Why do o feel like nobody likes me?

[The Pandector]

People are ingenuine and insincere. Empathy is fake, it does not exist. Personally I don't get attached to humans knowing everything is a farce. It's all a mockery.

I’ve spent a lot of time feeling that way, but now I’m starting to think that that’s only usually true. There is real friendship and empathy out there. Wish I still had the heart and energy to go looking for it.

 

[Hypnalis]

Most NTs behave reasonably most of the time.
Progressively less so over the last 50 years, but NT's struggle with the ever increasing levels of "learned narcissistic traits" as much as we do.

So what should someone on the spectrum do? Adapt or accept. "Adapt" makes life a lot easier.

It's much easier to learn how to deal with selfish or disingenuous NT's than it is to accurately read body language.
You can literally figure it all the details just by applying the old principle "actions speak louder than words".

OTOH finding good people is much harder than avoiding bad people. It's one of the things you work on during informal social contacts.

 

[The Pandector]

Most NTs behave reasonably most of the time.
Progressively less so over the last 50 years, but NT's struggle with the ever increasing levels of "learned narcissistic traits" as much as we do.

So what should someone on the spectrum do? Adapt or accept. "Adapt" makes life a lot easier.

It's much easier to learn how to deal with selfish or disingenuous NT's than it is to accurately read body language.
You can literally figure it all the details just by applying an old principle "actions speak louder than words".

OTOH finding good people is much harder than avoiding bad people. It's one of the things that follows from informal social contact.

Long before I knew I’m autistic, I realized I had become a very judgmental person. Not understanding that most people have social receptors of which I know nothing, I had landed on what I felt was a nearly infallible method of evaluating humans. Listen, watch, compare. Listen carefully to what they say, watch carefully what they do, compare the two.

After decades of this and no other conscious tool, I had developed a very accurate method of determining how close to get to people. Which is to say, I learned to stay away from most people. Quite literally, people can’t be trusted.

Now I understand that people’s words are only a part of what they’re saying, the rest being some psychotic admixture of grunts, nods, memes, winks and hairdos. This effect is so pronounced that your typical typical can successfully say the opposite of what their words alone express. Most become so adept at this that they seemingly lose sight of whatever meaning their own words, alone, convey.

Becoming aware of the larger picture hasn’t helped. I still lack the receptors, and a lifetime habit of mentally holding people accountable for what they say is too ingrained to be changed. I guess I wish I could unsee it; it would be easier to like and trust people. But, facts are facts, and few people are good to their words.

 

[paloftoon]

We do live in a cruel world, no doubt. There is truth to what you say and think. At the same time, we need to try to enjoy good moments when we can too. Try to balance sticking with doing things that aren't too serious or high stakes or on your terms enough with others. Try to be okay with that. It's okay to do some things you like and then maybe some things you don't like too. Let people earn your trust to do things, and realize that this could change at any time even if it's obviously morally wrong otherwise. It's hard to deal with change, especially when it's unwarranted. Take as many breaks as you need and try your best. That's all you can ask for, of yourself and for yourself.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Hunh. I thought it was just me. Yeah, hanging out with the guys has always been uncomfortable for me. Is there something in the world besides football? Sure; basketball and car races. They talk about women as if they weren’t slavishly in love. Gimme a break. The whole male bonding thing is bizarre. One or two at a time isn’t as bad, but, sheesh.

You’re right: girls smell better and don’t take up so much space.

Women should be kind hearted amd caring and if they are not then I do not have to have them in my life.
And males you are right just like boring stuff but you need both males and females.

 

[Rodafina]

And males you are right just like boring stuff

Well, boring is subjective. The data shows that I am more interested in the things that the males in my life are interested in than the females.

I think it's about our unique interests. Not about gender. It's uncomfortable for me to read comments that are derogatory toward men.

I don't say this to correct you, but it appears as though you appreciate kindness and love and I think it's important to notice when we are categorizing huge groups of people as something very negative.

 

[Rodafina]

Hunh. I thought it was just me. Yeah, hanging out with the guys has always been uncomfortable for me. Is there something in the world besides football? Sure; basketball and car races. They talk about women as if they weren’t slavishly in love. Gimme a break. The whole male bonding thing is bizarre. One or two at a time isn’t as bad, but, sheesh.

You’re right: girls smell better and don’t take up so much space.

It sounds like you just need to be exposed to a wider variety of men as this is not really giving due acknowledgment to the diversity among men.

And if you increase your sphere of women, you may realize we don’t all smell that nice.

 

[The Pandector]

It sounds like you just need to be exposed to a wider variety of men as this is not really giving due acknowledgment to the diversity among men.

And if you increase your sphere of women, you may realize we don’t all smell that nice.

Frankly, I was acting the mirror. What I said about men, I meant. I could also speak in the same manner about women, but won’t. Consider that a man was agreeing with the woman about those darned men.

Thanks, @Rodafina, for explaining to me that men as well as women shouldn’t be lumped into groups for mass evaluations. I’ll try to keep in mind that there are men who, like myself, don’t neatly fit into the stereotypes and, now that you mention it, I do remember meeting some pretty stinky women.

As you suggest, I’ll try to get out and meet a wider variety of more diverse men and women. That should help me understand a broader range of human expression.

Know what I mean?

 

[Hypnalis]

@Annaa

I don't believe that the best thing to do about overthinking is to wait it out. It does work, but it's very slow.

Another (IMO better) option is to consider your current situation, and then review your social responsibilities and your personal priorities.

There's no knowing where this might go, but note that I'm not suggesting this should be preparation for therapy.
What you've described is the kind of thing that happens to almost everyone in their teens. But it's a good time for some introspection.

If you want some simple suggestions on how to get started, reply to this post.

 

[Rodafina]

Frankly, I was acting the mirror. What I said about men, I meant. I could also speak in the same manner about women, but won’t. Consider that a man was agreeing with the woman about those darned men.

Thanks, @Rodafina, for explaining to me that men as well as women shouldn’t be lumped into groups for mass evaluations. I’ll try to keep in mind that there are men who, like myself, don’t neatly fit into the stereotypes and, now that you mention it, I do remember meeting some pretty stinky women.

As you suggest, I’ll try to get out and meet a wider variety of more diverse men and women. That should help me understand a broader range of human expression.

Know what I mean?

Man or woman, some people are alright, some people are great, and there are stinkers on both sides!

 

[The Pandector]

Man or woman, some people are alright, some people are great, and there are stinkers on both sides!

That reminds me… I need to go shower.

 

[Knower of nothing]

People are ingenuine and insincere. Empathy is fake, it does not exist. Personally I don't get attached to humans knowing everything is a farce. It's all a mockery.

This can be tricky to agree with, but the performative nature of social behavior doesn't make any of it fake. You need real intention or there is no fuel to move. Co-operation is an emergent property of a group of individual needs overlapping, it's almost arrogant to expect people to act in your interest with 0 regard for their own. No one can do that. But love is still a real thing.