Why I can’t just work and attend college

[Markness]

I know that I need to work to have an income and I need to attend college if I want a degree, especially if I want to move out (Whether it be an apartment or small house in my area or to move to Austin eventually) and to be able to get a career that will sustain independent living. However, I simply just can’t focus only on work and studying.

I am bullied at work which feeds into the vicious cycle I am caught in and make only poverty level income. I struggle with education both in keeping up with assignments and dealing with social isolation. This only further makes me depressed. I honestly feel envious of couples both at work and in school because I haven’t been able to even get a coffee date. I have few friends and they have their own lives so they aren’t always available to hang out with. If I had a girlfriend, I would feel less lonely. But the fact I am depressed already compounds the issue.

Life really feels frustrating and discouraging to me. I know I have autism and that put me at a disadvantage from the beginning. I just wish I was one of the autistic people who either succeeded or are achieving success instead of having trouble just getting started.

 

[VictorR]

Some of us have more challenges than others.

That might just mean we may need more time or other resources / support to accomplish something, but will also make that success all the sweeter, knowing that you had to try harder and persevere more to attain the goal.

 

[Markness]

Some of us have more challenges than others.

That might just mean we may need more time or other resources / support to accomplish something, but will also make that success all the sweeter, knowing that you had to try harder and persevere more to attain the goal.

I am fine with putting in effort. I just wish my efforts succeeded instead of ending up in failure time after time. I am scared that my 30’s will pass and I still won’t have a girlfriend, won’t have escaped my mother’s web, and actually living the life I want to pursue. This is why I think about killing myself so much.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

By the time I was in grad school going for my doctorate, I noticed that the guys who were in relationships were not struggling the way I was. It was as if having that one personal dimension secure they had the freedom to put effort into their studies. I finally made it through but not without personal cost and little did I know that in another year, I would hit bottom personally, feeling the existential pain of loneliness acutely.

 

[Aspychata]

I know that I need to work to have an income and I need to attend college if I want a degree, especially if I want to move out (Whether it be an apartment or small house in my area or to move to Austin eventually) and to be able to get a career that will sustain independent living. However, I simply just can’t focus only on work and studying.

I am bullied at work which feeds into the vicious cycle I am caught in and make only poverty level income. I struggle with education both in keeping up with assignments and dealing with social isolation. This only further makes me depressed. I honestly feel envious of couples both at work and in school because I haven’t been able to even get a coffee date. I have few friends and they have their own lives so they aren’t always available to hang out with. If I had a girlfriend, I would feel less lonely. But the fact I am depressed already compounds the issue.

Life really feels frustrating and discouraging to me. I know I have autism and that put me at a disadvantage from the beginning. I just wish I was one of the autistic people who either succeeded or are achieving success instead of having trouble just getting started.

Noticed you have become more mature in the way you clearly stated how you feel. This is a great change. I agree. I didn't marry until quite late in life. And even after my divorce, l finally matured more. We sorta bumble along but many here don't have relationships until later in life. Our specialized interests or just trying to get thru life keep us pretty busy.

 

[Markness]

By the time I was in grad school going for my doctorate, I noticed that the guys who were in relationships were not struggling the way I was. It was as if having that one personal dimension secure they had the freedom to put effort into their studies. I finally made it through but not without personal cost and little did I know that in another year, I would hit bottom personally, feeling the existential pain of loneliness acutely.

I just don’t get why it’s horrible in the eyes of certain people that I feel lonely and scared for my future.

 

[tree]

I just don’t get why it’s horrible in the eyes of certain people that I feel lonely and scared for my future.

Maybe it reminds them of their own vulnerability.

 

[Jordy]

The problem with getting your first girlfriend later in life is that by that point it's often transactional, they need someone for resources or whatever other reason, only when you are young can you be sure the only reason a girl wants to be with you because she genuine desires you. There is many man here who met their wife's late in life, i wonder if their wife's would have liked them when they had the hormones of an 18 year old woman and didn't think about needing a man to help provide resources.

 

[Markness]

Maybe it reminds them of their own vulnerability.

I still don’t think they should tell me “Stop whining!” and other disparaging messages.

 

[tree]

I still don’t think they should tell me “Stop whining!” and other disparaging messages.

That's understandable, you not wanting to hear stuff like that.

A person who feels uncomfortable because of not being
able to solve problems for someone else would try
to shut off the outpouring of unhappiness with words like
that. *Grow up, be a man, suck it up, get over it.* etc...

Hey, at least you're past the age when anyone is likely to
say to you *Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about.*
Right?

just kidding.
sort of.

 

[Primrose]

That you are working, studying and trying to improve your situation is likely to be attractive to a woman.

 

[Aspychata]

Relationships happen at all ages. I worked a retirement home, and there were two ladies fighting over guy even there. They all were 70's plus.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The problem with getting your first girlfriend later in life is that by that point it's often transactional, they need someone for resources or whatever other reason, only when you are young can you be sure the only reason a girl wants to be with you because she genuine desires you. There is many man here who met their wife's late in life, i wonder if their wife's would have liked them when they had the hormones of an 18 year old woman and didn't think about needing a man to help provide resources.

Yet, perhaps not. At 28, after meeting the woman who was to be my spouse because of common interests we cemented our relationship, as I found out later, when she fell in love with me because I was concerned about her feelings unlike the men who she felt had just used her.

 

[Markness]

That you are working, studying and trying to improve your situation is likely to be attractive to a woman.

I was honestly told by classmates college would be where I would meet “the one”, a term they commonly used. I tend to think they were basing this from what their parents told them about their romantic histories. College was no different than high school in regards to romance for me.

 

[Jordy]

That you are working, studying and trying to improve your situation is likely to be attractive to a woman.

lol no, be honest with a guy, no woman is going to like a man solely because he works hard.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

lol no, be honest with a guy, no woman is going to like a man solely because he works hard.

I thought that demonstrating the abilities to work and live independently were basic requisites to demonstrate some level of competence that women notice. Perhaps I am wrong and maybe I stupidly think that personality, values, interests count for something too.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I was honestly told by classmates college would be where I would meet “the one”, a term they commonly used. I tend to think they were basing this from what their parents told them about their romantic histories. College was no different than high school in regards to romance for me.

You are not the first nor will you be the last to experience that. I did not have my first date until two years out of graduate school. Even then they were unsatisfactory things because of me and my expectations. Besides learning how to be more social, I also started learning that expectations interfered with my enjoyment of nice moments. It worked and I started enjoying people in the moment. Being used to planning and routine, being flexible was hard for me. Still it was three years and a failed relationship before I met my spouse.

 

[Jordy]

I thought that demonstrating the abilities to work and live independently were basic requisites to demonstrate some level of competence that women notice. Perhaps I am wrong and maybe I stupidly think that personality, values, interests count for something too.

They generally don't. Maybe it's more relevant to older people but young woman definitely do not look at any of that.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

They generally don't. Maybe it's more relevant to older people but young woman definitely do not look at any of that.

So, that is probably how they end up with incurious schlubs with no life experience. If a predictable and boring life is what you want I guess that is what they desire.

 

[Slim Jim]

The problem with getting your first girlfriend later in life is that by that point it's often transactional, they need someone for resources or whatever other reason, only when you are young can you be sure the only reason a girl wants to be with you because she genuine desires you. There is many man here who met their wife's late in life, i wonder if their wife's would have liked them when they had the hormones of an 18 year old woman and didn't think about needing a man to help provide resources.

You are completely wrong on all accounts. There are plenty of relationships that are not transactional.

They generally don't. Maybe it's more relevant to older people but young woman definitely do not look at any of that.

Personality does count. You seem to be stuck in a depressed narrow viewpoint. Being negative turns people off time. Nobody want to be around somebody who sucks all the joy out of the room as soon as they step in. No matter what age, financial circumstances etc etc.