Why are people obsessed with love?

[Jojo_LB]

@inkfingers , perhaps you are aromantic? I don't know if you've heard of that term. Aromantics don't feel any sort of romantic feelings towards other people. Not saying you have to take the label or any label at all, just pointing out that there are a lot of people who just don't get romantic feelings for others.

I confess, it took me a very long time to learn what true romantic love really is. Sure, I used to have crushes and stuff in elementary school and high school. I found dating to be really weird. I didn't enjoy dating at all until I met my current husband when I was 28. I have only ever been in love with two people (with one of them, my ex-husband, the relationship wasn't even healthy and there were red flags from the start, so I don't know if I can classify that as "true love" ) and the other one is my current husband.

I definitely never understood the love songs that were popular on the radio (I don't know what's on the radio these days, I don't listen anymore.). They made love sound so boring and unrealistic! lol I don't know, that's just my opinion though. People really love the feeling of being in love. I agree that it's a great feeling, but if my husband and I were to ever part ways, I don't think I will get to experience it again. As I get older, I get more set in my ways and I already keep people at a distance that is safe for me, emotionally. And I'm fine with that possibility.

For many like us, romantic love is extremely rare, if it happens at all. It seems that you don't really care to experience that kind of thing right now, and that's totally OK. You already have a lot of love in your life. You're also still really young, so you never know what may be in store for you in the future. Maybe you will get to experience romantic love. Maybe you won't.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm allergic to love songs myself. It's just tiring. I found that out when watching Eurovision, since I am properly shielded from subhuman crap music in my day-to-day life. Don't get me wrong, some of the songs were actually good (surprising). But they pretty much all were of the genre I call "Cuck pop". Like one guy literally had lyrics like "I'm nothing without you". Duuuuuude... you need an intervention.

Why? Lowest common denominator. The vast majority of the world is too stupid to appreciate a song about Gastropods.

 

[tree]

 

[tlc]

I think the reason most songs are about love is it's the easiest thing for most people to write about. Some people are naturally able to write good lyrics about anything. But I hear with many artists that their best writing comes during times of emotional turmoil. Which is usually lost love.

 

[Thinx]

Yes, but that doesnt mean that every song everywhere has to be about nothing BUT that.

Hell, I've often wondered the same thing as the OP.

I've said this before elsewhere, but there seem to be three, and ONLY three, subjects that a song can be about:

1. Love
2. Relationships
3. How great some guy's girlfriend is

And that's it. That's IT. Nobody sings about things that arent those things. Hell, when I hear these, it honestly just makes the songwriters sound mildly desperate to me... like if they sing about it enough, they'll finally get a mate. Like one of those birds that doesnt shut the bloody hell up in the morning. I know that's not ACTUALLY the case (er... okay I guess I dont know that completely for sure) but that's the perception of it that I always get.

As it is, I end up avoiding music entirely. Just... bleh. BLEH. You could seriously have a "song" where the "music" is just a bunch of random kitchen utensils being thrown at a wall, with some guy screaming "ROACHES IN THE WAAAAALLLLLS!!!!" at the top of his lungs over and over for lyrics, and it'd be more appealing than the swarm of love songs to me.



Now that all being said, in an overall sense, I think this is one of those topics that some of us simply dont "get" and probably never will. Spectrum, and all, you know. Like, I've never been in love myself. Never will be. The mere concept of romantic interest in anyone is utterly baffling to me. No... "disturbing" is more the right word. Just... ugh. Just thinking about it makes me want to take a shower to clean off. Thinking about things like people kissing is even worse (I genuinely cant even look at someone who is doing that). Just... uuuuugh. I at least have to go wash my hands after typing all of this.

And I know I'm not the only one on the spectrum that doesnt "get it". Which is probably a little frustrating for those that DO get it, I imagine... er... maybe.

Where am I going with any of this? I dont know. I havent had my blasted caffeine yet.

Search for the hero inside yourself is a good song that isn't about love. Billy Bragg writes some songs that are political as well as love songs. The Eagles There's a hole in the world tonight, and, Candle in the wind Elton John, aren't about romantic love. However most songs are, I agree

 

[tree]

I figure the preponderance of songs about "love" is
similar to the sounds emitted by other animals.

Birds sing...to attract mates and establish territory. Mammals
have calls for the same activities, and humans are mammalian
animals.

 

[Mia]

It's likely that the concept of 'love' is to maintain the status quo in society's best interests. To keep males and females in relationships, and have children. So that they work and buy the things they are supposed to have, car, home.
So that their children go to school, and do similar things after them, generation after generation and keep the industrial machine of society functioning. The home builders, the food makers and growers, to name a few.
Without the concept of love, people might be less inclined to become part of a societal structure. They might go off and live off the land, or eschew society altogether or become tribal again. They might not live in cities, or aspire to the things society requires.
If the concept of love didn't exist, certain types of societies would collapse, as would the wealthy groups who make a great deal of money from them.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

because we're hardwired to pair-bond as humans.

 

[100skerls]

Now that I’m thinking about it a lot of songs or the vast majority of my playlists are not about love. Most of them are about other things like growing up, or missing the west coast, coming home, or just a mish mash of silly childish words seemingly thrown together into a song. Actually my favorite song lately is called aphasia and it’s about being able to finally talk unfiltered after feeling unable for a long time.
Romantic love is great, but I think I prefer songs about other things mostly.

 

[Nauti]

As a songwriter/performance artist (currently on a long winded sabbatical), I think one of the reasons, on top of the excellent lines of reasoning mentioned above, is because the strong emotions that are evoked by eros and passion and heartbreak are things that songwriters find easy to write lyrics about. I am more of a political, "SJW" (but not the lame tokenistic type, I hope) type of songwriter, so much more of a expressor of ideological and cultural observations and to do with "Romantic" themes (NOT lovey-dovey romantic, more the 18th-19th century poetic, nature and individual "soulful" expressive type of romantic) but I also just HAD to put into words, poems and songs, angst when I had a bad break up (very bluesy numbers) and rapturous lovey numbers when I fell for my current partner. It just comes out if you are musically and lyrically inclined, because of the strong emotions that "love" , "eros" "limerance" and "pathos" evoke.

 

[100skerls]

Having said that I listened to probably almost only love songs for a long time leading up to dating my boyfriend and the first year or two we were together as a way of emotional self expression. Don’t listen to love songs as much now, because I don’t need the song to be about love to think of him and I think of him along with everything else. Like I’ll listen to song about California and miss being in California with him and things like that.

 

[Fino]

Yes, but that doesnt mean that every song everywhere has to be about nothing BUT that.

Hell, I've often wondered the same thing as the OP.

I've said this before elsewhere, but there seem to be three, and ONLY three, subjects that a song can be about:

1. Love
2. Relationships
3. How great some guy's girlfriend is

And that's it. That's IT. Nobody sings about things that arent those things. Hell, when I hear these, it honestly just makes the songwriters sound mildly desperate to me... like if they sing about it enough, they'll finally get a mate. Like one of those birds that doesnt shut the bloody hell up in the morning. I know that's not ACTUALLY the case (er... okay I guess I dont know that completely for sure) but that's the perception of it that I always get.

As it is, I end up avoiding music entirely. Just... bleh. BLEH. You could seriously have a "song" where the "music" is just a bunch of random kitchen utensils being thrown at a wall, with some guy screaming "ROACHES IN THE WAAAAALLLLLS!!!!" at the top of his lungs over and over for lyrics, and it'd be more appealing than the swarm of love songs to me.



Now that all being said, in an overall sense, I think this is one of those topics that some of us simply dont "get" and probably never will. Spectrum, and all, you know. Like, I've never been in love myself. Never will be. The mere concept of romantic interest in anyone is utterly baffling to me. No... "disturbing" is more the right word. Just... ugh. Just thinking about it makes me want to take a shower to clean off. Thinking about things like people kissing is even worse (I genuinely cant even look at someone who is doing that). Just... uuuuugh. I at least have to go wash my hands after typing all of this.

And I know I'm not the only one on the spectrum that doesnt "get it". Which is probably a little frustrating for those that DO get it, I imagine... er... maybe.

Where am I going with any of this? I dont know. I havent had my blasted caffeine yet.

This is kinda like the thing where some of us don't understand the thing about insulting each other while playi g video-games and such! I forgot what it was called. But anyway, now the roles are reversed! Now I know how you felt!

 

[Fino]

Long songs all around 'cause:

1. Simplicity
2. Hornicity

The last one is a made-up word for the never-ending rise and fall of hormones which encourage reproduction.

I wasn't sure of the censorship rules on this one so I went the safer route.

 

[SusanLR]

There are a lot of songs on the Eagle I listen to while driving that aren't about love.
A lot are about relationships or just out right sex, and a lot of it is sadistic.
The Wall, Comfortably Numb, Come Sail Away, I drink Alone, Welcome to the Jungle, Drifter, Twilight Zone,
Another one Bites the Dust, Hot Blooded, Bad Moon Rising, Bohemian Rhapsody, Rollin' on the River,
it goes on and on. From sailing away on a starship to getting drunk alone or Dying.
Plenty of songs about things other than romance that I listen to. Lovin' Every Minute of It.

 

[Fino]

There are a lot of songs on the Eagle I listen to while driving that aren't about love.
A lot are about relationships or just out right sex, and a lot of it is sadistic.
The Wall, Comfortably Numb, Come Sail Away, I drink Alone, Welcome to the Jungle, Drifter, Twilight Zone,
Another one Bites the Dust, Hot Blooded, Bad Moon Rising, Bohemian Rhapsody, Rollin' on the River,
it goes on and on. From sailing away on a starship to getting drunk alone or Dying.
Plenty of songs about things other than romance that I listen to. Lovin' Every Minute of It.

Unfortunately, many people let the radio represent music. I said basically the same thing as you last time this came up!

 

[Xerces Blue]

I think the music on the radio is often middle of the pack music.
You get the really bad stuff that doesn't get to radio because it's boring
Then there's the interesting stuff that doesn't get to radio because either the songs are too long or they're too complex to be easily remembered.
Like a good book: you shouldn't pick up everything on the first time through.
Also remember that relationships are SUPER important NT people, sometimes life or death

 

[GrownupGirl]

Love is supposed to be one of our basic human needs, along with shelter, water and food.
But I think it's a certain kind of love that people need that is seldom mentioned in songs, like love from your parents.

 

[MeghanWithAnH]

I have no problem with the occasional love song, even if it isn't something I personally relate to. Some of them are even pretty good. The problem, as you said, is when almost every song is a love song. There are so many different experiences that someone could write a meaningful song about that would resonate with many people, so many sources of joy, pain, excitement, pride, regret, and everything else, so why must pop culture and all its variations make romantic love (and sex) seem like the only thing that matters? It's not just songs, either. Every movie has to have its romance subplot, and every character who thinks they don't need it is guaranteed to be proven wrong by the end of the movie.

It's not only annoying and boring, but also harmful, because it makes many people think that having a romantic relationship should be the most important thing in life and is essential to having a successful life. What about the people whose relationships don't work out? Are they supposed to be miserable forever like the people in the songs, or rush into a new relationship because pop culture tells them that the only way to recover is to find love again? What about the people who can't find a relationship in the first place? Are they supposed to spend their lives desperately longing for love because that's what pop culture tells us all single people do, or be bitter at the opposite sex because they've been convinced that everyone but them is happily paired off and so they're being specifically excluded? Maybe they could use some encouragement that life can also be great without a romantic partner and that they don't need anyone else to 'complete' them, but no one seems to believe that message. What about those of us with little or no interest in romantic love? Pop culture says we don't exist or we are lying to ourselves because we're afraid to try, because of course romantic love (and sex) are the only things that matter and everyone is desperately longing for them.

On a more personal level, I guess I'd just like to have the occasional song that I can relate to without pretending to be someone else. We need a wider range of experiences represented in music. Maybe it could even broaden the range of things that people think about. Even the most narrow minded people expand their understanding when they are exposed to an idea often enough and in the right way. But I guess romantic love is just an easy topic to write about that they know will make them some money.

 

[oregano]

@MeghanWithAnH, I suspect you are really young because when I was in my teens and even 20s there was a good variety of popular songs that weren't all about love. "Gangsta" rappers talking about the hell of 1990s black ghettos and the worse hell of prison life (songs that a working class suburban white kid could actually relate to since this particular kid was a permanent outsider in society just like the blacks in Los Angeles), political songs about how "the real thief cools in a pool" while the poor kids do hard time for little stuff, the raw rage of the neo-punks and cyberpunks at a system tilted in the favor of the silver spoon crowd.

Today the "music" isn't even music, it's three random notes on a loop with some loser blabbering (not even making the slightest attempt at rhythm or melody) about his flashy cars and hot women, or a basic, awful electronic beat with a young woman singer crooning about sex. In 1989 the revolution was blaring from every radio, but today's kids don't bother with a radio ("radio? wth is a radio?") instead trading music videos on social media that are as awful as the "music" they contain.

I guess the record company suits were getting a little nervous at the rage in pop music of the 90s and thus gutted the whole thing. Besides it's more profitable for kids to deal with alienation by shooting dope, I guess.

 

[MeghanWithAnH]

@MeghanWithAnH, I suspect you are really young because when I was in my teens and even 20s there was a good variety of popular songs that weren't all about love. "Gangsta" rappers talking about the hell of 1990s black ghettos and the worse hell of prison life (songs that a working class suburban white kid could actually relate to since this particular kid was a permanent outsider in society just like the blacks in Los Angeles), political songs about how "the real thief cools in a pool" while the poor kids do hard time for little stuff, the raw rage of the neo-punks and cyberpunks at a system tilted in the favor of the silver spoon crowd.

Today the "music" isn't even music, it's three random notes on a loop with some loser blabbering (not even making the slightest attempt at rhythm or melody) about his flashy cars and hot women, or a basic, awful electronic beat with a young woman singer crooning about sex. In 1989 the revolution was blaring from every radio, but today's kids don't bother with a radio ("radio? wtf is a radio?") instead trading music videos on social media that are as awful as the "music" they contain.

I guess the record company suits were getting a little nervous at the rage in pop music of the 90s and thus gutted the whole thing. Besides it's more profitable for kids to deal with alienation by shooting dope, I guess.

Eh, not that young, but too young to listen to rap in the 90s in my suburban neighborhood, it's true. I'm aware that other music exists, but it takes effort to find, as opposed to love and sex songs that blare in my ear every time I turn around. I'm not generally fond of rap (or what little I've heard of any variation of punk), both because I prefer a more judicious application of profanities and because of the way it often talks about women. I'd still say that if you compare the number of songs that have been written about love or sex to the total number of songs about every other topic, the love/sex songs are a vastly greater number. The disparity is even greater when songs that seem to be about something else but ultimately end up being about or heavily featuring love/sex are included. I'm just tired of hearing the same exact messages from every form of media ever. It's to the point when people automatically express sympathy and reassurance that you'll find someone someday when they find out you're single, without ever bothering to find out whether you mind being single, and are shocked or don't believe you when you tell them you prefer it this way. And I know several people who feel like failures because their marriages didn't work out or they never got married, even if they otherwise have a great life. It's like no one has even been exposed to any other ideas, and I do blame the entertainment industry for some of that.

Good point about more variety being found outside of mainstream pop culture, though.