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Wish I could find a girl to even hang out with me

I prefer your new perspective :)

I think it's better to approach things optimistically, but with reasonable expectations.

I used to use a joke about this sometimes though (like when I felt some suggestion or plan wasn't viable, so was talking a dissenting position). It's an old, not too funny joke - you may have heard it long ago:

"It's better to be a pessimist, because that way you're often pleasantly surprised. Optimists are less happy because they're usually disappointed" :)

Which is true ... but my personal approach is to go with optimism, and take the disappointments calmly.

Given a choice (and we do have one), IMO optimistic/happy is usually preferable :)
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I am angry. Most likely my only chance to hang out with a girl (coffee shop girl friends with) at the park this Saturday is ruined because it's going to rain. Once again rain ruins everything in my life. Before you say try something indoors it won't work as they only hang out with me in organized events and with groups. This was a once in a lifetime church organized event where only me and her was going to hang out at the park, no groups or anything, I hate the rain, it's like I life in stupid Seattle or something.
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I detect some black and white thinking and catastrophic thinking...

"rain ruins everything" and it's "my only chance"

There's always hope!
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I know it sucks. It has been the worst week which I thought would be a great week. First s PTSD event that nearly scarred me on Tiktok which I finally got rid of. Then the next day I hear this from her that we are just "church friends" aka acquaintances and nothing else. Then plans are cancelled. All I have is my Thursday life group who have been my true friends for two years now and helped me through everything. They I trust. I am having dinner with them tonight.
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i took a hiatus from this site for a few weeks, so i have forgotten somethings, and to see if i remember, i think you mentioned that your sister has never had a boyfriend or never had a relationship either right? and not by choice for her either? and she is close to 40?
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Yes in about 2 or 3 years. Pathetic that most autistic remain single for life.
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yeah just asking because, your sister is an example that it can happen to women too, as in, remain chronically alone/single later than normal, its just most people and most of society naturally expect cases like that to be male-dominated due to how courtship or how men and women have always had to interact with each other in starting a relationship.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
So everything @Steelbookcollector217 you been saying about women from men having to approach them to date them or even be there friend is dead on so accurate. Really wow what a kick in the groin of a lesson you were so right about how if they approach you they are only being nice but don't really care to even be your friend. I really should have listened to you instead of all the BS advice from others. Not from others here. Most were good. I am talking about outside sources.
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just saying that most people and most society find cases like that more shocking for women than for men because women always having been on the receiving end of sexual attention, or the ones getting chased/pursued.
 
@Tony Ramirez and @Steelbookcollector217

I guarantee that if you continue with the kind of attitudes you are sharing in posts number 73 through 76, you are right that no woman will ever approach you nor want to. The building resentment you both have toward women for being the ones who are pursued and chased in society and thinking that is a good thing is also the thing that will keep them far away from you.

There are lots of smart women out there who will approach people that they want to, and they will stay away from ones who harbor the kind of anger and resentment that is being displayed here. If you continue to think of women that will not give you attention with such anger and resentment, you will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and they will rightly leave you alone.

Enough.
 
I don't think men have to approach women when it comes to making friends. I've approached men before to make friends.
 
I see both sides of the coin. Truthfully, l am afraid to approach men, because they don't want friendship unless it has benefits attached, so l don't want to lead men on, so l keep to myself. Maybe the men here can try looking at that from a woman's view. Also, when l try to break up from that the few times it's happened, it backfires horribly, because they hadn't had relationship for maybe some time and they can be quite angry. Try, try, try to see @Judge 's point, we are concerned. We are worried about safety, we fear the worst, if we are anxiety driven. You are upset because you are alone. I feel safer being alone. Maybe if you approach woman from that aspect, you will have a little more understanding. Twice when l was younger and broke up, one tried to punch me. Another guy sent somebody to hurt me. I left the state because of that. More police die from domestic dispute scenes than anything else.
 
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You need a cluster of those 'signals' and even then it can be misinterpreted. Body language is venturing into the land of pseudo-science. Do you have any special interests you can focus on, instead of gender relations?
 
I am sorry that she used you to get to your friend, l see that would be upsetting, and l too, don't like her. That was mean. But l also believe it is better to error on the side of caution when woman come around, as bad people can be male OR female. If you ever run into her again, tell her you felt used and disrespected. Call her out on poor choices.
 
Rodafina said:
@Tony Ramirez and @Steelbookcollector217

I guarantee that if you continue with the kind of attitudes you are sharing in posts number 73 through 76, you are right that no woman will ever approach you nor want to. The building resentment you both have toward women for being the ones who are pursued and chased in society and thinking that is a good thing is also the thing that will keep them far away from you.

There are lots of smart women out there who will approach people that they want to, and they will stay away from ones who harbor the kind of anger and resentment that is being displayed here. If you continue to think of women that will not give you attention with such anger and resentment, you will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and they will rightly leave you alone.

Enough.
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I think this sort of post is what needs to stop, it just makes matters worse. It's everywhere in these discussions and I think people repeat what they read without thinking about what they are really saying. Imagine that Tony was Tina, a woman who had been mistreated by men and "helpful" posters said or implied some of the following:

- Men's behaviour towards you is a result of your emotions towards them after the fact.
- Maybe if you didn't feel negatively towards men or society in general, you might get what you wanted from relationships.
- Men can smell your misandry, it's why they treat you the way they do.
- It's your fault.

This is, of course, not true. Nor is it true of women.

I'm not saying resentment is good or healthy, but it can never be overcome if people keep gaslighting and further enraging lonely men with responses like this.

For the record: It's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done or can really do.
 
Mikah said:
I think this sort of post is what needs to stop, it just makes matters worse. It's everywhere in these discussions and I think people repeat what they read without thinking about what they are really saying. Imagine that Tony was Tina, a woman who had been mistreated by men and "helpful" posters said or implied some of the following:

- Men's behaviour towards you is a result of your emotions towards them after the fact.
- Maybe if you didn't feel negatively towards men or society in general, you might get what you wanted from relationships.
- Men can smell your misandry, it's why they treat you the way they do.
- It's your fault.

This is, of course, not true. Nor is it true of women.

I'm not saying resentment is good or healthy, but it can never be overcome if people keep gaslighting and further enraging lonely men with responses like this.

For the record: It's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done or can really do.
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I see you and I have completely opposing opinions on this.

I, and many other posters, have offered endless compassion and understanding for the loneliness and sadness expressed by certain people here. The compassion is very real.

But, there are certain lines of thinking that are unhelpful and dangerous, and I think it is more than fair for me to voice my discomfort with building rage and resentment toward women while simultaneously offering compassion for the difficulty for all of us in the world of dating and forming relationships.

Gaslighting is not something I am doing here. I expect that if I had long-standing forum interactions with a woman who was getting increasingly resentful toward men because she could not find a relationship, I would offer her the same sentiment.
 
i've had this sarcastic mindset for years how, a lot of people in the world say they find it to be a tragedy that social skills are not taught in school in our teenage years, formative years, and the way i see it is, that, i feel men need more social skills training than women do, the person who does the pursuing, making advances, needs more social skills training than the person getting pursued, and i will argue and defend this until the day i die, which is, one of the benefits of being a woman, is that women normally don't risk having their social awkwardness or social ineptness be dismissed or perceived as weird or creepy, uncomfortable, when interacting with the opposite sex.
 
Misty Avich said:
I don't think men have to approach women when it comes to making friends. I've approached men before to make friends.
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but when it comes to starting or forming a heterosexual relationship, its quite obvious that 9 times out of 10, its the man that does the approaching or is the one who asks the woman out, initiates the relationship, i'm sure thats why most people in the world who are 30+, 40+ and have never been with anyone, are mostly male.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
@Rodafina I understand what you are saying and I don't mean to offend but am saying all of this from experience especially recent experience. Everything @Steelbookcollector217 has been saying has been right. I ignored it and tried to believe and be positive but I was wrong.
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I would just like you to recognize where this type of thinking leads you. Has SteelbookCollector found the happiness that you desire with his way of thinking? It sounds like you want to follow footsteps into a life of permanent rage and resentment. That is your choice.
 
@Tony Ramirez

Why would it matter it people were platonic friends or platonic acquaintances?

Either way, by definition of platonic, the relationship will never involve romance.
 
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