Wife accused me.....

[GypsyMoth]

Getting to old for this. Does anybody have crazy stories like this?

This is just too luscious to not answer--I have to bite.

I used to wear long skirts and my hair up, even though part of my purchasing position took me into the warehouse. I have no trouble working in a skirt. Well, one of the managers there would cat-whistle at me when he thought no one else was around. So, one day I bee-lined myself on over to his desk and said, "does your wife know you've cat-whistling at me? Would you like her to know? I can tell her for you." Ahh, needless to say, the whistling stopped.

Some years later, I had a really good working relationship with another man and we enjoyed talking about topics related to our work. Well, he hit a rough spot in his marriage and started seeing a counselor. He came in one day and, hat-in-hand metaphorically speaking, announced that his counselor told him he had to confess to me that he loved me. I surprised even myself--I said, "I know." And that was that. I never talked to him again, and he never spoke to me again. I think I wished him well on my last day at work.

But the real kicker came one day while I was minding my desk at work. I don't know if you've ever been in an accounting office, but it can be full of people and it can be so quiet that you can hear a pin drop. Well, Romeo walks in (and we also had a good working relationship up to this point) and he starts talking all of this nonsense to me. I just let him vent--clearly he needed to get this off his chest--and something like a half hour to forty-five minutes later, after telling me how the sun, moon, and stars revolved around me and even proposed something (he was as married as I was!) until he, too, finally left. Those following few minutes, nobody in the office stirred. Finally, my boss stood up, leaned over the cubical wall, and asked if everything were ok. Nicest thing he ever did. Everything was ok with me, I said, but I think Romeo's got some issues to work out! That did it. Everybody had something to say after that! I think HR stepped in because I never saw Romeo in person again.

I was asked to go on a date over the phone by a business owner once--a vendor I had to do business with--for having such a nice phone personality. After the second or third call with my saying no, when he pressed again I answered, "I'm married," and hung up on him. Only vendor I've ever hung up on. He didn't call back.

I may have a couple more sad stories along these lines, but this is enough. I don't know about you but I think, at least in my case, it's because I listen to people and give them room to be themselves. I think a lot of guys are missing that in their lives. It's not meant to be misleading; it's how I listen to everyone.

I haven't encountered the irate wife syndrome--happy to have avoided it. I'm not sure how I'd respond. I would avoid all further contact with that mechanic, though--which is needless to say, I'm sure you are already doing that.

 

[MildredHubble]

On the topic of projection, this interesting, I guess poem by Tom Waits comes to mind, I highly recommend it he's a genius!

 

[Crossbreed]

Well, one of the managers there would cat-whistle at me when he thought no one else was around. So, one day I bee-lined myself on over to his desk and said, "does your wife know you've cat-whistling at me? Would you like her to know? I can tell her for you." Ahh, needless to say, the whistling stopped.

That is something that confuses me.

1. I don't know how to whistle, but does a "cat whistle" mean "Wow, you're pretty!" or "I want to have sex with you!?" (It is probably a good thing that I don't know how to whistle...)
2. My wife & I give each other permission to notice others, just not to pursue them in any way. We will both notice shapely women, together, and some guys stand out to both of us, too. That includes relatives.

 

[Crossbreed]

On the topic of projection, this interesting, I guess poem by Tom Waits comes to mind, I highly recommend it he's a genius!

(Welp, that was anticlimactic... )

 

[GypsyMoth]

That is something that confuses me.

1. I don't know how to whistle, but does a "cat whistle" mean "Wow, you're pretty!" or "I want to have sex with you!?" (It is probably a good thing that I don't know how to whistle...)

You know, I really don't know what he meant by it. Judging by how red-faced he was when I confronted him, even though his words lined up to option A, I think his intent was option B. It helped that not long before then I had a girlfriend from Poland and her observation on American sexual mores was quite enlightening. So I decided it was ok to let guys be guys. I actually didn't mind the attention--I was more concerned with getting out from the under the rumor mill. I don't handle rumors well at all.

1. My wife & I give each other permission to notice others, just not to pursue them in any way. We will both notice shapely women, together, and some guys stand out to both of us, too. That includes relatives.

But, is it acknowledging a certain beauty inherent in form and figure, or is it lustful desire? I suspect you mean the former and not the latter. I have seen some stunningly beautiful women who have never made it to Hollywood who should have been onscreen, for as beautiful as they were--yet my husband finds them unattractive. I think I have only seen one guy I would judge to be a work of art. Before him, I didn't know guys came in an Adonis model. Yeah, I should probably add him to the list above, although in his case, it was a good thing I was married. Much easier to walk away from. As far as handsome goes, I think Sean Connery won some sort of popular 'most handsome man alive' award back in the nineties. Grandfatherly, yes, but handsome nonetheless.

 

[Aspychata]

I had wives that absolutely hated me at the club. One cute couple that ate there, the husband started talking to me. The wife was upset, so he use to come and see me without her. But some is as @GypsyMoth states, l just listen, l don't chastised, l don't opinionate, l just smile and act nice. It's just that sometimes people flip over just a nice time to a sexual theme, so that can be a bit triggering for me, and l am having to tone my response down, and let it move on.

 

[Magna]

@Aspychata Were you texting either one of those two guys? I don't see how either of those wives would connect you (incorrectly) with their husbands. I'm not getting a piece of the puzzle here.

 

[Aspychata]

Nope. I have always drawn men. It's probably my body type. It's a bit unusual. I am very feminine. No, l never contacted anybody from my jobs. I am very professional when l work. But l made excellent tips at that job. I also seemed to draw groups of men.

 

[Aspychata]

My boss at the club nicknamed me Barbie. I was called Barbie in Los Angles also. Lol

 

[Magna]

Nope. I have always drawn men. It's probably my body type. It's a bit unusual. I am very feminine. No, l never contacted anybody from my jobs. I am very professional when l work. But l made excellent tips at that job. I also seemed to draw groups of men.

Obviously no one knows how things transpired with those two husbands and their respective wives. If you had no written contact with either of the men (e.g. texting, emails, etc) and no clandestine interactions with them then it sounds like both of those women could be unstable.

I'm picturing a scenario like this: Grocery store. Husband looks at a woman, a complete stranger in the store. Wife sees this. Wife walks up to the woman, a complete stranger, wife takes off her own wedding ring and hands it to the woman, a complete stranger and tells the stranger that the stranger can "have/take her husband". The wife could legitimately be considered unstable and likely severely mentally ill.

^ I know that's not exactly what happened in your case, but that's how I'm picturing it in my mind as an illustration as to the essence of what you're describing.

 

[Aspychata]

I have strange things happen. I was stalked for 4 years in another state. I have had woman fixate on me. I had to call the police at Funland as a tween because a guy was following me around. I just am relieved to be older because this is finally becoming a moot point.

I kicked out of my house at 17, because of my step-father, and my mom blamed me. It's a lifetime thing. Maybe because you aren't female, it's harder to understand.

 

[MildredHubble]

I have strange things happen. I was stalked for 4 years in another state. I have had woman fixate on me. I had to call the police at Funland as a tween because a guy was following me around. I just am relieved to be older because this is finally becoming a moot point.

I kicked out of my house at 17, because of my step-father, and my mom blamed me. It's a lifetime thing. Maybe because you aren't female, it's harder to understand.

My mother used to fixate on any woman my dad had any kind of friendship with. This also extended to his work colleagues too. I think there are some people in this world who just can't help themselves. They become super obsessed with whatever stories they project on to others and then attack them based on their delusion.

I've had all kinds of people fixate on me and do this. It caused real problems for me. I just seemed to attract attention, event though it was the last thing I wanted.

I've been physically assaulted in the past, sometimes seriously. I'm always asked "what did you do to them? People don't just walk up to others and attack them!?" But that's precisely what happened. I haven't talked to them, or looked at them. Just one moment I'm walking along, the next I'm being harassed, I ignore it and try to walk on and then end up in hospital.

I've had people spot me from quite large distances and make a bee line to ruin my day.

My sister had this problem too and was on one a occasion repeatedly assaulted in a supermarket when she was 14-15. The woman who attacked her seemed to be in a psychopathic rage because my sister basically existed. She pursued her over the course of 20 minutes hurling abuse about her "thinking she was better than her" etc etc and physically attacking her. My sister had done literally nothing.

This sort of behaviour exists and it can be dangerous. Also there are a lot of people in denial about it and will try and bully the victim into taking the blame. People have a real blindspot for this sort of thing and are in total denial that people attack others for for some arbitrary reason that just happened to get under their skin.

 

[Aspychata]

My mother used to fixate on any woman my dad had any kind of friendship with. This also extended to his work colleagues too. I think there are some people in this world who just can't help themselves. They become super obsessed with whatever stories they project on to others and then attack them based on their delusion.

I've had all kinds of people fixate on me and do this. It caused real problems for me. I just seemed to attract attention, event though it was the last thing I wanted.

I've been physically assaulted in the past, sometimes seriously. I'm always asked "what did you do to them? People don't just walk up to others and attack them!?" But that's precisely what happened. I haven't talked to them, or looked at them. Just one moment I'm walking along, the next I'm being harassed, I ignore it and try to walk on and then end up in hospital.

I've had people spot me from quite large distances and make a bee line to ruin my day.

My sister had this problem too and was on one a occasion repeatedly assaulted in a supermarket when she was 14-15. The woman who attacked her seemed to be in a psychopathic rage because my sister basically existed. She pursued her over the course of 20 minutes hurling abuse about her "thinking she was better than her" etc etc and physically attacking her. My sister had done literally nothing.

This sort of behaviour exists and it can be dangerous. Also there are a lot of people in denial about it and will try and bully the victim into taking the blame. People have a real blindspot for this sort of thing and are in total denial that people attack others for for some arbitrary reason that just happened to get under their skin.

Thank you so much for posting. Sorry you have gone thru this. When l was way younger, this shop keeper always tried to grab my hand, and as a young child, l reminded myself not to let him grab my hand because something didn't seem right. I was too young to know anything more. However, l did instruct my tiny tot daughter, that nobody was to touch her areas and if they threatened to hurt her parents if she told, ignore that, and tell us anyways. I also suffered a date rape, narrowly avoided a gang rape at least once in England as l exited the train station and it let out in a park area, where a gang of young men were loitering and l didn't get a very good feeling. Men who don't do these things, it's hard for them to even entertain that this does happen. I was in Golden Gate Park, l may have been on skates, and l had a "challenged young man" out of the blue, completely grab me in a lockhold, luckily his care person rescued me pretty fast. I have an itinerary of weird stuff that's happened.

 

[MildredHubble]

Thank you so much for posting. Sorry you have gone thru this. When l was way younger, this shop keeper always tried to grab my hand, and as a young child, l reminded myself not to let him grab my hand because something didn't seem right. I was too young to know anything more. However, l did instruct my tiny tot daughter, that nobody was to touch her areas and if they threatened to hurt her parents if she told, ignore that, and tell us anyways. I also suffered a date rape, narrowly avoided a gang rape at least once in England as l exited the train station and it let out in a park area, where a gang of young men were loitering and l didn't get a very good feeling. Men who don't do these things, it's hard for them to even entertain that this does happen. I was in Golden Gate Park, l may have been on skates, and l had a "challenged young man" out of the blue, completely grab me in a lockhold, luckily his care person rescued me pretty fast. I have an itinerary of weird stuff that's happened.

God that's horrible! I'm glad that you managed to get away from the gang, it must have been extremely intimidating!

Sadly when I was a kid I had people not respect my bodily autonomy. I won't go into the worst couple of examples, but it did make me feel like I couldn't assert myself against people when they crossed the line in ways, perhaps not as serious, but still wrong.

There was a teacher at my secondary school who was getting "handsy" with kids. I actually have a story about her from when I was first seriously assaulted on my way to school, but I digress.

She used to stand in hallways looking for kids to bully for "problems" with their uniform. She wasn't shy about grabbing kids and messing with their clothes. She did it to me when the poorly fitting shirt I was wearing had burst it's top button, so I hid it with my tie. One day I walked past her and she grabbed me and put her finger into my collar and yanked at it. Then she started shouting at me to do up my top button. I told her that I couldn't as it had come off. So she started shouting at me the I needed to repair it or get a new shirt. Honestly how is an 11 year old going to do that!?.

Then she started to freak out about my tie being loose and started to berate me for that. I said it had happened when she pulled at my collar, she told me that I would be in trouble for "telling lies about her". Then she reached over and pulled my tie so tight she was actually strangling me with it.

I just thought that's what adults were allowed to do to kids.

One day a rumour started spreading around the school that a parent had been into the school on a war path because she had been doing this to her kid. All the kids were saying how she had been warned that she was not to touch the kids anymore. It stopped but she found other ways of bullying kids But God knows how long she had been doing that for!

 

[Aspychata]

God that's horrible! I'm glad that you managed to get away from the gang, it must have been extremely intimidating!

Sadly when I was a kid I had people not respect my bodily autonomy. I won't go into the worst couple of examples, but it did make me feel like I couldn't assert myself against people when they crossed the line in ways, perhaps not as serious, but still wrong.

There was a teacher at my secondary school who was getting "handsy" with kids. I actually have a story about her from when I was first seriously assaulted on my way to school, but I digress.

She used to stand in hallways looking for kids to bully for "problems" with their uniform. She wasn't shy about grabbing kids and messing with their clothes. She did it to me when the poorly fitting shirt I was wearing had burst it's top button, so I hid it with my tie. One day I walked past her and she grabbed me and put her finger into my collar and yanked at it. Then she started shouting at me to do up my top button. I told her that I couldn't as it had come off. So she started shouting at me the I needed to repair it or get a new shirt. Honestly how is an 11 year old going to do that!?.

Then she started to freak out about my tie being loose and started to berate me for that. I said it had happened when she pulled at my collar, she told me that I would be in trouble for "telling lies about her". Then she reached over and pulled my tie so tight she was actually strangling me with it.

I just thought that's what adults were allowed to do to kids.

One day a rumour started spreading around the school that a parent had been into the school on a war path because she had been doing this to her kid. All the kids were saying how she had been warned that she was not to touch the kids anymore. It stopped but she found other ways of bullying kids But God knows how long she had been doing that for!

There are messed up kids because of her, sadistic little dweeb. I was very careful where l took my younger daughter, because they are helpless to bullying and can't speak for themselves. My mom had sadistic nuns in her boarding school, apparently they hit the kids with wood rulers, etc. But her mother was single and had to work everyday, because of no child support from her father.

 

[MildredHubble]

There are messed up kids because of her, sadistic little dweeb. I was very careful where l took my younger daughter, because they are helpless to bullying and can't speak for themselves. My mom had sadistic nuns in her boarding school, apparently they hit the kids with wood rulers, etc. But her mother was single and had to work everyday, because of no child support from her father.

You probably won't be surprised to know it was a Roman Catholic school then. I'm sorry your mother was also mistreated.

I'm always amazed that people can't understand how damaging this sort of thing can be for kids. It's bad enough doing it to adults. But it has been and is still seen by some people as ok to do to kids.

But yeah, she fixated on certain kids. I was one of them and she wasn't the only teacher that did.

 

[Aspychata]

It messed up my mom.

 

[MildredHubble]

It messed up my mom.

I'm sorry Aspychata :-( I wish I had something more inspiring to say. Horrible people in positions of power can do damage that spans generations.

What seems on the surface to be almost trivial to some, like "Oh the teacher was just instilling some discipline." when done often enough and without cause can cause a cumulative effect. Besides the miriad problems it causes for the victim, it particularly damages self esteem. It convinces people they are bad or damaged goods.

This is why it's a really great thing that you are teaching your child to report when adults overstep the mark. The more we challenge and fight against these behaviours, the better the world will be for everyone.

 

[Crossbreed]

My sister had this problem too and was on one a occasion repeatedly assaulted in a supermarket when she was 14-15. The woman who attacked her seemed to be in a psychopathic rage because my sister basically existed. She pursued her over the course of 20 minutes hurling abuse about her "thinking she was better than her" etc etc and physically attacking her. My sister had done literally nothing.

One of my sons evoked a similar response by being tall in high school. He is a "gentle giant" and does not see his height as a point of superiority. Another (shorter) kid tried to assault him [to prove that he was tough...?]. My son defended himself using the least force necessary, but both ended up in the principal's office anyway.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I don't know about you but I think, at least in my case, it's because I listen to people and give them room to be themselves. I think a lot of guys are missing that in their lives. It's not meant to be misleading; it's how I listen to everyone.

I'm the same way with people and my experience is so similar. Though, I don't necessarily attract people interested in romance. I've just learned that most people don't like themselves and are not used to being heard. People, in general, really don't get along.

I always thought I was just exercising basic decency, but people seem to think I'm there to rescue them, sometimes.