why I chose "AwkwardSilence" as ID here

[AwkwardSilence]

Clever strategy, Rebecca! (Unless they just keep talking louder and louder.)

 

[Fino]

I repeat the question or say "ummmmmm"

 

[Vitamin Sea]

I usually cover up by asking, "I beg your pardon?" Then while they repeat the question, I try to think of an answer very quickly. But then again, friends might think I have a hearing disorder... So, I also say something like, "Yeah, Okay, Well, let me think..., or I don't know, what about you?
I also memorize by heart some quick lines, jokes, just anything to break those awkward moments. Watching celebrity interviews on YouTube has helped me a lot. They just sound so spontaneous and relaxed. It also helps when I paraphrase their questions, while the aspie in me is quickly processing an answer.

 

[SusanLR]

I usually just look away and make the "ummm.." noise.
It lets them know I am thinking about it before giving an answer.
Sometimes I get lazy at home though and my house partner gets angry if I don't say something
in response quick enough.

 

[Thinx]

My hearing is definitely less good but also my ability to pay attention seems to be drifting. Oops. Yes I know what you mean about the gap that is there, there actually is something that is an absence compared to the neurotypical brain, I guess, that's my experience, but I only had language for that since understanding about neurodiversity and putting that together with how things seem to me, it's hard to notice an absence.

Could you wear and amusing T shirt? Something like, I am listening to the music of the universe so may not get back to you right away. ..

 

[techteach]

Yep yep yep...

I say "Well...." Then I think.

I can totally agree with a person but forget to acknowledge (nod my head or say "yes" or something.) Just happened with someone who is close and knows me so they understood. Have you ever had someone start to explain something all over again when you agreed or understood the first time? Then when you say "I understood, just thinking..." they get kind of offended?

Sorry @SusanLR

 

[AwkwardSilence]

I've had people repeat themselves, and I've had my wife say in an impatient voice, "I asked you a question!" Makes me feel that my mind is really a foreign country to her.

Funny thing is, I don't think I respond with anything like "I heard you." I just try to think harder, but still silently and more uncomfortably.

 

[techteach]

I've had people repeat themselves, and I've had my wife say in an impatient voice, "I asked you a question!"

This would be hard for me too. Stress doesn't help me to talk, it makes it a lot worse. I'm terrible at disagreements... I get upset and shut down. It would be hard to have someone be so impatient with a person. I understand.

 

[VAW]

Since I'm new here, I have a lot of reading to do on the boards. But one phenomenon I'd like to ask about now:

I've been told that most people, when asked a question, will either answer immediately or make some kind of sound ("hmmm..." "well..." "uh...") to let the questioner know they've been heard and understood.

I never think of that, so I give no visible or audible reaction right away, but silently go into my head to determine the best answer. It never occurs to me to add a filler.

If, for example, I'm asked if I want a pizza or a sandwich, my internal debate begins...what did I eat yesterday, what am I likely to have later, let me recall the taste of each, how hungry am I....and I guess they're wondering what's going on. But that piece of my brain that should indicate "got it, I'll get back to you in a few seconds" doesn't exist.

One of my office mates once told me, years ago, that some of the other workers had wondered if I was retarded or hard of hearing because I didn't respond right away.

Is this familiar to anyone here?

My son does this... I would ask him a question and he would just sit there sometimes, I never understood that before i knew he had Asperger's and read about it. I would get a little upset with him because to me it wasn't polite to not answer, like when someone greets you with hello, it is only polite to say hello back, sometimes he doesn't even do that. but he will nod his head at least acknowledging that. I thought he just don't care enough to answer me, and i remember walking out of his room a few times saying you don't have to be so rude and you could at least answer me when i ask you something. I have noticed too when he is at the doctor and they ask him a question it takes a few more seconds to answer. He looks like he isn't going to answer cause he is sitting there but then he does or he will look to me to answer to fill in the gaps for him.

 

[ASD_Geek]

I know the kind of holding-pattern response I should give, and could even advise someone like me about it, but in an actual conversation, I don't have the reflex action to produce it. That would be like a detour when I'm only focused on providing an actual answer.

I have the same issue. This is me, exactly! My wife often comments upon it, thinking that I am either not paying attention or do not care to answer, all the while, I am trying to formulate my thoughts so I can respond. This even seems to be the case with "easy" questions like," What would you like for dinner?"

 

[AwkwardSilence]

For anyone in your 50s or older, I understand the relief of finally learning about Asp and how your puzzle pieces fit. But what about sadness at looking back and thinking of all the wrong turns and dead ends that you and your family might have avoided if Asp were a known diagnosis in yesteryear? I'm both glad and almost - not to be too dramatic - grieving for the missed opportunities and terrible experiences I had.

 

[Streetwise]

For anyone in your 50s or older, I understand the relief of finally learning about Asp and how your puzzle pieces fit. But what about sadness at looking back and thinking of all the wrong turns and dead ends that you and your family might have avoided if Asp were a known diagnosis in yesteryear? I'm both glad and almost - not to be too dramatic - grieving for the missed opportunities and terrible experiences I had.

you need to talk to the much younger members of the forum ,one I talked to said being diagnosed at age 8 didn't make him feel any better ,he is 18 now and there wasn't any real education that would make his life seamless, in the UK there are a few schools for people below the age of 25,i've heard one member that said their life was pretty good but not any more than one .

 

[Thinx]

I think people vary but personally I am not prone to regrets. I think it's Byron Katie who recommends 'Loving what is' since we don't actually have any other choice, and that's what I tend to do. Well, not always loving it, but accepting it and moving forward.

This is probably much more difficult if life has been very hard and if mis- diagnoses have affected you, whereas like many females I was not diagnosed with anything and grew up socially inept puzzled, sometimes depressed, but just about coping. I feel relieved to know finally what the reality is, and be able to adapt to my new understanding of myself and others.

 

[Progster]

Sometimes I don't respond at all to a question when my mind freezes and gets blocked, or I become overwhelmed by too much going on in my surroundings. I find it hard to filter out and ignore external stimuli.

 

[ASD_Geek]

Sometimes I don't respond at all to a question when my mind freezes and gets blocked, or I become overwhelmed by too much going on in my surroundings. I find it hard to filter out and ignore external stimuli.

I can relate. I know that there are times when I accidentally don't answer due to my mind being overwhelmed, even when trying to focus. Sometimes you just can't and hopefully people will understand.