• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Why don't people listen to my stories?

Siobhan

Siobhan

Active Member
This literally happened 2 minutes ago but it happens all the time. When people are telling personal funny stories about their lives, I try to chime in, but when I do, people keep talking over me and telling their own stories without listening to mine. I know I have trouble knowing when it's my turn to talk, so I try really hard to make sure I'm not interupting and to mentally check my story to make sure it's the same kind of story everyone else is telling, but I still can't manage to get through before everyone starts interupting again. I know I'm not talking for too long because I only tell the same 5 stories and they all take less than 5 minutes each, and people tell way longer stories than that. I have a really hard time telling if I'm doing something wrong or if other people are just being rude.
 
It can be hard to get your two cents in a group conversation when you aren't considered "part of the group" (not saying that's the case for you, but still). They might not realize that they're doing it, but it would be worth bringing it to their notice if it hurts your feelings. You could maybe bring them aside and say, "I feel kind of an outsider when I'm not allowed to discuss like everybody else what goes on in my life". Talking over people is really rude, regardless of how they feel about what you're talking about. The reasons for them doing it may not be malicious, but could just be a case of poor manners or over-excitement. Regardless of the reasons, interrupting people is rude and shows a lack of respect.
 
Last edited:
You got the situation today perfectly, actually. I'm visiting my BF's family for xmas and everyone else here has a long relationship with each other. I'm the new person and it's only my second time here. I told my boyfriend what was happening, but he's on the spectrum too so he doesn't always notice when I'm struggling. It happens to me with close friends and family too, but I'm definitely the odd one out here.
 
I have this problem commonly, it led me to avoid conversations in person with many people. I think the key is finding people who know that your value is just as great as theirs, and everyone deserves a turn in a conversations. My family is terrible that way. I get 3 words into a story and then someone else switches the topic ALMOST EVERY TIME! I feel your pain.
 
I can relate to this a lot. Have you ever noticed your body language in situations like that? I'm somebody who tends to shrink themselves when I feel anxious but, as I've gotten older I felt like "okay I need to act confident even though I don't feel confident". I forced myself to sit nice and tall, have eye contact, forced myself not to fidget, and spoke with volume and tried speak definitively. It still makes me feel uncomfortable but, it really works, people listen to me an they add to what I say
 
Siobhan said:
This literally happened 2 minutes ago but it happens all the time. When people are telling personal funny stories about their lives, I try to chime in, but when I do, people keep talking over me and telling their own stories without listening to mine. I know I have trouble knowing when it's my turn to talk, so I try really hard to make sure I'm not interupting and to mentally check my story to make sure it's the same kind of story everyone else is telling, but I still can't manage to get through before everyone starts interupting again. I know I'm not talking for too long because I only tell the same 5 stories and they all take less than 5 minutes each, and people tell way longer stories than that. I have a really hard time telling if I'm doing something wrong or if other people are just being rude.
Click to expand...
i just had the same experience on the forum here i posted an answer and everyone elses comment was liked apart from mine iam the outcast of forums
 
Streetwise said:
i just had the same experience on the forum here i posted an answer and everyone elses comment was liked apart from mine iam the outcast of forums
Click to expand...
That sucks. I wish I had advice for you. I find I have the same problem in NT forums and on social media.
 
Siobhan said:
That sucks. I wish I had advice for you. I find I have the same problem in NT forums and on social media.
Click to expand...
i meant nt as well ,i used to interact on an nt forum but apart from the new members i was nearly completely ignored or critiscised .
it like the new professional attitude !doctors for example they are open !when they've been there a while you might as well not bother speaking to them .
 
I tend to get ignored or make a target out of myself by stating opinions I think are fairly banal and then it turns out they're controversial. I've had trouble with doctors too.
 
Yes, this happens to me all the time. It could be a body language not being very assertive, other people in the group are more dominant and assertive, they are higher up in the pecking order and people pay attention to them or try to get their attention so the group listens to what they are saying and not what I have to say. People are impatient, don't let me finish, talk over the top of me or just ignore me. They may not be doing it on purpose but yes, it is very rude. I also seem to be slower to respond than other people, in a group conversation, someone else always manages to reply before I can, so I never get to say what I want to say. I think I may have an auditory processing delay or something, because I can't seem to process as fast as other rpeople - it may be only a second, but it's enough to hamper communication in this kind of situation. I get extremely frustrated. I give in and stop listening, tune out and get bored in group conversations. That's why things like parties where people just sit round talking are so boring and pointless for me. I'm better at one to one conversations, because at least they will wait for me to finish my sentence. Also, I think that people find me boring and don't want to talk to me, because I can't do this banter that most groups engage in, there's too much pressure to be fun and jolly all the time.

Streetwise said:
i just had the same experience on the forum here i posted an answer and everyone elses comment was liked apart from mine iam the outcast of forums
Click to expand...
Yes, this happens to me on forums, too. I get ignored quite a lot. It's not necessarily the case that my comments aren't liked, it's that other members of the forum speak to each other privately and form unions/bonds/connections/friendships/groups/cliques where I don't, and then I feel that I don't connect, and there are things going on that I'm not a part of. The same thing happens on forums as happens in real life, even on autism forums. I was absent from this forum for a while, and came back after a year or so. I noticed that at the same time that I came back, another member who I remember was around at the time that I was, also came back after a period of absence. He said that he had received messages asking him where he had been, where are you, etc, but I, even though I have nearly 1500 posts, never got any such messages, I don't think that anyone even noticed that I was gone.

So, quite simply, I'm not on people's social radar.
 
Maybe this is overly cynical, but before I went all alpha-male people would do that crap to me all the time and it's because they don't respect you. Whether they respect you because they fear you or admire you, people shut up when someone they respect is talking, regardless of whether or not they're actually interested in the content of what that person has to say.
 
Gritches said:
Maybe this is overly cynical, but before I went all alpha-male people would do that crap to me all the time and it's because they don't respect you. Whether they respect you because they fear you or admire you, people shut up when someone they respect is talking, regardless of whether or not they're actually interested in the content of what that person has to say.
Click to expand...

As soon as I read alpha male I thought

This guy's going to kick my ass, I better read all his post.

He may ask questions later and give me a double kicking.
:)

But yeh I agree!
 
Last edited:
Conversations are difficult and don't happen often in my life. Then just when I think I'm doing it right, it changes parameters and I have to try to figure it out all over again. I have nvld and hfa so I miss certain things and have more work to do to process verbal info.
@Streetwise often I am not sure about responding or clicking one of the Rating buttons because I might be doing 'TMI' or over-clicking. Maybe that sounds weird.
@Progster Maybe you or someone could start a thread: say, like, a place to share a short story about you.
 
Same here! And it is MORTIFYING and makes me feel like I am just as good as a piece of muck on the floor.
 
I kinda find it hard to believe people would do this sort of thing just by accident.. I mean if you were barely audible while you were speaking and they just couldnt hear you I could understand. Adults would do this to me when I was a kid, talking about kid things, but Im surprised this would be happening to adults. To me, when someone speaks, a lightbulb just turns on to tell me to listen, even if I find what they have to say boring or I dont agree with it, cause thats what you do... I dunno sometimes I think people on the spectrum understand socializing better than nts.. I think its kinda sad to that people have to be "alpha" just to have very simple privileges like not being talked over. Its a sad world.
 
kestrel said:
Maybe you or someone could start a thread: say, like, a place to share a short story about you.
Click to expand...
I made an introductory thread when I first joined, and a thread about having cancer when I came back. I don't think there's any need, or any point, in making such threads, the idea makes me feel a bit uncomfortable actually.
 
Streetwise said:
i just had the same experience on the forum here i posted an answer and everyone elses comment was liked apart from mine iam the outcast of forums
Click to expand...
Sometimes things like that happen to me on forums, but I find it's easy to miss comments when I create a forum myself, cause I'm a klutz.
 
Last edited:
Siobhan said:
I tend to get ignored or make a target out of myself by stating opinions I think are fairly banal and then it turns out they're controversial. I've had trouble with doctors too.
Click to expand...
A lot people are very over emotional when it comes to opinions.. my mother is like that, we'll converse on a topic and I'll disagree with something she says and she shouts me down at the top of her lungs. Also I was in an art program years ago and they were all really overly sensitive types, couldnt discuss anything, couldnt make a joke, it was misery.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom