Why am I so forgetful.

[Dwoops]

So I'm really stressed out right now. I am a sophomore in college, who lives in the dorms, and I just found out that I missed the deadline for applying for housing next year. I honestly don't know how I forgot it, especially since it closed 20 DAYS AGO. I seem to be so forgetful yet I remember so many little things that don't matter. I can remember the craziest things yet I don't remember to do so many things that I need to do. I often forget to do things like shower, brush my teeth, eat, test dates/times(haven't missed one though, luckily), responding to emails, etc. This is the first time I've really forgotten something this big, usually I have others that constantly remind me, but recently I have not had anyone to do that. I feel like this is making my life so much harder and is probably contributing to a lot of my stress. I guess I would like some input, but I honestly just don't know what to do. I feel like I can't handle being an adult.
I would appreciate any input and I would like to know if other people are generally forgetful as well. (please don't say, "Don't freak out," that won't help me.)
Thanks.

 

[the_tortoise]

I am the same way.

Once I forgot to pay my phone bill for 3 months straight and didn't realize I had forgotten even a single month. I only became aware of how long it had been when my phone suddenly didn't work because my service had been cut of.....actually I didn't even realize it then, it was only when I got in touch with them to find out what was going on and they informed me I was 3 months behind on my bills. I paid them all right then, all was fixed...but I was similarly shocked and could not understand how I could have forgotten something so important -- and for so long/so many times.

I now pay virtually all of my bills automatically so this doesn't happen.

If you can (and think it might be useful) maybe set yourself multiple reminders for important things, leading up to them. If you are worried you will start to tune them out, make some of them into alarms on your phone set for irregular frequencies (or increasing frequency as the time/date draws closer) and with different wording or a different tone -- or for written/picture/object reminders, write them differently (different colors or pictures, different sized text, different location on the page, etc.) in a calendar or planner, or move the sticky note or object a little bit each time, or to a different place entirely -- this is so that your brain views the reminders as something more novel and worthy of attending to (as opposed to something you've seen/heard every day in the same place/at the same time, and can therefore not really pay attention to). .

 

[Suzanne]

Oh wow, is there anyway that you can rectify the situation with the housing?

Anyway, I use my S Planner on my samsung phone and find it is invalable to me. Even though I have my phone on silence, when I go to my phone, it is right there, like a beacon: you have an appointment today at such and such time etc.

Ok, so it takes a bit of an effort to get details down; but it sure will solve your problems in this regard.

 

[Progster]

I have a diary wher I write things down, or I keep post it notes and bills on the table as visual reminders of things that need to be done. If I need to remember to take something with me when I go out, I place that thing in front of the door so I literally can't leave the house without seeing it and taking it with me.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

out, I place that thing in front of the door so I literally can't leave the house without seeing it and taking it with me

Similar. If I dont see it, it doesn't exist...

Which is why I tend to leave things lying around..

Which my wife absolutely loves

 

[WereBear]

If our brains are overstressed, things don't get to the proper places.

To finish college I went full time and had a full time job and commuted my last semester. One batch of bills was stuck in a bookcase instead of getting paid.

Now I am more careful about over-scheduling myself.

 

[Bella Pines]

I think that this type of forgetfulness is an aspie thing.

Our brains seem to work in a way that we absorb a gazillion small facts and form them into patterns. I can remember small snippets of conversation from years ago but yet I will forget to pay my electric bill. I will be able to recall every mention of a topic that interests me, be it from colleagues or on the news, but yet I will forget to put on my shoes before I leave the house. In fact once I put on one of my shoes and one of my husbands shoes (4 sizes bigger than mine) and didn't notice for about an hour. I can remember ALL the marvel characters ever created but don't remember the name of the guy that sits next to me at work. But he has only been there a year....

So when it comes to the things we forget, which I think seem to be mundane life things, medium term (1 hour to 1 week say), then we have to assume it will happen and introduce coping mechanisms. My favorites are

• Postit notes around the house, trivial things like "don't forget to close the fridge" or "remember to take lunch"
• Google keep .. which I check every day
• Outlook calendar .. which I check every day
• My hand. Which unfortunately I wash so I need to get stronger marker pens...

But I always write everything down regardless, even if I am sure I will remember it. It's just a habit I've formed. And actually I would be interested to read other coping mechanisms...

Oh, and don't freak out

 

[Ragnahawk]

The forgetfulness is due to that narrow focus of ours. Our brains are priotizing based on our interests. While we hyper focus there is little data on events other than our focus. My mini theory is that with brains the more you think one way the more the neural pathways widen that are used, and the less used ones remain closed. I haven't thought of any more suitable explanations for it. For me I forget all of the time with the exception of something that was interesting. I generally try to complete a task before I can forget, make the situation easier to figure out (use deductive reasoning) or set reminders.

 

[Judge]

Working memory problems are just another consideration of executive functioning skills or deficits. Some Aspies are more prone to forgetfulness than others.

And as previously mentioned above by Ragnahawk, having a very narrow, intense focus of things can also cause one to forget even the most critical things at times. It happens.

When it comes to bills and payments, I periodically look at my checkbook entries, just to reassure myself of the pattern of paying regular bills relative to whatever part of the month it may be at any given time. That plus I always check my mailbox at least every other day.

 

[Gritches]

I don't trust my memory at all. That's why I use things like lists for stuff that needs to be done today/tomorrow/by Friday, and a calendar for events further in the future. Responsibilities suck, I figure that's why I don't remember them.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

but yet I will forget to put on my shoes before I leave the house. In fact once I put on one of my shoes and one of my husbands shoes (4 sizes bigger than mine) and didn't notice for about an hour

That is supreme. Cant even get close.
Trousers not done up, covered in food (house trousers big deal)
Slippers
Is the best i can do.

Its like joining MENSA with a complimentary membership of DENSA..

Google keep .. which I check every day

I use google inbox, as you can set reminders and all the google keep reminders show up in it.

 

[tducey]

I forget things as well. Helps to keep a list. Do you have a cell phone? Be like me and text yourself reminders, I do it with my weekly grocery list and find that helps.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I am very forgetful, too, and there's only one thing that helps me overcome it: Do It Now.

If someone says, "Sometime, could you [do this thing]?", if it's possible for me to do it right now, I will do it right now. Because then, I don't have to worry about forgetting it.

I set reminders in my phone to do things later, but too often, when the reminder comes up, I think "Oh, I'll just set another reminder to do that later." And then I forget to set the other reminder and days pass without me doing that thing. So, Do It Now is still really the only thing that works for me.

 

[Judge]

Being absent-minded when your mind is crowded with other things seems entirely understandable.

Then again with old age when you forget unimportant, incidental things that is bothering the hell outta me at the moment. Where I deliberately fixate on it like a dog with a bone, until I remember what I forgot.

Like coriander and .....and.....and....dammit I forgot that one again. Because I don't normally use it. Uh.....uh....CILANTRO! Ok, that took about three minutes to recall.

I suppose the only real consolation at the moment is that I seldom forget anything truly important.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Yep. Been there. Done that. Forgot to buy the t-shirt. Forgetfulness was a constant bane of my existence for much of my life. I finally solved this problem buy using my Outlook calendar for work and Google calendar for personal stuff. I set the task/event and the due date with a reminder alert that gives me enough time to get ready. My work calendar is linked to my smartphone, in case I need to dress appropriately for a work function. That way I can get ready the night before.

I even have alerts for mundane stuff like taking out the trash on Sunday and Wednesday nights (for Monday and Thursday early pickup). Both calendars allow for recurring tasks, so I use those, too. If it's not on one of my calendars, I can promise you that I will forget to do it/be there.

Recently, I learned to keep a running grocery list on Evernote. As I run out of something or think of something I might need/want, I type it in the note. By the time I get to the store, I know exactly what I need to buy.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I even have alerts for mundane stuff like taking out the trash on Sunday and Wednesday nights (for Monday and Thursday early pickup

Tick. This is my favorite addition to my reminder system.

My habit was trying to work out what day it was with my mind. Now the garbage is sorted there is much more time to relax

 

[LucyPurrs]

Gosh I guess I need to learn more technology. I use an old fashioned calendar on which I write things down and shopping and to do lists. Aspies don't corner the market on being forgetful.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Tick. This is my favorite addition to my reminder system.

My habit was trying to work out what day it was with my mind. Now the garbage is sorted there is much more time to relax

I wouldn't even get to that point. I would smell something horrible in the garage that reminded me of a rotting corpse and would realize that I forgot to take out the trash several days ago.

 

[LucyPurrs]

I wouldn't even get to that point. I would smell something horrible in the garage that reminded me of a rotting corpse and would realize that I forgot to take out the trash several days ago.

This was funny enough to inspire me to post a new suggestion thread. This is funny x2.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

If you think that's funny, you should see the face I made when I walked through the garage.