Will he ever feel different ?

[BlueSky Aozora]

4 months? too early; you're in the 'honeymoon' phase, you may love everything about him, that you might not be aware of his true personality etc. He might also be 'masking'.

As somebody else said, find a person who has the same expectation as you.

 

[Echo]

I recently started seeing a guy about 4 months ago and he Informed me he had mild autism, things have been going very well, we're hanging out, talking everyday. Last night he told me he liked me but he doesn't care if he's ever in a relationship or stays single. I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt like that, I really like him and want to be with him but if it's never going to lead somewhere then it's hard to want to stay, do I be patient and be happy with what he can give me?

Once upon a time in the 80's, when I was 20 and a guy I'd been hanging out with for a year or two was 22, we were eating lunch in a campus cafeteria when all of a sudden he declared that he loved me and had been in love with me for a while. To say I was surprised is an understatement. I had no clue. I mean, we hung out together, and.. hmm.. maybe we flirted... and yeah, he took me home once to meet his parents and... we would go for drives and sing and play music and make art and well.. um...cuddled sometimes.

But my response to his declaration makes me cringe to this day. I told him I loved him, too, but that I loved everybody. I pointed to the guy bussing the tables and the random people walking outside in the sunshine and declared that I loved all of them, as well.

The look on his face is etched in my memory. Disbelief. Anguish. I couldn't have eviscerated him more completely if I'd tried. Then he spluttered something and ran off.... and I never saw him again. Did I mean to hurt him? Absolutely not. I cared about him, he was my dear friend. But I wasn't entirely in touch with my feelings or social conventions or anything, so I gutted the poor guy without meaning to. Truth is, I would have been happy to date him, I just didn't know how to articulate that or access my feelings properly at the time. "Agape" was a safer form of love than any romantic entanglement probably because I was afraid of all the social conventions surrounding having a relationship.

I wised up and got over it, eventually. But not until I'd accidentally broken a few more hearts.

 

[tducey]

I think you both have different expectations of the relationship. Hope the situation works out for both of you.

 

[paloftoon]

I don't think his view of being open to relationship or platonic is necessarily a bad thing. Context and your feelings about this person definitely matter. The idea that you started this thread indicate some reasonable confusion though.

I think in a 1-1 in-person meeting, it's okay to tell him your interests and see how comfortable he is with what you say. If he can start to build from your feelings, then great. If not, then you have your answer and you won't have wasted anymore time. I think at this point in the relationship, it's okay to tell him your intentions. It's also okay to change your intentions slightly (if this wasn't it originally) and if he won't try to commit at this point, that you should just stay as friends or just stay as friends and have fun.

At some point, people should have a definite answer. People don't because they need time or don't want to say "no" when they need to even when they know. I personally think 6 months is too long. Maybe 2-3 months maximum before deciding to commit or not. It also depends where you and the other person are in life, and both of your interests dating and romantic wise.

Considering that you started a thread, your intentions, I think you should have your next in-person meeting be that slight appropriate "push" for taking things to the next level.
If you get anything that is not a straight answer of "yes", then you will:
1. know what he really means by having options for sure ( can't say "no" cause he doesn't want to hurt your feelings )
2. ask for platonic or platonic and fun only with no commitments, and you can start looking for other people.

He won't help you decide, and you gave him a chance. So, you can make the decision now.