat. I didn't want to waste their time or fall for someone who wanted a different life than I did. Some walked away when they knew, but no more than ran from my directness Worked perfectly though, because I found my husband who doesn't want kids either.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I had two kids really enjoyed raising them would like to have had more society did not encourage this at least not employers, both of us had to work ideally one more would helped us do our part now it looks like population decline is the next major issue the planet has to concern itself with.